My mom lived with me until I couldn't afford the care it took to help me care for her anymore as she needed skilled care. She made the decision to stay permanently after 120 days of rehabilitation care though she doesn't like it much. I find I am actually putting more hours into caring for her than when she was in my home and I could check on her while I did other things. I do all of her laundry because that was something she insisted as she didn't like the idea of nursing home bedding and was paranoid her things would be lost. I like that it makes her happy to see the coordinated bedding sets I've put together for her when they open a set (they do change her bed for her now, she didn't want them to do even that before). However, her type of dementia affects motor coordination and not memory as much so she spills or has an accident frequently and so it's about 3-4 bedding sets a week- I have to wash all of that on top of her regular clothing and do it separately because she has frequent infections and I use Lysol with her laundry. Then I put the sets together in bags- sheet set, 5 pillow cases, comforter and blanket. I have bought twelve sets now because I couldn't keep them washed fast enough- I'm raising twin 16 year old boys and I work about 55 hours a week and oh yeah, I'm a wife. I'm dealing with overcoming the guilt of having to promise since I was 5 that I'd never put her in a nursing home. My dad passed 3 years ago and he did so at home and wasn't sick for very long, so the process was vastly different. She also needs snacks, hearing aid batteries, something she thought of that's at home, things mailed, and calls me anytime her medicine isn't on the dot. The nursing home is less than a mile from my house or work, so it's not the drive. Walmart is 5 miles round trip, but it is time consuming on a daily basis, and it is nearly a daily basis and the needs are legitimate- Kleenex, hearing aid batteries, lotion, whatever- but it's a lot. I also handle all of her affairs which has been paying her bills and getting her qualified for Medicaid which seems like a full time fight and we now have her dog- that used to stay in the apartment we built on for her- and she has tons of grooming needs and health issues, but she is aging herself so I cannot just find a new home for her. Of course none of this includes the time I try to spend with her, and she often lets me know it's not enough. She hasn't socialized there at all, and she thinks everyone there is old although she is nearly 80, so she doesn't want to socialize. Plus, she totally has her wits about her so she craves companionship that equals her level of mental functioning which I do understand. I have put my parents and especially my mom in front of my family for 6 years now and I can't get any of that time back with my kids or my husband and I am trying to spend time with my boys before they are grown and gone, and again, they are 16 now. Anyone else find that this is their situation? How do I get this under control? How do I tell her no when it makes her so happy when I do all of these things?