You sound as though a visit with your doctor is in order. You could have a low grade infection or depression which can make people feel friendless and lonely, so please make an appointment. Volunteering is a very good way to feel useful and make friends. Helping others is often the best way to help ourselves when we are lonely. If you have problems with transportation, contact your local senior services and ask about van transportation for volunteers. But first you have to feel good enough to reach out, which is where medical help may be needed. Please check back with us and tell us how you are doing. Carol
Debbsc I'll tell you what's worked for me. I am sole caregiver for my mom, I work from home and am single without children, so I can lead a very isolated existence. I've met a number of women through meetupdotcom. Depending on where you live, there are a ton of activities through different groups within meetup. I've been in walking groups, groups for women over 50, groups that travel, a vegetarian group, a humanist group, etc. See if there are any interesting groups near you through that site. Most events are free, but there may be a nominal charge, since the organizers have to pay to have their groups.
I've also gotten active through several park districts playing pickleball and badminton. I just bought a summer pool pass to go to the local swimming pool. I may or may not meet people that way, but I'll surely get some good exercise which helps with those feelings of loneliness.
I also volunteer and have done so for a number of years. That always makes me feel good. So find some volunteer opportunities that support your personal beliefs (helping animals, kids, or the environment, etc.). You can't feel lonely when you're with other like-minded people helping others.
I still feel lonely from time to time and wish I had a couple more close friends who live nearby. But for now, I have enough activities and acquaintances to keep me going and feeling good and blessed most days.
I was once in a dark place where you are now. After getting some therapy I realized there wasn't to much wrong with me, just the people around me making me feel bad. After I got away from the main two people in my life that were constanly belittling me and making me feel bad I started to feel better about myself. At first I was scared because I felt if I shut them out of my life then I would have no one. But really when I thought about it....they really weren't there for me anyway. So get some help...make new friends, go to the library, church. Walk around your neighborhood for some exercise, you'd be surprised how many people wave at you as they get to see you everyday. This brings your sprit up. You can do it. I did. Good Luck my friend!
Deb, if you feel like you'd like to connect virtually, try an online virtual world such as Second Life. There are many support groups there plus people from all over the world engaging with one another for support and entertainment lke live concerts, book clubs, hobbies and more. I highly recommend it. I have met many of my virtual friends offline from all over the world during my travels. They are normal people like you and I and because you have engaged with them virtually, from the safety of your own home (and reveal as much or as little as you want about yourself), you do feel like you've "known" them forever when you meet up in person. You need a good graphics card though. secondlife Anyway, this is what "saved" my sanity and life from depression, abuse etc. Moreso than therapy. Forget dating, just concentrate on yourself for now.
reach out - go to church and realize God loves you and does not want you to be living a desolate life. Maybe go do a volunteer thing, join a group - write a post and help someone (its fun to get a star, thout not necessary, of course!) - Can you get out of the house OK?
No no no, debbsc, MissSNS was saying that that was how SHE felt about it. I agree with you in that my immediate response to her was "are you kidding? Like I haven't got enough problems…"; but she wasn't even suggesting that it would work for everyone.
So what might help?
I know what would help me would be living alone, ironically. It's that loneliness you feel when you're in a house with three other people but absolutely no one to talk to. We just finished dinner. Between the coughing, the nose-blowing, the little gasps for breath, the deafness, the dodgy table manners and the lack of interest I've never felt more alone in my life. Or had less of an appetite. Daughter is back home for a few more days which should be lovely, but if I try to talk to her then mother can't hear anything, so daughter tries to repeat everything for her - which is sweet, but - anyway. You can't have a conversation. And now of course she's back in her room getting some work done and listening to music. She'd come and help with the dishes and clearing up if I asked her; but I'd rather let her be.
I don't feel unloved, though. Why do you feel unloved? Families can be pretty bloody, and rough on the old ego, but really? Do you think they don't love you or care about you?
What activities do you enjoy? You mentioned a library card: does your local library also have information about readers' groups, events, things you might enjoy joining in with? I know it can be hard to get out of the house on time, but it could be something manageable is on offer. Worth a look?
I was the same way, thank goodness I got divorced, I now have good friends through a divorce support meeting I go to weekly. I also go to two different caregiver meetings once a month. Great to vent to others in the same situation. Keep looking for any kind of meetings.
I'm feeling exactly the way as the original poster, mslisadoll. I hope that she was able to work through these feelings and get to a happier place.
It's not going to be as easy for me to shut out the people who make me feel unappreciated, as they're my own family. I truly have no friends. Outside of work and online, I have no social life.
I just got my library card the other day on my birthday, which was spent entirely alone, with warmer wishes from strangers than family (they forgot), sort of like Sam in Sixteen Candles, but without the good-looking guy at the end. I try to put a lot of thought into others to make them feel special, especially on important days. Yet, no one does the same for me. So, I'll give the library thing a try. I'm not a church-goer. I'm spiritual, but not really religious. No one walks in my neighborhood, so that would be weird. Are there any other suggestions on how to get out of feeling so alone, unloved, and unappreciated?
Deb if you just got your library card you must LOVE to read!! join a readers club at you library, and volenteer there. They need the help and you will meet like minded people! It may take awhile to make a connection to some people, but you will. I help with book sales, etc and it is great time away
Volunteering is a very good way to feel useful and make friends. Helping others is often the best way to help ourselves when we are lonely. If you have problems with transportation, contact your local senior services and ask about van transportation for volunteers. But first you have to feel good enough to reach out, which is where medical help may be needed. Please check back with us and tell us how you are doing.
Carol
I've also gotten active through several park districts playing pickleball and badminton. I just bought a summer pool pass to go to the local swimming pool. I may or may not meet people that way, but I'll surely get some good exercise which helps with those feelings of loneliness.
I also volunteer and have done so for a number of years. That always makes me feel good. So find some volunteer opportunities that support your personal beliefs (helping animals, kids, or the environment, etc.). You can't feel lonely when you're with other like-minded people helping others.
I still feel lonely from time to time and wish I had a couple more close friends who live nearby. But for now, I have enough activities and acquaintances to keep me going and feeling good and blessed most days.
So what might help?
I know what would help me would be living alone, ironically. It's that loneliness you feel when you're in a house with three other people but absolutely no one to talk to. We just finished dinner. Between the coughing, the nose-blowing, the little gasps for breath, the deafness, the dodgy table manners and the lack of interest I've never felt more alone in my life. Or had less of an appetite. Daughter is back home for a few more days which should be lovely, but if I try to talk to her then mother can't hear anything, so daughter tries to repeat everything for her - which is sweet, but - anyway. You can't have a conversation. And now of course she's back in her room getting some work done and listening to music. She'd come and help with the dishes and clearing up if I asked her; but I'd rather let her be.
I don't feel unloved, though. Why do you feel unloved? Families can be pretty bloody, and rough on the old ego, but really? Do you think they don't love you or care about you?
What activities do you enjoy? You mentioned a library card: does your local library also have information about readers' groups, events, things you might enjoy joining in with? I know it can be hard to get out of the house on time, but it could be something manageable is on offer. Worth a look?
Keep looking for any kind of meetings.
It's not going to be as easy for me to shut out the people who make me feel unappreciated, as they're my own family. I truly have no friends. Outside of work and online, I have no social life.
I just got my library card the other day on my birthday, which was spent entirely alone, with warmer wishes from strangers than family (they forgot), sort of like Sam in Sixteen Candles, but without the good-looking guy at the end. I try to put a lot of thought into others to make them feel special, especially on important days. Yet, no one does the same for me. So, I'll give the library thing a try. I'm not a church-goer. I'm spiritual, but not really religious. No one walks in my neighborhood, so that would be weird. Are there any other suggestions on how to get out of feeling so alone, unloved, and unappreciated?
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