Caregiving doesn't end when Mom or Dad dies. Now, I get to take care of the Estate!

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I'm the one who lived closest by mom and dad. I helped mom tremendously with dad, and then helped her for another 15 years. Mom died and now, I am STILL taking care of her....estate! Thankfully, because of the close relationship we had, and because she trusted me, I was able to have her complete her Will, Trust and sign over the bigger elements of her property to her Trust and 5 kids. So there is actually not too much wrangling about who gets what. The biggest amount of time right now is in cleaning out her home and getting it ready for sale---even though she didn't accumulate what I thought was a lot of stuff, there is still, a LOT of STUFF to go through. I am spending several hours at a time over there, several times per week, and one weekend day every week with my spouse going thru it all. Because of identify theft we cannot just throw paperwork in the trash---we have to sort it into the bulk threshing boxes or the recycling boxes (actually we're tending to just thresh it all).
I hope all of you out there have gotten your wills DONE and your instructions are very CLEAR as to how you want your Estate to be handled. Even things like specifying if you DO want to donate all your clothing to charity, would be SO helpful (versus feeling like all clothing has to be inventoried and offered to 3 sisters who might just want certain items....very time-consuming!).
For simplicity, my parents only left things to the 5 kids, and nothing to the step-grandkids or even their own grandkids, this has been a godsend since I don't have SO many people to deal with. I know many grandparents might want to "remember" their grandkids---but, please, consider the extra work it will make for your Executor, and just let the grandkids receive something thru their parent.
The other thing I am learning as I go thru the early stages of all this is, there is no rush to get things done; and yet I am hearing weekly from one or the other of my siblings, when will I get some money.....it would be been AWESOME if my mom had actually written instructions into her Will, that NO MONEY would be given out for the first 6 months, and that the Exectuor had no need to "report" on the Estate for the first 6 months. Mom has not even been in the ground for (let me count it....) 7 weeks and the sibligns are already getting royally Antsy!
I will post more updates as time goes on.

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Ok thanks for clarification. I too have 2 twisted sister and 2 twisted brothers. Tb1 tb2 ts1 and ts2. So I guess they can call me ts3. R3d3 look out.....
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Mallory I have two twisted sisters that have caused so much stress in this situation. Ts1 is a counselor ts2 has mom's POA's. Karma has just begun.
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OregonGirl, the insurance company will get the settlement b/c it paid for the remedial work. Assuming the $42K has already been paid, it was paid by the insurance company, which probably subrogated against the Dust Buster manufacturer. Subrogation is standard to recover the costs expended by the insurance company.

I'm assuming you didn't have any out of pocket payments for the fire remedial work?

Most people don't read their insurance policies though.

I'm curious and concerned though how the fire started. Was the dust buster defective? Was it a battery in the dust buster that caused the fire?
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who is ts2....
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Oregon, I had a fire a year ago, repairs almost complete. I too, am fighting insurance company about paying remaining repairs. Because my house is more than 100 years old I purchased a rider that provides for repairs to areas of the house not damaged by fire if required to be brought up to code. My contractor was told by building department that the electric on removed walls had to be brought up to code, they also talked about plumbing so contractor did that work as well. Now insurance does not want to pay it since contractor cannot document plumbing requirement. Point being why would I purchase that rider if I did not have a say on what needs to be done. The rider does not say who makes the determination of need, only that if it doesn't meet code and need upgrading to comply. Pain in the back side! Good luck with that Oregon!

And on the trustee job, ts2 gets it. It is set up so if she is too busy with her life she can pass it on to successor. She is very busy yet does not want to relinquish the power. So, she struggles to get the house on the market, it has been more than three months since mom was moved, ts2 works in the school system so had summer off. She just cannot seem to get anything done. Now school back in session, who knows how long this is going to take. So, my sympathy to you Oregon, I know it is alot, you will get through it. No sympathy for ts2 though, Karma... I provided four years of 24/7 care, now it is coming back on her.
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oh wow, Oregongirl, that is an awful predicament, it sounds like you should file some type of complaint with your state insurance commissioner? or some type of Breach of Contract lawsuit against your insurer? I know, they try to wiggle out of every claim they can... for my mom's house, once she was looking like she's not coming home, I started preparing to get her house for sale (she couldn't afford assisted living without all the assets locked up in home). And that needed workers coming in....and I could just imagine someone falling off a ladder and suing! So I upped the homeowner's liability to 2 million, it only cost about $25 a month, small price to pay for a few months, I figure.
But your fire situation, that is really strange, I cannot imagine how they could wiggle out of paying your claim. Just doesn't sound right!
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Well just found out something NEW today. Hang on. I own the home, but I wanted to change the INSURANCE to my name. Well, not so lucky. We had a fire started by a DUST BUSTER....WE HAVE PAID PREMIUMS FOR 20 YEARS. NO CLAIMS. It cost 42,000 to repair our home. Oh and by the way, the Insurance company sued dust busters and we get no part of the settlement. Went to start policy in my name and they will no longer insure the home. GET THIS. 20 years we paid and the fire not our fault...INSURANCE COMPANY SUED DUST BUSTER but we will get none of the settlement. What we get is NO INSURANCE and have to change companies. What a game these insurance companies have. So, my rates go up and I have no other choice but to pay it. I think the insurance companies pray that we have a fire. I am going to ask my attorney to write to the insurance company and demand I get some of the settlement from dust busters. I cannot prove it was started by dust buster, but the fire chief wrote it up that way. When am I done with all the problems that I face as the TRUSTEE. The family sits back and waits for their gold and I do the work. Interesting that I found out yesterday that the family gets NADA and it all goes to me. Little but at least I get something for the work I have done. My sweetheart knew that I would face problems and made sure that I would be ok. EXCEPT for the STRESS of being Trustee. I would not wish this job on anyone. It is not what you think people. BE CAREFUL taking this job on. Oh Malloryg8r, I am sorting the photos as I would want them if it were my parents or siblings. YES it is a lot of work. I think anyone being asked to be a TRUSTEE should insist on being paid for doing it Before I have money coming from the accounts, I am writing my own checks to cover things. BE CAREFUL to protect yourself as Trustee. It is not the DREAM that our families think it is. If they had to do it, they would realize that it is not a good job, Maybe they would realize the work you are doing and accept that if you get more than they do, it is because of the work you did. You MUST love the person you are being a Trustee for. I mean it. I would go no further if I did not love him with all my heart. I am SO angry at the Insurance company. Thank GOD, I paid for our insurance for a year in advance. But, they still say they can cancel me. I doubt that.
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Oh I know this will take at least a year, it has just been 3 months and I don't even have the house ready for sale, I'm still going thru boxes and boxes and drawers crammed with stuff. And I always thought mom was really good about not keeping too much "stuff." Family photos are everywhere. ..most of them I believe they came to her in letters or cards, And I figure I can toss most of them, it would be ridiculous amt of time for me to try and sort them into 15 piles and return them to their (assumed ) original sender.....
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Sadly, even with a trust in place and an executor picked, I have never seen an estate settled without some "feelings". As I stated above, we got lucky when my FIL died, the kids were all pretty decent about things. It was the BIL who got in the way. (His wife, the only daughter, took anything and everything of any value before we even had a chance to inventory.) This is NOT my family, so although I thought that fairly greedy--I didn't care. Not my place. I agree that estate sales are a real ripoff if you are not auctioning true antiques and treasures. It just makes for a heck of a lot of work for the executor. Keep all receipts!!!!! Somebody will want any accounting (the BIL!) and even tho, as executor you are entitled to a certain amt. of "hourly pay" when you work on the settling the estate--my hubby took not one cent. My son (an atty) was livid about that--(and maybe that's why he's not OUR executor)....every family has a different dynamic. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when the house sold, the taxes were done for the final time and we could box up the remaining paperwork and take a breath. Took over a year. I think that's normal.
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Don't spend any questionable money until you KNOW you have the right to do so. Of course if you are the Trustee, you have to keep the home going, (Insurance, Utilities, monthly bills etc), but do not consider the money YOURS until you know that it legally is. You could bring on to yourself a heck of a lot of troubles. You do not want to go there.
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