If so how do you take care of your own physical issues while taking care of your love? I have had Fibro , chronic fatigue and autoimmune issues for about 10 years. It has become worse over the last year . Now mom is ill and I am trying to balance .
Suzanne50, I'm sorry that your illness has intensified over the last year, having fibro is hard and unpredictable to manage at times. I know dealing with the added stress probably isn't helping, but it is unavoidable when caring and worrying about your loved ones health and well-being.
I have fibromyalgia and degenerative disc disease and migranes. Flare ups come without warning and can make the simplest of chores unbearable. Sometimes it is very hard to balance your own life and daily activities even on a good day, besides adding in caring for a loved one on top of it.
I try my best to get good uninterrupted sleep when possible to function more efficiently so that my pain and brain fog isn't intensified, so I make sleep my priority. Since having to run two households I keep notebooks of daily notes for my to do lists, and I have two calendars to manage appointments and bills. I know for me my mind will not shut off at night unless I keep my schedule in order and I stay on top of it. Keeping that stress down helps my sleep schedule alot. Excersise(stretching), meditation, and deep breathing exercises are things I do to try to keep my pain levels in check on stressful days. Somedays I'm successful, but sometimes not so much. I go to a pain management dr. that tries to give me techniques so that I can avoid extra meds for break thru pain. It took along time but together we found a combination of both exercise and meds that finally helped me live a more normal life with less pain. You might want to read up on certain foods that can make flare ups worse and some that might help elevate. Certain supplements help others but I did not have success. I am lucky to have a understanding and wonderful husband to do the heavy lifting to prevent me from overdoing or pushing myself to do more than I should. Listen to your body and say NO at times to chores or it will have to wait until another time. Sometimes it is what is needed to protect yourself from overdoing it and making youself feel worse. If you don't set limits you will not be there to help tomorrow.
I know these ideas will not work for everyone but I hope you find relief in some of the answers you might hear from some of us.
Is there any chance they have a Health department in your town? I used to work for the one in my old town. You could hire someone for a couple of hours (has to be a minimum of two hours to make it worth their while) to take care of your loved one and do light housekeeping, etc, which could free you up to take care of yourself for a couple hours. You pay them at the end of their time and it never used to be an exorbitant amount. Some people would hire home health aide every week for one day for couple of hours or so.
My heart and prayers go to you and your loved one. My mom is "recovering" from a stroke, my husband is getting ready for 6th back surgery and has A-fib and has had 4 TIA's....I have MS. My biggest help so far has been going to first physical therapy and now the gym 3 times a week.It took me 12 years to figure this out but what a difference...you have to take care of you first and I was not strong enough to follow through with exercise at home, somehow the discipline of being expected at the gym, having to schedule around it on my calendar has changed my life. Second is find yourself a doctor you can talk to and will help you work with your symptoms, not just give you what works for everyone else. Third lesson I have learned recently is you can only do what your mom wants and will let you do. For day to day care, I do what she needs and wants and have stopped asking, suggesting, trying to explain. If I can't meet a particular need/request I will tell her and so far she manages to find another solution...I know this will change but I was wasting so much emotional energy stressing out about why won't she just try this or do that but I forgot she is 81 and I am her baby...why would I know more than her? Thanks to everyone on this site I realize things might get a whole lot tuffer but my husband keeps fighting everyday and has rehabbed from one operation after another and inspires me. Sorry so long of a post, your question really hit home. All the best to you.
I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Disease in May 2011, a few months after my mom passed. The signs were there since I was 50, but testing wasn't complete enough previous times, I guess.
My mother had Rheumatoid for years & was bedridden at home for almost three years before she passed. She was also bipolar & refused virtually all medication except acetaminophen & senna laxatives. She was often angry with dad and me, then a visiting NP prescribed Excelon patches which could be applied without her knowledge. What a diff during those last five months, the ones I was here full time for her & my dad.
At the age of 68 I still provide virtually sole care for my father in his home. One sibling periodically will bring some food for variety & homemade quality. Another lives in the south & helps when she visits, but that's not often. Four others are hostile & have caused untold problems for my dad & me, so he isn't too interested in their visits. One of them was told not to return. Legal pursuits have been in progress , costing him thousands to date with no cooperation from that one. Another's child stole in excess of $11,000 from him & now blames him to avoid remaining restitution of over $6,000.
I am divorced & have two sons locally, both with many challenges of their own. They help whenever they are able, but that's not often.
I handle all - house, yard, and snow shoveling except when it's too deep for me to manage.
Dad is a pack rat & won't let me eliminate many of the items yet. The house is large & pretty well filled, but not a safety hazard. Many rooms are storage only, so he isn't at risk trying to move through them. I am slowly clearing what I can, including donating what little I have left from my past life.
Dad is not one to allow outside help, but he is having more severe mobility problems, so that's likely to change. He's almost 98.
I can oversee help when he allows it, and persist in reminding him my hands, wrists, and feet can only do so much. No washer repairs, etc any more... :-)
As his POA, Trustee, and intended Executrix I also manage his financial & legal matters, including his legal pursuits.
The ideas and feedback from others here are quite helpful & comforting.
Better get some help!!! My mom is now 92. I've been her sole caregiver for years. She refuses any help to me. Not even an aide to help bathe her or a sitter. I have migraines, degenerative joint disease in every joint and discoid lupus. I never have a day off. She has dementia and the sundowners that goes with it.
So take care of yourself. Believe me you will regret it if you don't. Get help for both of you. God bless!!
BLESS YOU and all of us with our own struggles... PLUS being a primary caregiver to a sick/aging/elderly parent... Can you imagine adding to this mix, your/my MS and the autoimmune disease MCTD (Mixed Connective Tissue).. AND a 94 1/2 year old mother who is also a "borderline personality disorder"/narcissist...? WOW! Am I tired? You bet I am. Am I thankful for a group of good folks like YOU... who care to read these messages and commiserate, who offer suggestions and ideas from your personal experience... with kindness and compassion? YOU BET I DO! I know you do too. Hugs to all... and no... pat... answers... XOXO
All I've got now is a severe cold, with aches and pains, and I have to take care of myself. My husband has had to fend for himself, but the hunger instincts kick in, and he does feed himself. I rally to give him his meds, but basically I am either in bed or being a zombie in front of the t.v. Take care of yourself, hire some help, and if you cannot, have your mother placed because your illnesses don't resolve in 7 - 10 days.
I feel for you. It's tough enough being a caregiver, let alone having your own issues. I've been caring for my 77 yr old mother who has COPD and is on oxygen 24/7. I have been through stage 2 breast cancer with chemo and radiation. I live with residual effects from this along with chronic pain. Thankfully she moved next door to me 4 years ago and I don't have to drive 50 minutes to care for her anymore. I have 3 sisters one of which is out of the picture all together and 2 who rarely help out. Mom won't except outside help. She never drove or made friends. She doesn't bother me for a lot, but I do her shopping, banking, take her to doctors, give her dinner every night, do small task around her house and am her company every night for at least an hour. I have learned to live with doing everything and stopped asking, groveling and begging for help from my sister's because it was making me sicker. Do you have siblings? How far does your mother live from you?
Catcoker, I hear you, it would be so great if there were help provided for non-welfare patients and their caregivers. I provide care 3-4 days per week for free, for my folks in their 90's. Thus far it hasn't been too awfully hard to do, just a giant juggling act between them, me, my self-employment, my kids and oh yes I have a spouse (somewhere....). In order to have state help with caregiving they would have a huge spend-down, and even then my state doesn't pay family to do companion care. It just seems totally silly, there has got to be a tax deduciton or something, at some point. Its sad to see seniors who have scrimped, sacrificed and saved for 50 or more years, be told they don't deserve any help from the government they dutifully paid their taxes to. Oops don't mean to get political. Bu I think every one can appreciate how some seniors have been oooh so very careful with their limited funds, and were being totally responsible, not spending on lavish homes, cars or vacations, and they deserve to be able to spend their twilight years in some comfort finally? Or are we suppose to spend spend spend and then apply for welfare? Seems there is literally no middle ground.
You are all amazing. I am in need of a knee replacement and I can't lift as much weight as I used to. I care for my mother. My mother is 95 and in fairly good health, but she had two serious falls lat year and is currently in a rehab nursing home. This time she fractured her knee cap and shoulder. I go to the nursing home every evening and I do her laundry. My 87 year old father visits with my mother from 11:30 till I get there around 5:00, then I stay till about 7:30 so I can accompany my mom at dinner. My siblings don't help much. Their excuse is that they work. I'm recently retired. When mom is discharged, she will be coming home to me, again. Again no help. Sallie, I have also begged for help. .still waiting. My niece and my son are the only ones willing to give my dad and me a break. I'm just venting. I'm resentful that I don't have a life of my own and I'm not doing all the things i planned on doing "when I retire".Not sure why I picked tonight to vent, but thank you all for being here.
I have fibromyalgia and degenerative disc disease and migranes. Flare ups come without warning and can make the simplest of chores unbearable. Sometimes it is very hard to balance your own life and daily activities even on a good day, besides adding in caring for a loved one on top of it.
I try my best to get good uninterrupted sleep when possible to function more efficiently so that my pain and brain fog isn't intensified, so I make sleep my priority.
Since having to run two households I keep notebooks of daily notes for my to do lists, and I have two calendars to manage appointments and bills. I know for me my mind will not shut off at night unless I keep my schedule in order and I stay on top of it. Keeping that stress down helps my sleep schedule alot.
Excersise(stretching), meditation, and deep breathing exercises are things I do to try to keep my pain levels in check on stressful days. Somedays I'm successful, but sometimes not so much. I go to a pain management dr. that tries to give me techniques so that I can avoid extra meds for break thru pain. It took along time but together we found a combination of both exercise and meds that finally helped me live a more normal life with less pain. You might want to read up on certain foods that can make flare ups worse and some that might help elevate. Certain supplements help others but I did not have success.
I am lucky to have a understanding and wonderful husband to do the heavy lifting to prevent me from overdoing or pushing myself to do more than I should. Listen to your body and say NO at times to chores or it will have to wait until another time. Sometimes it is what is needed to protect yourself from overdoing it and making youself feel worse. If you don't set limits you will not be there to help tomorrow.
I know these ideas will not work for everyone but I hope you find relief in some of the answers you might hear from some of us.
Be well
My mother had Rheumatoid for years & was bedridden at home for almost three years before she passed. She was also bipolar & refused virtually all medication except acetaminophen & senna laxatives. She was often angry with dad and me, then a visiting NP prescribed Excelon patches which could be applied without her knowledge. What a diff during those last five months, the ones I was here full time for her & my dad.
At the age of 68 I still provide virtually sole care for my father in his home. One sibling periodically will bring some food for variety & homemade quality. Another lives in the south & helps when she visits, but that's not often. Four others are hostile & have caused untold problems for my dad & me, so he isn't too interested in their visits. One of them was told not to return. Legal pursuits have been in progress , costing him thousands to date with no cooperation from that one. Another's child stole in excess of $11,000 from him & now blames him to avoid remaining restitution of over $6,000.
I am divorced & have two sons locally, both with many challenges of their own. They help whenever they are able, but that's not often.
I handle all - house, yard, and snow shoveling except when it's too deep for me to manage.
Dad is a pack rat & won't let me eliminate many of the items yet. The house is large & pretty well filled, but not a safety hazard. Many rooms are storage only, so he isn't at risk trying to move through them. I am slowly clearing what I can, including donating what little I have left from my past life.
Dad is not one to allow outside help, but he is having more severe mobility problems, so that's likely to change. He's almost 98.
I can oversee help when he allows it, and persist in reminding him my hands, wrists, and feet can only do so much. No washer repairs, etc any more... :-)
As his POA, Trustee, and intended Executrix I also manage his financial & legal matters, including his legal pursuits.
The ideas and feedback from others here are quite helpful & comforting.
So take care of yourself. Believe me you will regret it if you don't. Get help for both of you. God bless!!
home every evening and I do her laundry. My 87 year old father visits with my mother from 11:30 till I get there around 5:00, then I stay till about 7:30 so I can accompany my mom at dinner. My siblings don't help much. Their excuse is that they work. I'm recently retired. When mom is discharged, she will be coming home to me, again. Again no help. Sallie, I have also begged for help. .still waiting. My niece and my son are the only ones willing to give my dad and me a break. I'm just venting. I'm resentful that I don't have a life of my own and I'm not doing all the things i planned on doing "when I retire".Not sure why I picked tonight to vent, but thank you all for being here.
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