Is it my responsibility as Mom's caregiver to contact the family?

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My brother keeps on telling Mom to call her Grandson. I have been caring for my Mom for the last few years. She just moved in with me 6 months ago because of Dementia. She can not understand or form sentences, she can barely walk on her own or get up out of her chair. She can not pick out clothes or dress herself. Incontinent and I must help her in the bathroom. My brother is constantly asking Mom to call his Son her Grandson and now my brother wants her to give him a few thousand dolllars for a housewarming gift. When Mom was not sick her Grandson has never been involved in her life and never ever calls her or even remembers her Birthdays or Holidays. Mom tells me she does not want to talk to anyone, I said to her yesterday when her son left and he said to her that her grandson would like some money for housewarming she said no she would not send him anything. I don't feel like it is my responsibility to contact family members on Mom's behalf am I correct??

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I have found that over the years, even when my dad was alive that I was becoming their parent and it is still continuing with my mom, who will be 87 this year and some days are better than others and the weather does seem to affect the dementia, on the days when the barometer tends to fall she sleeps all day and stays up all night, pacing. It tends to get frustrating for not ony me but her also,. she can't seem to get a complete sentence out, she knows what she wants to say,she just can't get it out. I have learned not to get angry with her because it upsets her and she pouts, I have to remember that she is only partically here now. I just feel that when and if she gets so incontinent only a daily basis it will be a nursing home because I won't be able to deal with it. Just keep smiling and have faith everything turns out alright.
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Caregiving would make an eye opening "Reality TV Show" for the world!
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cinderbarb My post was reality mixed with sarcasm. I know that once a person is asked to step in a caregivers shoes even for a one day visit, they make excuses,or stop calling or come for the visit and complain about the horrible job you the caregiver has been doing, as if they really can do better or would make the time. This does solve the problem of them calling for their needs. They become afraid to participate in most cases if you throw the reality of it all in their lap.
I have notified my sister of all situations concerning my Mother she stopped caring when Mom went from being a baby sitter to needing one. Now that Mom has outlived her Money...WELL ..... need I say anything else?????
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I think you had some great answers to your question. My family isn't much better to tell you the truth and if I feel it neccessary to call anyone about mom's health, they can read about it on facebook. Out side of my kids that are in the area, the rest of the grandchildren don't call, write or even bother with her. She had one of her grandsons living with her for years and he proceeded to steal from her and was very upset when we moved her into our home, it is amazing how nice family can be. Best of luck and yes have your brother come stay with her but hide the valuables/ checkbook, bankbook,etc Bet he won't come and stay for the weekend so you can get a break.
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FYI, on that 2nd paragraph, I was using my mom's situation and her 6 siblings when they came to visit mom in the hospital.
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Felice, to protect your mom as she continues to progress in her dementia, please tell me that you have either guardianship or POA over her? It sounds like brother is overly interested on money from mom to his son. Obviously, bro doesn't want to dish out more of HIS money for his son's housewarming party. So, let's get Grandma to give thousands. And come on, how many grandparents give thousands of dollars for a housewarming gift? I know that grandparents give thousands of dollars for their favorite grandchild's Wedding but not housewarming. If mom gives in one time, can you imagine what brother will think of the next time for more money? I'm glad that your mom was able to still comprehend the situation to say no. But, it won't last long.

I agree with Jeanne. The only times we let our mom's siblings know about mom is when she goes to the hospital and is "iffy" in health. However, on the last "iffy health situation", her siblings all came at one time and "visited each other in the waiting room. They came to mom's room, showed face for a few minutes and left. Then they spent hours in the waiting room, talking, laughing, etc... We did not appreciate that. So, after that, any time mom goes in and is hospitalized, we decided to not to call her siblings. We will call when we know that mom is at "death's door." Plus, they haven't visited mom for years. No excuse not to visit their own sister. However, if any of your relatives do visit or call regularly, then I would say out of respect for that person who found the time to follow up on mom, then I would update that person as mom continues to decline.
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I could not agree more with a prior comment. The grandson should be calling his grandmother. I ran into this briefly when my mother's health started to get much worse. I called the grandchildren (both of my sister's have passed on, therefore the grandchildren are the point of contact) to simply advise them of the situation. I put the ball in their court and they have done little to nothing to call my mom. I know it hurts me that they are so selfish and I try and hide those feelings from my mom. I have found it very frustrating for the caregiver, because you only want the best for the one you love. I hate to be bold, but our (me, my husband and even my mom) family has come to the conclusion they are very selfish. They do not seem to have a problem calling/texting or whatever when they want something. I just try not to wear my feelings on my shoulder, because I know my mom has to be hurt and I do not want to add to all the other things she is going through. Nor, will I continue to get on the phone to tell my grown nephews and nieces how they should behave and treat family. I do not know how it is in your family , but it is a complete mess in mine. Yes, to end my rant.....since you are the caregiver and have your hands full. Your siblings should be contacting you to see what they can do to help. As opposed to only calling when they want something.
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Excuse me, but shouldn't the grandsom be calling his Grandmother and not the other way around!

Sorry there is not need for any housewarming gift. Grandmother needs her money for whatever her needs might be in the future.

Your brother sounds as if he has his priorities all messed up.
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feliceavenue Forgive my harsh attitude but I must tell you what is on my mind.
Tell your brother to come stay with your Mom for a weekend so you could get a break. During his visit he can ask Mom whatever questions he has for her during his visit. Have her make any calls while he's there etc. """Make sure you hide the check book.""" If he disagrees to this say why not? She's your mother and it's your son who is in need of a Gift and the only and most important gift he should be thinking about is Mom's care, and the need of her children's and grandchild's love. Then explain to him if he should someday be needing care as his Mom is now.... how would he want his children and grandchildren to treat him?
ROTF LOL This is usually when I get hung up on!!! By my Sister
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You are correct in this situation.

Perhaps if Mom goes into the hospital or has some medical event you have responsibility to let your broher (and other siblings, if any) know. But if Mom does not want to call her grandson or to give money to her grandson, I don't see that you have any responsibility in the matter.
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