Depression, trying to manage to live and pay for basics bills while covering care in a ALZ facility for a spouse is difficult. Lots of adjustments to make both mentally, financially, and physically to survive.
Thank goodness my friends accept him. We go out 1 a week for dinner and if my son can't come in to take care of him they say it's fine if he comes along. I would like to be able to go out more often in the evening but it's difficult
I have lost my friends too, caring for a mother in law, I have really become a recluse, the only joy was my mastiff and he passed away. They have stopped calling because I have stopped calling knowing I can not visit them I do not drive. I have a 1 and a half hour once a week from a caregiver paid by the canadian government but really that is not enough. My only joy now is the internet and shows on tv and daily motion which I watch all the eastenders and coronation street. It has got to the point where I deliver her meals and quickly disapear downstairs.She calls me when she needs me I just needed that break, she can walk and has a stair lift she has a good memory but refuses to rinse her dishes on purpose I feel like a maid rather than a caregiver. I feel depressed so I put the word out to her sons who live a ways away from the city that I will be taking 2 weeks off in this summer and they have to come up with a plan. it is now out of my hands see what they will do now. I am grateful for them because at least one comes and takes her out every saturday, gives me a sleep time. I think a person has to lay down their wishes before they go insane and mean it.
My Mom passed away last month. All the while I was caregiver for both my parents (Dad passed away last Sept) I kept contact with friends. Since they are all 2000 miles away, I don't expect visits. But, I get cards and calls.
Next summer I am going to do the grand tour and visit each of them in turn....spend months doing it.
Do not stop living, planning for your own future, and working toward that goal.
Yes, my mother wants to go everywhere with me, even when I run to the bank!! I need time to myself even if it's just running errands!! She's so selfish, she only cares about herself, my therapist says it sounds like she has always had a personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies!!
I moved Dad is 3 years ago because after mom died he was not taking care of himself or even his dog to that matter (left alone 24 hours and fed high fat foods... the dog). Dads weight, sugars etc were out of control. So I packed him up "and moved to Beverly".. as the song goes. Suffice to say prior we were the entertaining couple. every weekend with friends either our place or theirs or out to dinner. We had an oasis installed for summer parties. Dinner parties in the winter. Did my best at intimate dinners with my wife. Dad moved in to the formal living room (my grand home business office). We tried entertaining but dad became friends with my friends all of a sudden. Sat right in the middle of every party (I get it, he is lonely). So I tried my best to let him participate. After a while we started to entertain less and less. We dont go out as often because we dont know what we will come home to (mess in the house). My wife is upset because of some of the smells (he is getting better at laundry of is clothes and bathing). I have become attached to my home 24/7. he is very mobile and able to be social and does get out. So why has it impacted us so much. My wife does not like to leave the house now so I am stuck. Now the kids moved in for temporary (2 weeks a year ago). So now 3 dogs and 5 adults....... No entertaining except for a few holiday parties I push for. Last night I tried to get my wife to go out for ice cream, cant even do that..... We have a weeks vacation planned so I installed an outside surveillance system I can access so I can have some piece of mind while I am away. Part of the reason is I am in the basement for my office now and I cant see who is coming in the driveway or at the front door.
Hi tgengine. Kind of same story. Except we planned my mom moving in 23 years ago. The 3 of us mom husband and myself agreed that financially it made a lot of sense. I'm an only child. She was/is single. She was fun back in the day. We had parties all the time. Mainly family but good times. She was in her late 50's. Younger than my husband is now. I was early 30's. It worked for a long time. Doesn't anymore. She has MCI. She's 79. Acts 109. No more parties. My daughter and her bf have their space upstairs. Kind of a suite. My mom has first floor and bedroom upstairs. Husband and myself finished basement. 2 dogs. I miss my dining room. My husband misses the kitchen. We never cook anymore. Family room is right next to kitchen. She sits there 14 hours a day. Feeds dog treats on the leather couches. She knows where we at all times. Because you got to pass family room to go up/ down stairs. Hard to not feel trapped. She has no friends. No interests. Now stopped caring how she looks. Is on aricept and anti depressant. So many people are in our situation. I have limited answers. Just trying to stay positive and be grateful for what I do have. I have "met". / encountered many people on this site and they have all been so nice and helpful because we can empathize with each other because we are living pretty much the same. Hope this helps a little
Guys, please get yourself checked for Vitamin B deficiencies, especially your dementia addled parents/partners. This can mimic dementia and alzheimers, but is often missed by doctors. Treatment may not repair the effects of B deficiency, but it will halt its progression. Also, look into a good probiotic supplement for yourself and your loved one. There is now plenty of medical evidence linking the microbiome to stress, depression and somatic illnesses.
Of course, check all of this with your doctor first before taking anything.
All the while I was caregiver for both my parents (Dad passed away last Sept) I kept contact with friends. Since they are all 2000 miles away, I don't expect visits. But, I get cards and calls.
Next summer I am going to do the grand tour and visit each of them in turn....spend months doing it.
Do not stop living, planning for your own future, and working toward that goal.
Of course, check all of this with your doctor first before taking anything.
Good luck.