Do any other caregivers feel they have little left to offer?

I lay in the bed at night and do way too much thinking on all the what if's. Last night/early morning it was this thread that wouldn't leave my thoughts... for a long time I was wondering what was wrong with me. Was I becoming a mean bitter person? Did I hate everyone? Was I scared and depressed and just wanted to hide away in this prison.... I, like all the other posters here, just feel all used up with this responsibility here that there is no way I could take on anymore. I know I need to get a handle on this before mom hits the next level. If I'm struggling now, I can't imagine...

I went so far as to delete my siblings from my FB, I deleted my son and his friends and well, basically, I deleted my entire family. Why? I did NOT want to see all the fun they were having (especially my two older brothers who live 15 mins away) I felt such resentment towards them and everything they got to do and I can't even get a few hours a week respite from them. What I don't know won't hurt me, especially in this regard.

Wishing everyone the best!

My immature, emotionally needy mother drained me dry over the years. It was always me she turned to first in pursuit of what she wanted, irregardless of how it affected me. It destroyed any mother/daughter relationship a long time ago. Today I regard her as a burden and distance myself as much as possible. There is absolutely no positive emotionally feelings toward her, just resentment. She will never stop trying to use me first for her needs no matter how many boundaries I build. I am not an only child, but she is very reluctent to ask my siblings for help. She doesn't want to burden them. Just waiting for the day when I can truely be emotionally free from her pursuits.

You read my mind. I'm new to this forum and decided to sign up because you shared a feeling that I find most people don't understand unless they've been a caregiver themselves. My mom has Parkinson's and dementia and requires full care. I live one and a half hours away and despite having two brothers who live closer, the bulk of the day to day issues, personal support worker concerns and regular social visits fall to me. After six years of this, (and I do love my mom) to say I'm exhausted is an understatement! For me, its not any big crisis that is so tiring its the day to day drudgery, the tiny details that are vital to my mom's care but are SO time consuming. Its the waking up everyday knowing that my mom will call and have one of three conversations...that she's lonely and her family never visits or calls, that everyone from her past has hurt or taken advantage of her, or that she needs to get ready for christmas (yes even in january). I feel like I'm in that movie Groundhog Day. I work in the health care field and I need to be present and have a smile on my face for my clients. So at the end of the day I feel so physically, emotionally and mentally depleted that I don't have it in me to socialize. I'm so demotivated that I can't seem to maintain an exercise plan. And join a social group? Not a chance! It's just one more commitment...one more demand on my time. I know I'm just going through a rough patch and I will find something which renews my energy but at the moment, I sure feel battle weary.

In difficult times like this,I recall my father's words of wisdom..."Like a large and uncomfortable kidney stone...this too shall pass!"

omg, yes. today in particular. I take care of my dad alone. I suffer from my own physical problems, and today I'm hurting extra bad. I have sisters who live near by, but won't help. Only a few will call, usually to shoot the breeze or tell me about their problems, etc. I'm to the point I won't even answer the phone when I see it's them. I have a daughter living with me who has no empathy or compassion and won't help with anything....just stays in her room. I have no patience left for any of them. I'm barely hanging in there. My only relief is when Dad dies. How awful is that!? I was talking to a friend of mine who just put her dad into AL after caring for him for a year. (I'm going on 6 years) I brought up to her I wonder how the elderly sick are cared for in other countries? Especially Sweden, Norway, etc. where the quality of life is very high. We are all burning out!

I feel all used up a lot of the time. Much of my energy is used up by my mother arguing at me. I can't argue back, so there is no winning. To tell the truth, I dread being around her because I know she'll start something. Yesterday it was about some new lawn chairs that I bought for myself. She wanted them in the front yard all the time so she could use them. To her they are hers even though I paid for them. She seems to look for things to try to pick a fight and it is exhausting.

I've also been dealing with the realization that I have been living with a feeling of shame during my life. I wondered how many other people who become caregivers for their parents have a shame-based personality. I imagine that many people who were raised by narcissistic or neglectful parents do. I've often wondered why I am here, and wonder if the feeling that I owe something to the world has something to do with it.

All this was brought on by something that happened two days ago. My mother said that if she hadn't taken me in, I'd be out on the streets. That was a strange statement because I'm here after her pleading for 5-10 years and me getting a divorce. I have retirement savings when time comes to tap into it, so money is not an issue with me. I'm not rich or poor, just one that will squeak by. I also work from home, but she says it isn't a REAL job. Sheesh! For some reason she needs to make me feel shame, and it made me realize how much this has hurt me during my life... and how it probably set me up for being her caregiver while my brothers are enjoying their lives.

But everyday is a new start. Sometimes we have to realize what has happened before we can make it change. Sorry to hijack the thread. I am so bad to ramble.

After 5 years I realized that I was done...completely empty of all reserves to do caregiving. Besides the caregiving I had a major operation and got a serious nerve pain condition since 5 years ago, so I'm done...physically, mentally, everything. I found a nice place for my relative who was living with me to move to. She is very happy there, but still makes jab comments to me, but she is in a great place with nice people...so I don't worry about her. Along the way I also found out that there are now very nice places that take medicaid immediately which I didn't know about. I thought living with me was the only financially viable option. I was wrong. There are a lot of options other than me being the caregiver. I am also working to minimize any caregiving types of activities. I am nearly down to 4x a year doctor visits and 2x a year dentist. I'm fine with visiting every now and then but other than that, I cannot do any more caregiving. I went through my dad dying, then my mom's dementia and dying and 5 years of another relative. I'm done and I'm ok to let go and let another place do the caregiving no matter how many complaints that I hear.

All of you are venting the same thouhgts as me. I know and understand what you the person that posed this question and what the rest are saying as I too am taking care of my 88 year old mother (5 years now) who is critically ill and refuses to go to a rehab for additional follow up care from hospital. My son who lives her with his 3 year old baby and girlfriend is against me as well and has told me that he will never speak to me again if I try to have my mother removed from her house. I am mentally a New York minute from having a complete nervous breakdown and am asking my doctor to prescribe some new meds for myself to be able to continue doing everything for my mother. (she is diabetic, has COPD, high blood pressure, and arthritis unable to walk) I am 63 and have health issues as well and have explained to my mother how much I love her but that I am not physically or mentally able to continue caring for her. She says, you are my daughter and you are supposed to do this for me. With my son and my mother and brother against me trying to get my mother some outside help is too much to fathom. A social worker is coming in next week to determine if my mother is eligible for Medicaid. If so, many more resources would be available for her. She has outlived all of her assets and receives a small monthly pension. Sometimes I want to run far away and find a tranquil peaceful place where I can try to regain my sanity. I feel myself slipping further away from reality. Crying spells keep me from focusing throughout the day and night and with all of the responsibilities, I haven't had a social life in years, nor do I have time to think of myself as a person anymore. I feel so sad........Please pray for me and I will do the same for all of you going through this most difficult time. Thank you

God, I hear you all loud and clear. This sounds like some kind of epidemic or something. When, do you think, they will come up with a cure? How are people expected to go on like this? How are people supposed to find day to day strength when they are already so drained? I hope the future holds some answers.

I feel the exact same way all the time. I am a middle school nurse, so I feel hammered by needs all day long. Only to get off work, run up to the hospital to pick up my mom from visiting my dad. (who has been hospitalized for 2 months now) I have to arrange mom's ride to the hospital for the next day. And then decide if I am going to cook or pick up dinner.... and help her with her shower and get her ready for the next day. Meanwhile listening to her list of things she needs my help with. Meanwhile I feel my chest tightening as the list grows. I feel like I give 26 hours of the day. And as an only child, it all falls to me. I am exhausted, and stressed out. I am encouraged when I realize that I am not the only one feeling this way.

I had to respond to the couple comments here referencing facebook.
Facebook is a giant brag page - yuk!!
Of course no one likes to look at other people's "so called" perfect lives. It's all a mirage - not healthy and It makes people hate each other.