Do any caregivers feel at a complete loss at what to do when they actually have free time for themselves?

During that hour, you can relax in a bubble bath, listen to soothing music, take a walk outside, get a manicure or pedicure...........................................or read a book! Make it something just for you alone!

PeeWee, of course you will think of your mom. No matter what we caregivers are doing, we think of our loved ones. And when our time for us is over, we know what we are returning to. But if we don't do these things just for us, we will have major burnout. I don't know how long being a caregiver is going to last for me but I do know that while my husband is alive, this is my reality. No, I don't like it - not my choice - but it is what I do now as well as filling days with things for me so I can be there for him.

Quagmire: I can relate to your comment. Sometimes I'm not sure what to do with myself and it's not like I don't have a million things to do. I'll get a couple of hours when the caregiver comes in and I can fill it running errands, grocery shopping, etc.

I have a friend up the road and we try to get walks in, weather permitting. I love the conversation and the 3 miles of fresh air. Good to connect with a friend and great for the mind to get the exercise. I must say, I have a hard time reading books now. Use to love too, but now it's hard to focus.

We put my dad is respite care for 3 days the end of Feb. We didn't go anywhere but that was fine because it was just so relaxing to be at home and not have to think about my dad in the 24/7 care giving mode. He's been living with us for almost 6 months.

I think we really can lose touch with ourselves on the journey. As others have said above, make a plan and go do it. I love to go to Farmer's Markets, maybe you do too. Get some fresh flowers and produce and invite a friend to dinner. Of course, that might seem like more work.

I do understand how you feel. At least you realize what you are feeling and that will allow you to work on some advance planning. Good wishes to you.

I can relate, When I get a couple of hours off, I go to the grocery store, walk the dog, or look in TJ Max , try on shoes. Taking a walk with someone else to talk to would be good. Like you, I worry about my Mom while I am gone. It is hard to make plans with someone else because of different times. The people who work in the grocery store say hello and we talk , I'm in there so often !I'm sooo glad the winter is over! Good luck!

Sometimes, stillness is more rejuvenating and exactly what we need. But if we judge ourselves for "doing nothing," it feels lazy rather than like the reboot we actually need. So see, next time your weekend includes staring at the floor, if you are actually recharging. That's ME time of a different nature. Funny thing is, if you enjoy instead of resist and judge it, you don't need as much of it!

I couldn't believe it when I read the question. I could have wrote that. I had a couple of hours to myself yesterday. I threw in a load of laundry, did the dishes, and then kind of wandered aimlessly about the house. We recently got help from the Area on Aging, and I have yet to leave. I keep saying "next time". I didn't even answer the phone when it rang. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to have to interact with anyone. I locked all the doors so my neighbor couldn't suprise me. I think it is much needed time to recharge as others have said. I think it is very important to just "be". We are human "be'ings not "do"ings. It makes me feel better to know its not just me, I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. Great question. It seems like I do spend a lot of time on this site since I found it. It is so wonderful to be albe to talk to people who truly understand what you are going through. Peace and Blessings, Vivian

Poor baby:( Yes, I know what you mean. Not with caregiving, but when my kids were little, I was sick and had a lot of stress. I remember one weekend my husband took them on an excursion and I was just as you describe. I was a mess.
I think what might help is next time you are daydreaming about " what if", write it down. Plan a fun day for yourself: "what do I really want to do to enjoy myself"???lunch and a movie, museum and wine tour, take a trip to the zoo on the train, get a massage, manicure, pedicure, then buy a new outfit--whatever floats your boat. Use your Imagination. There is no limit, there are no rules... Plan something then get up early and GO DO IT, GIRLFRIEND!
Whoohoo! you can do it! Have a good time then come back and tell us what you experienced. Give yourself a positive name:) Hugs, Christina xo

I feel the same way sometimes. When I finally do get 1 hour off, I go to the grocery store, or maybe take a shower. I might even accept an invitation to dinner, now that's really special! But no matter wher I go.... I'm always worried about my mom for the whole time that I'm away. Sometimes my mom won't go to the bathroom until I get back, in which case she usually wets herself by then, then I'm changing sheets , cleaning her and putting clean clothes on her. So, I say to mysel.... maybe I should just stay home? It might be a lot easier!

I find gardening to be relaxing and revitalizing. If you don't have the space for a regular garden, try a container garden planted with a mix of edible flowers and vegetables. You would be surprised what can fit into a half barrel sized garden.
Or give yourself the gift of a "spa" day. Let someone pamper you for a change!
A quiet walk in the park or just sitting and reading a good book with quiet music in the background is also soothing and relaxing.
It is hard to shift gears, but if you make it a part of your routine it will become easier to find "you" time. Good luck!

Oooh yes! I find myself doing the same thing..not like I don't have a million little things to do! I run what errands I have to but then there are time I just lay on the couch and sleep. We don't realize how emotionally exhausted we are....