I live several states away from my mother and I'm limited in what I can do for her as. My father passed away about a year ago and my mom is still grieving and coming to terms with her new situation. She lives in a very nice gated community in a beautiful house filled with beautiful things. Her health is good, though she suffers from depression and panic attacks. My problem is that she is a reckless spender and I believe she has a serious spending addiction. To make matters worse my brother, who also lives in the same state, is an alcoholic who hasn't worked in over ten years. My mother supports him while he spends all his disability money on alcohol and partying. My other brother, who was working up until my father passed away, quit his job about a year ago, got divorced, and is now unemployed and wants to remain unemployed, hoping against hope that he will also get disability. My mother has helped him financially as well and buys him clothes, furniture, car insurance, etc. Now, she is coming to me asking me to help her financially to pay her property taxes and homeowners dues. My husband, and therapist, feel very strongly that helping her financially would open the door to endless requests for money and would also serve as an enabler for her to continue her bad behavior and supporting two brothers who are old enough to be grandparents. She will not move, stop helping my brother(s), use any of the services available to her in the community, won't come to visit, won't rent out a room, won't change or take action on anything, though she tirelessly and endlessly asks for advice. Talking to her has become an exercise in futility with teeth-grinding repetitious themes (I'm lonely, I have no money, your brothers...). I am the only one in my immediate family that went to college and has a good paying job. I've worked very hard in my career, not to mention that I have a husband and two children to take care of. My daughter will be entering college next fall (no small financial commitment). I feel like a very bad daughter and person but I don't think it's the right thing to do. My brothers have profited quite nicely from my parents over the years. In particular, my alcoholic brother. Shouldn't she exhaust her assets and/or sell her house and tell my brothers to find their own way before asking ME for money? My brothers are 50 and 44 respectively! I refuse to enable my brothers to continue their lifestyle. I'm truly at my wits end and have now been put in a very awkward position of saying "no". I have talked myself blue in the face for 15+ years on advising her to no avail. She does what she wants. This feels beyond terrible.