Any other caregivers dealing with symptoms of menopause along with caregiving duties?

Yes, I completely understand what you are experiencing. It's not your fault. I know we tend to feel guilty if we aren't perfect caregivers. Give yourself permission to be human. I can't take HRT but I've heard that Estroven helps because it has black cohosh in it which reduces hot flashes. Herbs aren't studied in this country so many western doctors don't recommend them. It's worth a try though. Good luck. I hear ya on the insomnia. Hugs to you! You're doing the best you can. never forget that!

Hi Macada,
Smitty has some good advice. I'd also try meditation. Dr. Andrew Weil offers many natural ways to relax. There are, of course, many types of meditation. The idea is to free the mind from worry. If you gain comfort from turning your troubles over to God, then use meditation as a means to do that. Yoga stretches (you needn't worry about any "religious" meaning here, just the physical stretches) can be very relaxing. Dr. Weil's site is just one of many to show you some poses.

Remember that, as Smitty says, you are doing your best. You know you aren't angry with your mom. It's your jumbled hormones. You may be interested in knowing that several studies have shown HRT given for just a few years can be beneficial.

By all means, don't blame yourself. Look for relaxation and relief any way you can get it (in a healthy manner, obviously). And try to get some respite help with your mom so it doesn't feel like everything depends on you.

Take care,
Carol

Thank-you both Carol and Smitty for your thoughts and suggestions. I won't use HRT but I will certainly go onto Dr. Weil's site and read up on meditation, I think that will be helpful.
It has just been an overwhelming year with having to move in with mum last year and then my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same time (she has had chemo and radiation.. hopefully it was all a success), and I find now that I am spending my time caring for mum I have a lot more time to "think" and that is not always a good thing. Combining all of that with fluctuating hormones and insomnia, sometimes it gets the better of me. Exercise helps and I will look into the meditation. Thanks for the suggestions!

Yes, I feel exactly like you... and am seeking same. Some things that work for me.

I go to gym 3 times a week to lift weights, listen to music and connect with others.

Walk daily with dog and sweetheart.

Try to do yoga... local community places. Only Gentle/Restorative yoga, because in addition to the walking and weights, it's more about stretching, meditation and reminders to stay centered, etc.

On top of all this, I too wake with night sweats. Jump out of bed! Seems like I can't sleep for more than 1.5 -2 hours at a time. Can't be good in the long run and I have been doing this for years! When I do notice that I've slept for 4 hours straight I dance with joy!

I am NOT suggesting this, but it seems to help. I run down to the freezer and eat a sugar free ice pop. It cools me down and I fall back to sleep quickly. The bad side is the fake sugar! So this week I am trying a small cool cucumber to cool down. I know it sounds silly, but it is much more healthy than fake sugar ice pop...

I've tried hormones, melatonin, and every other suggestion from Weil and Oz. I feel like they just push products and nothing really helped. So, I'm munching a cool cucumber at night and hope to sleep.

Started the "Engine 2, Plant Strong 28 Day Challenge". Dr. Esselstyn and other doctors and medical researchers found that the consumption of only vegetable products (excluding fat/oil, salt, sugar) is very healthy. I'm not an expert, but the research is compelling and you can find it on the internet.

My best wishes to you. I think women should band together and address this issue, because the medical field doesn't seem to get it. For me it has lasted 10+ years!

My mom's approach was to "ignore it" and get on with life. That's another thing we could try. Make believe it's not really happening. ;-) I find that very difficult, because it IS happening and I for one need to keep looking for answers. Yoga, exercise and working on eating super healthy is kind of fun. :-)

Weil recommends both meditation and breathing for proper relaxation.

But google "dr weil menopause herbs" and you will find plenty of natural herbs that DO help menopause as well as many that are routinely recommended but DO NOT have ANY science to back them up. So you can see what might be worth it to try for you and your symptoms as well as what NOT to bother with. Don't ever forget that herbs, although natural, provide material doses of plant ingredients. Side effects should always be checked against prescription medications and other supplements before taking.

HYLANDS Standard Homeopathic remedy number 13 is an old standby for menopausal symptoms. It is a combination remedy and doesn't work because it is a combination, isn't "stronger" because of the combination of ingredients, but will work if one of the ingredients is the one you need for your symptoms. Non-toxic. No contra-indications with other medications or supplements and easily available online or at most health food stores.

ME, ME, ME!! I could have wrote the same letter! My emotions are all over the place. I can't sleep. Some other personal symptoms (if you get my drift) I have been taking Estroven and also something recommended by health food store guru call DIM plus. Order it from Vitacost though, it's alot cheaper.

Me too! I get hot flashes a lot. Exercise and prayer help me deal with everything.

Same here - OMG when we visit mom on Saturdays at dinnertime, she'll repeat herself as usual (thankfully :) but then she'll "surmise" that Richard's daughter isn't happy (Chris lives in Maryland w/her ex, their 13 y.o. son & her 2 y.o. daughter) So when mom says that I feel the need to answer her - Richard gently tells me, Karen, just nod your head lol - Being women, when someone EVEN w/dementia or AD talks, we automaticaly think we should take part in the conversation & actually talk to them! UGH!!!! But yep, I find myself getting frustrated a little too easily w/mom - I NEVER hit or slap her, just, well, leave after a too short visit - 9 times out of 10 she'l tell me to stay & I calm down & stay, but others...I would just like to know how to best handle my frustration w/mom - wait I just had a athought - when I start getting upset, I can just stop, breathe a few times, smile at her & calm myself down!!! But yep, I'm right there w/ya!

Forgot to mention I can't take HRT due to breast cancer - estrogen positive...

Is this site making "helpful answers" disappear when you click on "Helpful Answer"? Just want to make sure it's not my computer - thanks! I mean the entire answer disappears - what's that about?

Sucking on ice can help cool off when overheated -- NOT chewing, just roll it around in the mouth. No calories! Also ice on the back of the neck. And has anyone tried sleeping on a CHILLOW?

Hello Macada,

I know exactly how you feel. I am in that place myself. I have been taking care of my mother who has dementia for the past 7+ years. I take ashwagandha at night and it relieves night sweats. Also tart cherry juice at night helps with sleep.

Make sure you have dinner at least 3 hrs before sleep and try not to have alcohol at night because this increases night sweat. Try to be detatched when dealing with your mother. I know this is easier said than done :) God bless you. Your reward is waiting in heaven.

I found a Chillow to be very helpful. You can order online, I found mine through the Hyster Sisters after my hysterectomy. Also, eating lots of juicy fresh fruit all day seems to help me. I know reducing stress helps, but that is near impossible in our situations. I had to turn to an estrogen patch for a couple of years because of the sudden surgical menopause, however, after that I found I could keep the hot flashes very mild if I concentrated on these things and at least my sleep was not disturbed hourly every night. Strangely, it seemed that if I exercised more, my flashes increased which was just the opposite of what was suggested would happen.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is exercise. I walk about four miles about four times a day or mix that up with other types of strength and aerobic exercise. It will help your sleep patterns and promote seratonin in your brain, which helps with depression. You also may need more soy in your diet, allow yourself a night glass of vino, and ask your GYN for an antidepressant.
I began with Serafem (yes, it is Prozac) about 12 years ago, when I was in perimenopause. They call it "Serafem" for a reason. It does help cope with female hormone changes. The doctor told me if it were hormone related I would feel better in about two weeks and I did. I stopped taking it a few years ago and waited. The 'dark cloud' hovered for a while and I decided there was no reason to feel any worse than I needed to. This time I changed to another antidepressant, which this current doc thought might have fewer side effects regarding weight gain. I really didn't notice any difference one way or the other. But I know I feel better when I take something.
I also have been coping with degenerative disc disease (terrible back and neck pain) as well as having discovered I had hyperparathyroid disease (the two tumors they removed were estimated to be about eight years old). There are many bad side effects from that including osteoporosis, mind fog, confusion and depression, heart and circulation problems, kidney stones, terrific bone pain. I thought it was all menopause and age related. So have a complete work up too. Take care. It isn't easy.

frustrated2 .. thank-you for responding to my question. I agree with you on some of what you said but disagree on others. I don't agree with taking an antidepressant for menopause, I was given an anti depressant once for insomnia and it MADE me depressed, I believe in dealing with menopause without meds, that is just my personal choice. Also my belief is that too much soy raises estrogen levels and my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer last fall so I stay away from soy. I do however agree with you on the exercise. I get at least a brisk 45 minute walk in every day and I am buying a hula hoop for aerobic type exercise. I can't get out as often as you do because I am caring for my mum and I don't like to be away too long. I do however make at least 30 trips up and down the stairs every day so that is good exercise as well. I gave up alcohol about 10 years ago because it gave me a rapid heart rate. My biggest issue with sleeping is the night sweats, I think I am going to buy a chillow and see if that helps.
I appreciate all of the responses, everyone has had something helpful to suggest and I appreciate it so much. It makes me feel less alone with this. :-)

Everyone is different. I think the question was what works for others. I really do strongly agree that balance in life is very important, so too much of anything is, well, 'too much'. And of course, if an antidepressant makes you MORE depressed then it isn't working for you!
I don't eat a lot of anything soy, but when I gave up HRT patches, I began taking an OTC form of soy and black cohosh which has helped with the night sweats. As for 'getting out as much as you do' I don't think you know how much that is! I think my point over all is that when you take care of anyone else you have to fit in some time for yourself or you will have nothing to give. I equate it to a pitcher - pour out all the water, don't refill it, and you are dry. The way I see menopause - what the experience has been for me, anyway - is just another change, not THE change. I always had very heavy, bad periods with pain, clotting and cramping. I was diagnosed with severe PMS in my 30's and when I 'toughed it out' by not addressing those mood swings, depression and crying jags, it wasn't good for anyone around me OR me. My regimen with Serafem was two weeks on, two off. I began to forget when to stop and restart, so the doctor told me to continue just to take it every day if the two on, two off worked for me. Very low dose, too. So I knew my issues were hormonal. Yours may or may not be. Or a different medication might be better. It is clinically proven that when people are placed under prolonged stress, their brain chemistry changes. Mixing constant care taking with hormonal changes is to say the least very stressful.
I am not arguing with you; I just think perhaps you didn't get what I was saying. I certainly do wish you very well. What you are doing is hard but you are attempting to make things work better for you and I applaud you.

Actually frustrated2.. when I said I don't get out as much as you do that was in response to you telling me how much you got out, so please don't say I don't know ok. You told me in your first comment that you "walk about four miles about four miles a day" and I'm telling you that I don't get out that much.

frustrated2, correction ..that should have been you told me you "walk four miles four times a day." and I do not get out that much.

Can't be of much help because menopause just happened at age 45. could not take HRT because birth control pills gave me instant migraine. Wasn't I lucky I did however have hot flashes for years so would only wear cotton next to my skin and no tight necklines. I did also only wear pure wool sweaters but that was mostly because I was working with horses and they don't like synthetic fibers. They will come right up to you and snuggle so you can easily put a halter on if you are wearing a well used wool sweater. Same thing with bedclothes, keep them light and easily taken off or put back. Keep the house as cool as the rest of the family can stand it. My life was automatically healthy so sleep was not a problem and a long trail ride through the woods is very peaceful. The winters were filled with snow and a love hate relationship with Boris. He was my huge red Russian Balarus tractor and I used him for everything from moving hay, clearing snow and dumping manure. The hate part came in because he was diesel and reluctant to work in the winter. We had to plug in his engine warmer and cover the engine with a blanket. Once he got going the cab was heated and it was fun using a 6 foot wide snowblower. Don't know what Boris had to do with menopause but if explains how I dealt with menopause. Don't know where he is now as he was sold at auction when we sold the farm

Veronica91.. if nothing else, your comment really made me laugh. Thanks for that! ..Long Live Boris! :-)

im post menopausal thankfully.

@Captain.. I was wondering when you were going to show up !! Hahahahahaha!!!

This practically saved my sanity (and probably a few friends' lives) ..
"What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause"
By John Lee, MD

I was in the health food store, picked up a copy of this book, read the forward and stood there crying .. someone knew how I felt! And I wasn't going crazy.

I bet the library has a copy.

I know what you are going through---I was my dad's caregiver and was going through "the change"---may dad and I had some funny sayings for the symptoms---when I had hot flashes we would kid about the weather heat----the only thing I can say is the symptoms will eventually get less and less and you will feel like a new person----until then find out what triggers your symptoms---mine was chocolate and I had to give it up until I was done with the symptoms----now I can have chocolate in moderation---I hope this helps somewhat---I know that this is a very confusing time for you but things will get better---it just takes time like everything else---Janet

Thanks Janet.. I am addicted to chocolate, and ice-cream. I also like a curry dinner every once in awhile. I know spicy foods aren't good for hot flashes but I didn't know chocolate was the enemy also. Ugh. Thanks so much for letting me know!

In 2005 I lost my job of 14 years and moved to this state to be near my mother. At that time I began having hot flashes. In 2008 I had my last period. In 2009 my mother moved in with me. She was an RN. A few times I mentioned my discomfort with menopause. If I just got hot I could deal with it. She was not sympathetic. "Oh, I just got hot for a minute and it was over." I deal with feeling malaise about five minutes before the hot flash, although I've had it hang on for an hour. I have about 30 hot flashes a day and it seems I'm always having PMS. I rant and rave of various boards about various subjects. I don't think my mother really got over menopause. She was swearing at me and screaming at me and yelling how nobody liked her. I will not use HRT. We don't have breast cancer in our family although my mother died of it and she used HRT for many years.

Earthquake.. if your mum died of breast cancer than make sure you get mammograms every other year if you are post -menopausal and self exams once a month in the shower, soapy wet hand are the best. :-)

I would say 99% of the lady writers on this site have menopause. I went into menopause naturally at 42 yrs. and still have some hot flashes, but I just get cool with my cold wrap from Mission which you wet with cold water then snap it three times, and it stays cold. I also walk every day 3 - 4 times per day since we have a dog and cat (yes, the cat takes a walk with us), have a Chair Gym to increase my strength, meditate, watch cartoons, watch animal programs and the HGTV International House hunter to see different locations to live. There are dozens of ways to relax, you have to find the ones that are right for YOU. It can be done without drugs, alcohol, or HRT which has been shown to increase your heart risk. You are going through the rough part now while your body readjusts to the changing hormone levels. If you can stick it out then symptoms subside to a tolerable level. Think about our foremothers who never took hormones and lived. It does get better! (And krusso, maybe the site's server is being overloaded and it needs to delete every so many days - I really don't know).

Thanks ferris1-- I completely agree with you about not taking HRT, drugs etc and I don't drink alcohol anyway so that is not an issue. I think sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the combination of menopause and the challenges that come with living and caring for an elderly mum. I do get out for a 45 minute walk every day rain or shine and I feel that is really helpful both mentally and physically, my next step is to learn meditation. Learning to unwind is more difficult than it sounds (at least for me it is). Also, I have more time to "think" now that I have given up my job and am not interacting with people on a daily basis and I find that too much "thinking" is not healthy. I am going to stock up on some good books as well. :-)

Macada - Have you ever heard of lying on your back, take your right three fingers (or anyones you have strength in), and rub COUNTERCLOCKWISE very, very deep breathing in your nose and out your mouth? Gauranteed to put you in a deep, relaxed state and you may fall asleep. I do that exercise when I have too many things on my mind and am trying to fall asleep. You have to push down hard (into your belly button and it will hurt), but it is worth it! Try it and see if it works for you. Also, try going shopping and just talk to whomever is there. You would be surprised how many people you can talk to and you will forget about your problems for awhile. My best to you!