Hi all,

First, let me say I found this site about 6 months ago and I have found it wonderful! However, being that I have been taking care of my mom for over 5 years, I SURE WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOU GUYS A LONG, LONG TIME AGO!!! :) All of your stories and advice inspire me so much, so thank you.

Now, a bit about my personal challenge. After taking care of my mom for so many years, and letting her move into my one bedroom apartment after her strokes, I finally figured out that I needed to create healthy boundaries between us (for fear of losing my mind, or gaining more gray hairs…or both! ) I love my mother deeply, but she had strokes when I was in my early thirties and I have put my life on hold in order to deal with her and get her to better health. In order to create better boundaries, I had to fix up my mother’s house so that she could move out of my apartment and back into her place. Long story short, it has taken years to finish fixing her house due to personal health and financial concerns of my own. I am from a family where we were raised to “honor thy father and mother.” My dad was such a good father and I have tried my best to make that happen, but everything I have gone through in the last 5 years has about sucked the life out of me trying to do it! I am so close to getting everything sorted out and almost at a point where I can FINALLY start moving forward with my life again, but I need help getting our story out. Do any of you have advice on how to make this reality?

I am so tired. Being that I am still in my thirties, I feel like so much of my life has already passed me by.

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Well I went to the website and read your story. When your father told you he wanted his wife to spend 'her golden years' living in that house, what that BEFORE or AFTER she started having the strokes? You can't be held responsible for her health and the consequences of that, but maintaining the dream about that house when no one saw it coming. That would've been a whole different story had your father known about what his wife was going to be like weeks later. I don't believe you're going to get much support about raising money to fix up a house on this site, but then again I could be wrong. Either way, I know you're trying to do what you believe your dad would want you to do. But if I were you I'd re-think and modify that ideal, but still take care of your mom's living arrangements. Have you checked into Adult Foster Care? Good luck.
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