How do you respond when a loved one is dying and their primary caregiver consistently makes comments saying he is going to keep her alive and that hospice is suicide? Backstory-my MIL is at the end of a short battle with pulmonary fibrosis and has been on hospice since the first week of March. Her boyfriend of 20+ years is the primary caregiver (he has no POA or legal rights) and has been through this with his first wife. She was terminally ill and he says she died of suicide, that she wanted to stop taking her meds so he complied and stopped giving them to her and she died. He has said that hospice is here to speed up the process. We seem to have taken a few steps back because a few weeks into it, he had a change of heart and acknowledged that the comfort pack isn’t to kill her and that low doses of morphine and Ativan will help her anxiety and breathing. He seems to have changed his mind again.He admitted to me very recently that at first he wasn’t receptive to them and didn’t want them here. Obviously he had no say in that matter. Anyway we knew a nurse had come over yesterday afternoon (MIL asked us not to come over because of the nurses visit) so today when we stopped by, I asked her partner what the nurse said and he said “you don’t want to know. It was bad”. He further stated that the nurse told him not to give her food if she’s not hungry and he apparently got in her face because he thinks it’s suicide! He is adamant that he will keep MIL alive as long possible. Now due to her illness, food can be dangerous and she has had some bad choking episodes when trying to eat solid food. Her digestive system, from what I can tell, started shutting down about a month ago.(brown urine, decreased urine output, bowel movements every 2-3 days. No appetite). Anyway he was going on about how not giving her food is “suicide” and that he won’t do it. He said they gave her a suppository and that having a bowel movement is very difficult and her oxygen level drops down in to the 50s and she struggled to get it back up. He was quite upset over the nurses comment. I am thinking I should have stayed silent and let him go on but I said “well food isn’t going to keep her alive” and he acknowledged that I was correct and he said that the oxygen machine is what is keeping her alive. And he again started talking about doing whatever it takes to keep her alive, that he won’t medicate her. he also said he is struggling mentally because he never knows if she’s going to be alive when he wakes up in the morning! I feel rather guilty for saying that food isn’t going to keep her alive but at the same time, I know my MIL is suffering and I know what her medical POA states and she wants to go peacefully, she does not want us to prolong life. My own mother is very sick, has COPD and we have discussed her wishes and they are the same as MILs. So it is very hard to watch my MIL clearly suffering, when her partner made his comments today about not letting her die, I wanted to say “really? You want to keep her alive? What kind of life is this? You really want to let her suffer because you think anything else is suicide”? Believe me I know better than to say those kind of things out loud! But basically as she continues to decline, it just gets harder and harder to listen to him go on and on. I don’t know if I should keep my moth shut and just nod my head or gently remind him that her wishes are not to be kept alive? I am so conflicted because I have to think about my own emotional well being, as well as my husband and children who are all watching her slowly die! Seems like somebody has to be the voice of reason here but I don’t think it should be me?