If a family member is the caregiver and takes more verbal and physical abuse from the patient, what can you do?

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So what I do is laugh it off and say whatever and walk away, my brother has diabetes, and Hep C and cirrosis of the liver and maybe dementia ,and my mother has dementia and deal with them both everyday and I am the only family member that has taken care of them both

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Paradise I wasn't lucky I got help from a rape crisis counsellor... not counselling per se but an explanation that abuse is nothing more than the insecurities of a bully intent on gaining power for themselves and that the best revenge is to be the best person you can be and to stand up and be counted for the things that are right and to expose the things that are wrong in this world. This words meant so much to me and I try to live by them. I have lost jobs for standing up for the right things but I never lost my dignity. I have lost 'friends' for criticising things I believe are wrong but I stand by my comments. I am a gobby cow and I get a lot of things wrong but I do try especially when it comes to the serious.
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OMG, ohjude...how awful!!
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OhJude...unfortunately, I have to admit that cycle does happen...learned behavior. I also know of MANY situations don't go in that direction. You are lucky,my friend. You broke that cycle...intellectually & emotionally. God bless you. We need more like you!
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Easily llama lover. My mother it me over the head with her walking stick some time ago when I was asleep. Ive seen with my own two eyes a person who I didn't think was able to stand unaided pick up her zimmer frame and throw it at a nurse. A gentleman not far from where I live was stabbed by his wife who had frontal lobe dementia with a pair of scissor. My mothers friend's husband has knocked his male nurse out when he was having his catheter changed. It's not about the fact that they have the capacity in a one on one situation its that they almost seem to be opportunistic in their choice of times. Hair pulling, biting and scratching is common especially at bathing and dressing times when the person with dementia feels exposed and very vulnerable and the CG has to be close enough to do their job. Its not necessarily about strength but don't confuse dementia with infirmity. The two don't ALWAYS go together although inevitably they will. xx

Paradise did you mean abused people become abusers? Please say no to this. In my experience I would be anything but abusive. I know the powerlessness I felt and if I had my way no-one would ever have the capacity to disempower another. I am much more likely to harm me than another.
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Wow! How does the elder impose physical abuse on the CG from a strength standpoint? Child-like behavior, yes.
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Could not agree with wanto to learn more. You have to educate yourself as much as you can. Another good resource, if not mentioned before it "The 36 Hour Day"
Really, you can't get educated enough because just when you figure it out, something changes & blew that advice out of the water. Good luck & God bless you in your journey
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The book Learning to speak Alzheimers is also a great reference as it gives strategies for recognising things that might be setting off upserting and argumentative behavior so that these wpisodea occur less frequently
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If you have people with dementia in yourhousehold the polive like you to let them know so that if they need to resond to a call the have some knowledge going in. At the very least, start with that. You also might want to take the online courses provided at the Alzheimers association website. There is a baduc class and then you can take one on managing behaviors.
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I believe that you are able to have a person committed to a mental hospital with the signature of a physician and one other person if the person is in danger of harming him/herself or others.
At least I think this is true in Georgia.
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Abusive situations travel in cycles. It sounds that your brother needs a serious intervention & if there is physical/mental issues...remove him from the mix. Abusers become abusers...thus the cycle continues .YOU have the power to break that chain. You are stronger than you think. Easier said than done...but from personal history, it may hurt, more than you could ever imagine...But take a deep breath and DO IT, or you may not be around to do anything
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