I posted earlier this week that we had found a new normal, but I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, the shoe quietly dropped. Mom as I mentioned her breathing is getting worse. Its nothing too dramatic, just retaining water and its begun to build in her lungs a bit. From not monitoring water intake for a dialysis patient is a no-no. The doctor gently told her that she needed to improve her self care. She told him that she felt that she is nearing the end of her life and she sometimes felt that she deserved to eat and drink what she wants. He told her she could prolong her life if she did a few things differently.
On the ride home she indicated that on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not wanting to live and 10 being willingness to do whatever she could to continue to live, she said she was only a 3. She was tired of her life being hard. She misses my dad who died in March and that she didn't want to tell me because it makes me sad.
I guess I was right to contact palliative care. Her health is bad, but I suspect depression. She feels crappy most of the time and she is lonely and grieving.
I am depressed and grieving too. I'm okay, but it's wearing on me. I'm looking forward to some peace.