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This is the first time this has happened and I am not quite sure what to expect. She will be coming 2 hours 3xweek. This woman literally talked about herself for the whole two hours. My mom got a couple of words in but that was it. My son was here and we were talking about panic attacks and anxiety and then she started tell us that she had a nervous breakdown years ago, that she is on an antidepressant and anti anxiety meds. She shes her psychiatrist for something that happened 20 years ago and this was in the first hour of her being here. She said she was a talker and could talk for hours. Now I know I am on antidepressants and anxiety meds but really should she be sharing that information that quickly or at all. She never asked mom if she could get her anything or if she wanted to play cards, etc. I would like to know if I am making more of this than I should. Again i have no experience with this kind of thing so I don't know what to expect. Any advice.

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If she is from an Agency I would not have her back. If you Private Duty hired her yourself I would tell her it was not a good match. Anyone that comes in as a Caregiver in your home or your loved ones home should atleast know the meaning of the word....I have had CNA's watch porn! I had one Woman pray in tongues over my Father! Had one Woman raise her hands after the fifth time of him having a BM and saying Lord she done earned her money! I have showed them all the door....Go with your gut!
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Maggie, great job prepping the caregiver! That is amazing!
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I'm back. It occurs to me that some may not know how to act around a caregiver. I use a service. They background check all of their people; they come with identifying professional badges showing they are employed by the service.

When they get there, frankly, I'm already half-way out the door. I introduce myself and Tom, thank her VERY much for coming, and run down a short list of things I'd like her to do. Sometimes the care giver is someone I've had before; sometimes it's a complete stranger. I have faith in the service.

I don't ask them to do any housework AT all. The house is spicky-span when they come, and I expect it just that way when I get back. I've never been disappointed. They're generally hired for a 5-hour or more stay.

I've written a clear list of her responsibilities in bullet points including what time to feed her dinner (which is all ready for her in the fridge; a cold plate since she had her big meal earlier in the day); what time to give her her meds (they sit in a covered little shot-glass sized cup on the coffee table atop a sticky note that designates the time yet again; I show her how to use the Keurig; give her snack and other food instructions, if needed; I've brought in ham and potato salad for a sandwich for the care giver and tell her to help herself to anything in the fridge that she'd like to eat. I usually have some bakery.

On the table sits a list of information I want her to have: my cell phone number; Tom's cell phone number; my cousin's cell phone number; our full address (in case she has to call 911); and a short list of don'ts. Don't give mom anything not on her food list (she's salt restricted). She's in briefs and knows you're not taking her to the bathroom; do not let her up from her wheelchair and do not unfasten her gait belt (very loosely restricting her).

I invite her to call me at the drop of a hat if she has any questions; show her how to use the remote, and fly out the door with a kiss to mom and a great big thank you to the care giver for giving us time away.

We're always home a bit early and tell her to fly home as soon as we arrive, thanking her profusely again for her time and trouble. She gives me a short report on the evening. The report I REALLY care about is the one from mom hoping she liked her and had a good time.

Almost always she's a very happy camper.

(I had Tom put locks on two of our bedroom doors. We lock them when we leave. We keep all of mom's medicine locked up, (ours, too) jewelry, all of our personal papers, some silver collectible coins, a handgun and several other valuable or private things. I highly recommend everyone do this...not because these people are thieves or I think they are, but because I don't want to misplace something valuable and THINK they stole it. Easily happens with jewelry especially.)
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Fligirl, leave the house! You need the time, as do your Mom and the caregiver. If you stay you are only setting the caregiver up for failure. What is the worst that can happen? Mom try to throw her out, call 911, think she is a thief? That may happen, it did here, but give her a chance to do her job.
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Fligirl, you do realize that her value is two-fold, right? One, to entertain mom; the other for you to be freed up to leave the house. Right?
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Thanks everyone for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I only talked to her for about 10 minutes and went into the living room because I had a feeling that she would continue talking to me. When I asked her what she would do she said play cards, watch a movie. That is exactly what my sister said she wanted her to do. She comes again today and I am going to my room so I will see what happens and let you know
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See how it goes. If it is all about the caregiver even after she settles in and gets to know you, or if she doesn't even give herself a chance to do that, then you need a different person and she needs the feedback that she monopolizes conversations! Some people who do that are not really aware that they do that. Somehow she might think it is helping you to talk about her own problems even though it is wildly excessive.
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FG58. I can understand how this information being shared with you would cause discomfort. As FF said she may have been trying to find common ground to discuss. If she was there to care for your Mom I am surprised that you were part of the discussion, it must have been lengthy. Had you not been there the caregiver would have had time to get to know your Mom. Next time she is there take your respite and let the caregiver do her job to care for Mom. That will be communication on a whole different level and what the caregiver is trained to do.
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First, make a list of things you expect the caregiver to do with and for your mom.

Make sure she always has fresh ice water.
Serve her a snack at ______ o'clock.
Clean up any dirty dishes in the sink and put them away.
Throw a load of wash in the washer as soon as you arrive. Put it in the dryer before you leave.
We started a jigsaw puzzle with her on the tray in the living room; work it with her a little while.
She likes to play gin rummy. See if she'd like to play a few rounds.
Take her to the bathroom (or remind her) before you leave.
Ask mom about _________ -- she loves to talk about that.
Please rotate dusting between living room, dining room and her bedroom. The dusting supplies are in the _____________,
..............

Stay out of her way or she'll end up talking to you the whole time. We had someone like that coming for mom a while back. I didn't care, because mom needed the social and she enjoyed the visit. She'd clean for a half hour and then stay another three talking her brains out. Got paid for two hours. *shrug*

If this lady doesn't run with that list and she's from a service, call the service and ask for someone else telling them gently why.

If you hired her privately? That's a real good lesson on why you should hire thru a service. ;)
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fligirl58, sometimes people who start new jobs are chatty.... they are trying to find a common bond with the new people they are around. At least she had warned you that she was a talker.... give her time to adjust. And she won't be sitting in a chair not saying anything.
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