Sinking in mom's care, financially. Any advice?

I would look into getting a POA over her finances if she's mentally sound to make decisions. I don't see why your mother's money shouldn't go your household...she's living in it. If she lived anywhere else would it be for free? As long as her needs are covered, work something out with her with what's left over if that's possible.. Obviously, if she can't make decisions, you'll have to work something out that's fair to everyone... Good luck..

thanks I have POA I just don't know if it is legal because she is living with us. I understand that she can't stay anywhere free - but because I have POA would this be conflict of interest -

If you have POA, you shouldn't have any problem at all working out an agreement with your mom if she's mentally capable, put it in writing. If your mom can't make decisions, you and your husband work out something that's fair, based on what she would pay anywhere else. You can charge less than that if necessary, just what you think is fair. I don't see the issue here. Your mom's money would go to keeping her housed with you, she's paying for care she's receiving, and shelter... If you're POA, you can spend her money the way you see fit, in her best interests of course. A contribution to the house hold from your mom, due to expenses being higher because of your mom, doesn't seem unfair to me, it seems perfectly logical, and yeah, I think you're legally in the right to spend your mom's money on your house...HER house now, too... as long as you're not taking advantage, I don't see any legal issue...

Do you want to keep her home with you? if she goes to a N/H she will have to spend down her assets which I assume would be the value of her condo and after that Medicaid would kick in. She would loose her SS etc for part of her care but would not be responsible for the whole cost of the N/H In the meantime she should certainly pay for her own expenses, her drugs, any medical supplies such as depends her caregivers and medical co-pays. if you don't charge rent she could contribute her share of food costs based on a percentage of the number of people in the house, likewise with the utilities and anything else she has a share of. Are their other family members who you are afraid will question your decisions?

I am trying to keep her out of a NH however its getting harder and harder on me -- no not at all - its my sister and I ...sister has a child with disabilites and is tied up with that trying to work and everything else the world throws at ya.

She maybe should pay you rent, because any money she doesn't spend will ultimately go to Medicaid, and rent is a legitimate expense. You should draw up a rental agreement so that the money won't be considered a gift.

Absolutely allow Mom to pay her own way. She has income. She can afford to pay room and board, medications, and supplies. When looking back at her expenditures Medicaid certainly does not expect to see that she has had no living expenses!

To be sure that things are set up lawfully and in your mother's best interest, I suggest consulting an estate planner or an elder law attorney to decide whether to sell the condo, what to do with money from that, and to draw up a personal services contract spelling out what she is paying you and what you provide for her.

You are generous and caring to devote so much time and attention to your mother. You certainly should not take on a financial burden as well, as long as she can afford to pay you.

If you have POA you can sell her home if your POA states that you are able to deal with her real estate assets. We sold my mom's home several months ago.
It doesn't sound as though your mom makes too much for qualifying for Medicaid, the issue is that if she has the condo, and she qualifies for Medicaid, when she passes away Medicaid will want their money back out of her equity in the condo.
If you can sell the condo, do it. Then Medicaid allows for $5000/month in expenses. You can pay yourself that much or less. I am going to be paying myself $2000 to spend down my mom’s money.
When you sell an asset like a home, there is a “penalty” period that Medicaid requires that you wait for before your mom will qualify. For example: my mom’s house was $61,000 in equity. We will have to wait 12 months before my mom will qualify for Medicaid (12 months times $5000). This is how Medicaid protects itself from fraud.
There were a lot of bills that had to be paid off so we paid those off and will spend down my mom’s money so that in April of 2014 she will qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid only allows less than $2000 to be in her savings account in order to qualify. They will use all of her social security (all but $155) for her nursing home care when she goes into one.
I recommend you see an elder attorney to give you guidance in all of this. It doesn’t cost a lot but is well worth it when your mom gets to the point where she isn’t able to take care of herself, then you won’t be surprised.
I’ve gone through all of this, with my dad (when my dad was qualifying we protected my mom’s assets) and now going through it all with my mom. My mom gets about $1400 in social security and pensions so it doesn’t sound like your mom makes too much to qualify.

If I were you, go back into your bank statements, for at least a year and see how much it has cost for all the respite care, caregivers, etc. Document it all. Then get an idea as to how much it cost you to have your mom at home. If you want to pay yourself a little more than that, then do it. You deserve it.

Another thing, the state used to pay family members as caregivers for their parents. Oregon took that away a couple years ago due to budget cuts. BUT, when/if your mom qualifies for Medicaid, and she doesn’t go into a nursing home, you can be paid, through the state for taking care of her.

thank you