My mom has a brain tumor, and because of the tumor, or maybe the side effects of her cocktail of medications, or likely a combination of the two, her personality has changed dramatically. She's gotten especially aggressive over the past two months. She is uncooperative, belligerent, paranoid, and simply mean. My friends and our family on the periphery (i.e. those who don't do hands on caregiving) are always saying, "oh you know she doesn't really mean it, it's just her condition."
But even if that's true, at some point does not really matter? I am not a human sponge to absorb abuse. It's affecting me mentally. I am getting depressed and cry frequently. I understand why elder abuse occurs because sometimes when she is mean, I have to fight the urge to tell her, "fine, you can figure out your medicine on your own or go to the bathroom alone". I am starting to hate the mother I was so close to before. I already resent the fact that my elderly parents did not plan for old age, ruined their relationships with their other children, and never bothered to build any support group but me, and now expect me to shoulder all of the caregiving with no consideration what will happen to my own life.
I am on medical leave from work, and more than once before I have thought about quitting my job to take care of her until she passes. But now I feel like I'm going in the opposite direction. How can I quit my job, uproot hundreds of miles, and seriously impact my future only to face an uncertain number of months or even years being subjected to a "f*** you" when I try to help, and accusations that I am trying to take her money.
I feel like I may have to resort to assisted living, but that will only make her angrier. She will probably hate me until the day she passes away, and I don't know how I will ever recover from that.