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My mother fell and broke hip last Dec. She was in rehab for 3-months and never gained much mobility despite therapy.She is 86 yrs. old.
she was brought home and my brother and myself take care of her 24/7,although my brother has a day job which is only source of income.

We are under a caregiver contract in which our compensation from her for the caregiving is deposited in a joint acct between brother & myself to be used to purchase an interest in her property which is still in her name. The attorney set this up as asset protection if she has to go into a SNF.

My mother has a lot of medical problems which seem to be mounting each and every day. The Home Health has come to help with issues like treating pressure sores, however, they only come for a short time and give me instructions on how to deal with the problem.

The problem is the taxes on our compensation is about 30% of the compensation and when my mother's funds are depleted, we will not be able to pay the taxes on our compensation.

The attorney told us we could opt out of the contract, however this would cause a lien to be put on the family farm if my mother has to go to a SNF. My brother has his house on her property with no where else to go if this were to happen.

The caregiving duties are becoming more than we can handle physically and mentally. My husband is retired and helps me a lot with her care, but this is affecting our relationship and putting a huge strain on the marriage.

We are exhausted and feel our health is at risk due to the stress .

We don't know where to go from here!

Does anyone have a suggestion?

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Probably need to talk to an elder attorney about the financial situation. What state and county is the area in? Who is the homeowner? I don't think it is fair to leave the property "empty or foreclosed because funds are running out?" or anyone homeless, either.
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breaking, my heart goes out to you. Mom fractured her hip, but surgery was successful and it was a long rehab process.
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reverse mortgages have to be repaid, find a new lawyer
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check out the state laws in whatever state you live in. Living trust, not really sure what that entails. I know that some states have put into effect that if it is not given within so many years before the person going into a SNF then the state can step in and take it. Not sure what the rules are in your area, g
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My heart goes out to you as you struggle with these decisions.
Here is my advice, although limited in scope.
1) Call the lawyer. Make an appointment for you and your brother. 2) Cancel the contract. Say bye-bye to your lawyer. Find a way to compensate yourself and your brother for your caregiving. Be careful not to touch her S.S. checks or any other bank account that she may have. The ex-lawyer will be watching.
If life becomes unbearable, find a NH in which your mother will be comfortable, and let the nurses handle the bed sores on a daily basis.
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Could you, brother, and hubby potentially get a mortgage loan to buy the home from your mom for something resmbling fair market value, and pay that? Then the proceeds of the sale would be used for Mom's care, either to you as it is set up now, or to a facility. If a facility, then possibly you and brother would have more earning power as well. But the 30% loss of assets value to taxes sounds significant...that really does seem like an unusual arrangement, and I think I like the idea of a second legal opinion on the whole thing!
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I use raw unheated honey, spread on large bandaid, to keep my mom free from pressure sores... change bandage daily. Works faster than procedures used by nurse who came until I realized this.. Really fast healing if you catch it right away. Keep plenty on hand. Also try to reposition her often so she's not putting constant pressure on same areas. Also check for every possible source of help. I am now determined to take small total relaxation breaks throughout the day instead of constantly working.... My greatest salvation is depending on The Lord Jesus, spending time in fellowship through the Psalms. On purpose lots of kisses and hugs for mother, humor, singing, engaging her, making time for relationship interaction which can so easily be lost due to constant care requirements. To get rid of stress that I could actually feel moving in my back, I knew I had to rethink the situation and not allow the stress. It works. The mind and how you view everything is critical in addition to having some one to help and respite hours.
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Hi , I am a home caregiver CNA. I take care of alot of elderly with no family, and i have seen families come in and help My question is does your mom own her home? i have seen and heard of reverse mortgages the home is hers its her finances and could bring in licensed home health care private or an agency. To give you relief home care is not easy. I f you are choosing to keep her in the home and not a alf, or nursing home her home could be the answer..
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I agree with ferris1, above. If she were put in a facility, that would help you, your husband (your marriage!) and your brother. The finances would need to be worked out. But, continuing as is, is obviously a problem. Make the decision to get her and family help and then how to financially and legally support that decision.

FYI...there is a lot of talk on here about Hospice and because of a recent experience I had with Hospice, I learned that the program is not the same everywhere. For instance, where I live, due to limited staffing, Hospice could only come to the home 1-hour a day. With my situation, that wasn't going to be a help, and wouldn't be for "breaking" either. However, in my area, Hospice has free, in-patient hospital care, which is what we opted for. In comparison, a family member who has had Hospice in her home twice in the past five years...and lives in an adjoining state...was able to have Hospice during the entire day, several days a week. So, just thought I would provide info about how Hospice varies from community to community...program to program. It is not a 'one size-fits all' program or option. One needs to explore the program in their community, before making decisions or assumptions.
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At first glance, I don't want to minimize your tax situation, but you have bigger issues with your mother's pressure sores which if not properly cared for might go into septicemia and she would die at her age. My advice as a nurse, is to put her in a skilled nursing facility and let the professionals do the work. You and your husband will regain your relationship and your brother can live in his house on the farm. As a paralegal (it comes in handy with nursing), and my husband was an attorney, I do not recall any attorney setting up this kind of arrangement, but law is changing all the time to accommodate health care needs. I would however, get another legal opinion and see what other options you might have. Talk with your mother's doctor and see if he/she thinks she is near hospice status which should not cost anything. Best wishes.
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My suggestion is to get a new attorney - one NOT connected to your current attorney.

And if your mother is destitute and goes into a state facility, dependent on state funds, some states reserve the right to go back 5 years into her finances. They can force the sale of some or all of her estate.

However, if your mother has money and you can pay out of her pocket for her insurance and expenses, they cannot touch her estate. Though, out of pocket can be just as devastating.

Again, get a good financial attorney to see where you all stand.
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I am an attorney although not in elder care. I don't understand the contract you mentioned. Would need more details. But, at this point, it might serve all of you to replace the contract with a more common sense and common approach.
Would your mother be willing to sign the deed of the farm over to you and your brother? She could have a "life estate" meaning she gets to live there for the rest of her life, but it would be your asset. Medicaid has a 5 year look-back, so if she needed to go into a care facility before that time, the farm could be an issue. But onlyu p to the value of what the care facility costs for whatever portion of the 5 years remain. I am assuming that your mother gets social security. If she had to go into assisted living, they would take that money as part of their payment. Is the farm owned free and clear of any mortgage, and how much is it worth? Does you mom have any other source of income?
Are you aware that medicare will provide aides to care for your mom usually for about 10 hours per week-depending on what state you live in? Every little bit helps. There are also agencies that can provide you with aides by the hour, usually for 4 hour minimums.
In many states, it has now become popular to place elders in a small private home-usually between 4 and 8 people with a couple of nurses around the clock. This is far less expensive than an institutional facility and better care in many cases. Yours, is a very common situation and this is one of the solutions people are using. I don't fully know your situation but I hope this has given you some things to think about. I also want to mention that something doesn't sound right about your mom's hip surgery or rehab. She should be doing better than what you described. My mom had surgery on each hip when she was just that age. The first went so perfectly she couldn't wait to do the other. But after that one, she could never walk again without a walker. We had her ex-rayed and took her to another specialist. Everyone said it was OK and it was just her age-obviously not since her first surgery left her in fine shape. It wasn't until 5 years later that her surgeon contacted us to say the device used had been faulty from the beginning and is being recalled-and he could do another surgery to remove and replace. By that time my mom was 92 in failing health, contributed to by the hip replacement. Outrageous. I mention this because, your mom should be doing better than she is. I encourage you to look into the reason why she is isn't. Good luck to you, as I know how difficult caring for an aging parent can be.
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Wow, what a mess...

I'm no lawyer, and don't know squat really about the law, but something about this contract stinks...I think money that you earn from care giving should go directly to each of you, not into some joint account. If the money is to be used to purchase an interest in the property, but the property could be under a lien for your mom for a NH...doesn't sound to me like you've got a good deal anyway you look at it. You aren't getting paid at all, from the sounds of it, because there might not be anything left to buy an interest in... But I don't really know.. It smells like a rat to me, because this money you're making from care giving doesn't sound like it's not yours at all the way this lawyer has it set up... Maybe one of the experts has some good advice... I hope this works out for all your sakes. We get how hard this job is, and I fully support you and your family's right to compensation for it, one way or the other. I would find a way to get the money you're owed out of that joint account and into your own personal accounts if possible... get a different contract... I admit this is just beyond me... You want to do right by your mom and get her the care she needs, and her assets should be used for that, but at the same time you're owed money you've earned...and your brother has a home on the land... Sticky indeed... I wish you the best... Please let us know how things are going, and if you've gotten help... I hope you get some really good advice here by the people that know about these things...
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