What if I can't pull out of this resentment phase of burnout?
I cared for my Dad through a terrible cancer battle at age 60, and watched him die a painful death, just after giving birth to my daughter. As a new Mom, I needed support, and struggled with postpartum depression, but support was not there-I WAS the support. My Mom was dependent on my Dad, and she declined in his cancer. Both were in and out of the hospital at the same time. I am an RN and was the POA. I received no help from my only sister, who must be going through her own form of grief and is full of anger and will not help me care for our Mom who is end stage. I am pregnant again. And I am bitter, depressed, and angry. I feel robbed. My Mom is a waif, a child to me. She has learned helplessness and will do nothing for herself(although this could be seen as withdrawling from life, she has been this way her whole life). She is manipulative, offering guilt trips. Her quality of life depends on me. She is sucking me dry. And I am angry. And argumentative with her. And then I feel guilty b/c I am angry and argumentative with a helpless dying woman. I have made an appointment for counseling. We do have actual bedside caregivers caring for her, but I am the one managing it all-bills, her home, caregivers, food, the dog, nurses/physicians, etc. I feel like I hit a brick wall. I have nothing left in me to offer. My husband is great support but he is fed up also. I try to pull empathy and compassion (I had it before) but its not there, I only find anger and resentment. I avoid talking to her b/c I struggle to converse without the resentment behind her. Every doctor/nurse feels she should be Hospice. She wants to keep fighting, but always refuses to go to the hospital. When she is confused it leaves me to make difficult decisions b/c she is refusing but also made her wishes known to keep fighting. But I just don't have the fight in me anymore. Im the one ready to give up and without me advocating for her, she would never live. Have I hit the point of no return? Is it possible to have any quality relationship with her before she dies?