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Does anyone else have this problem? Mom has stage 2 dementia. She will harp on the same subject for literally hours until the actual thing she is harping about finally gets done becuz I can not tolerate hearing her whine about it anymore. Is this part of the Dementia sickness? She has me going from one room to the next asking for eyeglasses, toothpicks, backscratcher, heating pad. endless cups of water and coffee, change her perspired nightgown every 4 hours, get her poise pads for her, serve her three meals a day and then makes terrible faces like the food is too disgusting to eat. She is soooooo hard to get along with. She does not want anyone coming to the house, for example, a senior bus to transport her to the mall, etc.,. I finally told her that I can not and will not be her entertainment and maid all day long until she goes to bed. I finally filled out an application with the city to have some one come in and help me several hours a day. It is called respite care and is very inexpensive. They will remind the patient to take her medicine although they are not allowed to touch or give the medicine to her....they will cook a light meal if needed, light housework, and provide much needed companionship. I have told her about this, because I am going back to work part time evenings in the Spring and like it or not, she will have to allow this person whose credentials are checked out completely by the city. I am also going to go to a gym very early mornings couple days a week and may be able to do this while she is sleeping. I will not give up my life because I am obligated by my family to take care of my mother 24/7. No one else will help me and my brother changed his email address and phone number so I can't reach him....why in the world anyway would I want to talk to him....he made it clear from the start he and his wife want nothing to do with the care of my mother. Leaves me with all financial decisions, deciding when the time comes, where to place her, and all of the other ugly and sad decisions I will be making when that time should come. Meanwhile, I try to do some things for myself, take a short drive, buy a cup of Starbucks coffee, go to early Mass on Sundays and am looking forward to the person who will be chosen to help us. I hope you are not facing all of the caregiving responsibilities alone? If so, may God give you his special graces each day, every step of the way, to help you keep going. God bless you wonderful friends.

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You are doing the right thing by having someone come in. Let us know how that works out.

Mom has dementia. She may not remember her nagging. She may no long have filters in place to recognize her behavior is inappropriate. Or she may simply be selfish. (Was she this way before dementia?) In any case, either do what she wants right away or don't do it at all. Having her nag for hours and then giving in is rewarding the wrong behavior!
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OCD is a oft side effect of dementia . my mother was never fanatical about housekeeping / cleaning but in her final months / weeks of life she wanted to see 6 merry maids a sweepin . wanted the cabinets cleaned out and all the washed things put back . spoiler alert ; i was the sole caregiver and the perfect housekeeping did not transpire .
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Just like a toddler, or a teenager, your mom has learned that nagging wins. If NO really meant NO she would not nag. Only you can change the outcome of the nagging contest. You mother appears to be attention-seeking. This would make her a good candidate for an assisted living facility. Some of them are like going on a cruise. Look around and keep all options open.
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Your mom probably has trouble with short term memory and cannot remember things from one hour to the next. This is quite common.
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I know why I backed away from any care of my mother. A lot of the things that my sister was doing for her, she could have done herself. My sister seemed determined to make my mother an invalid. So, as often happens, my mother outlived my sister. Mother did not even go to the funeral. ?? Anyway, she couldn't live alone and she is now in a NH and is quite healthy. She is clean, fed, entertained, etc. I don't know why my sister couldn't cut the cord.
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glornorth59, every time I see your screen name I am hoping there will be some major changes regarding the care of your Mom, you've been dealing with her for many years now at her home.

Was happy to read you are finally getting out of the house, and that your Mom will be having someone to come in for several hours a day. Bravo, that's a good start :)

As for your brother, correct me if I am assuming wrong, but I bet all these years he wanted your Mom to be in an independent living or assistant living. He probably foresaw the future and knew it would consume your life. You probably won't hear from him until Mom is placed somewhere and her home is sold.

By the way, has your son, his wife, and toddler found a home of their own, or are they still living under the same roof with you and your mother? I remember he wasn't very kind to you and got angry even at the suggestion of his Grandmother moving into a professional care home.
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Who in your family said that you were obligated to take care of your mom 24/7? You are making the right decisions by not buying into such emotional blackmail via, Fear of making someone angry or feel hurt, unreasonable sense of Obligation or Guilt for not doing it. You do need to take care of yourself and have your own life and work. Spend her money for her care and place when she needs to be as well as apply for medicaid if and when that is needed! I'm glad that you have someone coming in soon. My dad has three caregivers a day for 24/7 that both his long term care insurance policy and his money is paying for.
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glornorth, it sounds like you have things sorted out and needed to vent about what is going on. Vent away! Folks will drive you crazy if you let them. :)
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