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Our caregiver, "Sue" (name is changed), was pretty good at first. She cleaned up after my father in-law, helped clean the house and anything else we needed help with, but now she is on a downward spiral. She is now only feeding him a chocolate cookie, fried pork rinds and, if he is lucky, a can of Vienna sausages for lunch/supper. She is also getting romantically involved with my husband's brother, who is supposedly in charge of my father in-law, but we can't find the papers that say so. Other things she has done that my husband and I don't agree with are: arriving late, leaving early, asking about our personal financial business several times a day, and when we tried to fire her the first time, she called the brother who then came home and proceeded to psychically harm my husband; the police were of no help at this point either.
Sue has over stepped her boundaries in a major way as far as my husband and I are concerned. She has, for lack of a better phrase, wrapped my husband's brother around her finger enough that he has asked her to marry him. This is a pretty big deal seeing as he isn't the type to rush into something like marriage especially since he just got out of one. I'm fearful for my father in-law because Sue doesn't pay attention to him like she should and since she has the brother wrapped around her finger, he also isn't thinking about what is right for Joe.

A little information on my father in-law:
He has dementia, Parkinson to the point where grabbing a small glass is nearly impossible, has had 2 strokes, is bed ridden, has broken a hip, and he can barely talk. He has moments where he can talk clearly, but it is only yes or no.

We are wondering if we can get any advice on what to do to get rid of Sue.

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Knowledge is power.
You might get some surprising information and leverage by obtaining a criminal background check on her, too. Again, attorney can advise and facilitate this.
Good luck to you!
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I have great experience with besthomecaremn.They offer Home Health Care Services for People of All Ages.
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In Home Care service is the best option for elderly who are not getting proper home health care. With home care services patient can live independently and happy.So hire only those person who are really dedicated to for it.
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Honestly, I have no idea. My husband believes he signed joint POA with the brother, but we can't find the papers he signed and the brother isn't letting us see the papers he has. This was all done through a JAG office on base (my father in-law is retired army)and they say that if we can't find the papers then nobody has POA.
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Who has POA, and is authorized to act on Father's behalf?
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Thank you for your response sunflo2! My husband and I plan on talking to an attorney as soon as possible.

We have the invoices, but the only problem is that the brother has signed some of the checks to her. He has also recently signed a check to her for a weeks full of work when she did not work a single day. As for the POA, my husband and I have not be able to find the POA papers, yet we are always being told by the brother that he is the one with all the power; he never shows us the papers though.

We have tried to give Sue a contract, but she either ignores us, refuses to sign it, or she tells the brother who then yells at us for trying to make her sign one. I'm not sure what to do about this.
As for the rift, it is already there because the brother laid his hands on my husband because Sue decided to run to him after we tried to fire her the first time, so I am not concerned about that. We went to the police about that issue as well, and they were of no help.
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Too bad she wasn't hired thru licensed and insured agency. Regardless, her romance with family member is clearly unethical while she is in a paid employment position within that family. I would definitely see attorney. Secondly, be sure to clearly have documentation of your observations with fathers care, hours kept, etc. to back your claims. Do you have invoices and payment history for her services? Brother can't just claim he in charge if he doesn't have POA, he may have case however if he is the one paying her invoices for care services.

Do you have a contract with her outlining the care expectations, services to be performed, hrs worked per week, etc? If not, maybe all should draw one up, reviewed with attorney and then get signed, that way you can have some protection for dad and caregiver is clear on job expectations.

I know she is trying to worm her way in, but you need to get this taken care of immediately. If you can't fire her, your only recourse is to call adult protective services to investigate. Beware, this will cause an irreversible rift in your relationship with uncle.

Then you may have to go to court to establish guardianship, conservatorship to protect dads well being.
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Thank you for your response Eyerishlass! I wish that we could go through an agency to get rid of her, but sadly care isn't an agency and they say they are not reliable for the people who get hired from the site. I wish we could just get rid of her, but every time we try something the brother defends her and my husband and I are left without a leg to stand on. The brother and an aunt that normally has very good pull in decisions like this, is on his side because Sue has wormed her way to them as well.
My husband and I are the only two who are in the house when Sue is working which causes a problem with us because we can't leave the father in-law by himself before she gets here (normally at 4pm) and we are scared to leave Sue with him by themselves.
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Aaarrrrggghhhh!! I'm so sorry when I read caregiver horror stories!

You and your husband are right. Sue has gone way past the boundary of professional ethics. If you're able to get rid of her through her agency I think you're in for a hell of a pickle if she becomes an in-law. You and your husband are going to have to do what Sue was unable to do: Draw the line between personal and professional. Professionally, get rid of her. Complain to the agency. And then steel yourselves for the time when she becomes family. Hopefully you will have hired a wonderful new caregiver by then through a reputable agency.

I hate stating this on this site but I am a home healthcare nurse (I also cared for my dad in my home for 5 years. He died a little over a week ago). I work for a wonderful, ethical agency and would be fired so fast in this situation that my head would spin. We're not all like this. I take my job very seriously, I give my patients 100%. There are boundaries and lines we don't cross but there are people who do. Just know that not everyone is like Sue. Not everyone insinuates themselves into the private lives of their patients. I work hard enough doing what I'm supposed to be doing that I couldn't give a rat's patootie what my patient's finances are. As long as I continue to get work and a paycheck I don't care who pays for what. I take my 'orders' from whoever hired my agency. Sometimes it's the daughter of my patient. Sometimes a spouse of a patient. It doesn't really matter to me as long as it's made clear to me what my responsibilities are for that patient, during that shift. And once I'm off work (usually a 12 hour shift) I don't care what goes on when I leave. When my agency signs a new client our Director of Nursing (DON) makes a home visit. Among other reasons, to make sure the job is doable for the nurse (me) and to make sure the environment is safe for the nurse (me again). If something makes me uncomfortable on a job I am welcome to call my agency to discuss it, 24/7. If I don't want to take a particular patient I don't have to. If I don't want to go back to a particular house I don't have to. My agency takes care of it's staff and in return we have a great staff and great patients. Of course, some patients are easier/nicer than others. Some families are easier/nicer than others but if I ever stuck my snout in where it didn't belong with a patient I'd be fired in a second. And if I see that the family is tired or the spouse is tired I throw in a little TLC for them too, on the house. Just some emotional support to let them know I understand how difficult their situation is.

Again, I'm so sorry you got a person like Sue enmeshed into your family. She's way out of line and should have quit before getting involved with the brother. She should be paying more attention to her patient and fixing him nice meals, making him feel as if he's in a restaurant instead of throwing a Vienna sausage onto his plate. This really burns me.

Have faith. There are reputable, ethical, caring people out there and they work for reputable, compassionate services.
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We hired her through care and we are in the process of finding one to talk to.
Thank you for answering!
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Did you hire her through an agency? If you did, you would not have this problem.
Contact an elder law attorney ASAP. Maybe one of the Experts on Aging Care will see this and have a better answer.
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