My mother has daily help from caregivers found for us by a local agency. She has settled into good relationships with two of them in particular. One of them, who I will call Julie, spends every shift telling my mother about her many financial woes and talking about how little money she has. Truly, she seems to have some big problems (bad credit so cannot get a landlord to rent to her and her adult son and so instead lives in an overpriced residence hotel, refuses to give up a pet and has been thrown out of some living situations, another son who asks for money all the time, down to only $150 in her checking account, etc. etc.) but these are not, of course, my mother's problems. My mother knew poverty for a time and is very sympathetic to these issues (as am I) but I do not want her becoming (more) stressed out worrying about Julie's problems. I worry too that Julie is going to start pressuring her directly for financial assistance. Already, she is pressuring her indirectly I think -- leaving long pauses for my mother to fill in with "I'll help..." during these many litanies, etc.. We have had a hard time finding people to come regularly and work (small town, understaffed agency) and so don't want to lose Julie unnecessarily. What would you do?
Then wait and see if she puts the brakes ont he complaining and lamenting to your mother. If she does, then all will be forgotten. If she doesn't, you call her boss and tell them what she's doing.
It places the "reason" on mom's stress and avoids discussing this with the boss unless it causes mom more stress and it becomes necessary.
You should request a different caregiver today. I would not tolerate this and I wouldn't trust that she'd persist in doing it in other ways. Don't take no for an answer from the agency. No employee is irreplaceable. In my 4 decades as an employer I've found that everyone is replaceable and a bad employee is NEVER worth keeping.
You don't tell your Mother you are reporting it or asking for a replacement. If your Mom asks where she went you say, "I don't know."
You should also secure your Mom's house so that no one can peek around into drawers or mail or closets for valuables. Sorry, theft by caregivers is a crime of opportunity, so don't give them any.
I have my Mom's checkbook and Visa card at my house. She has a tiny bit of cash "hidden", and all her banking and financial info comes to me. I hold her SS card and passport. There's almost nothing in her home of value that anyone could sneak out with.
You don't know for a fact that the caregiver is looking for the OP's mother to give her money.
You don't have experience being a caregiver/companion to elderly people. When you're sitting there with an old person hour after hour, day after day it gets hard to make pleasant, generic small talk about nothing. It can be compared to watching paint dry. Sometimes the conversations get personal because you're with this person every day for many hours.
If the OP's mother likes this caregiver and they are a good fit, leave well enough alone and have a talk with the caregiver. No one should be so hasty like you're advising to snitch her out to her agency and maybe get her fired. No need for that.
“Save the drama for your [own] mama.” Words to live by! 😉
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