Is there anyone out there besides me who wishes their mother would die?

I understand where your feelings of frustration are coming from. Deep down you don't "really" wish she would die...but you are resentful of your situation. Do as others have suggested and seek another place for her to live where she will get care that isn't full of resentment and ill thoughts. Your current living arrangement isn't healthy for either of you, especially when you don't have a support system to help you out. Start the paperwork rolling now - once she is in a good facility, you will begin to feel like a daughter again and less of a raving lunatic...believe me. (((been there, done that, got the t-shirt)))

I know how you feel. I sometimes wish i was free, but i never want my Dad to die. I know this will end eventually. I know Dad is so much happier and healthier being at home. I know I have grown in love, courage and compassion. I am a better person for having done this 24/7.

for the last 6 years i have yearned to return to my own home and resume my own life but one mighty sweet and brilliant old lady had to pass away for that to happen. please dont treat your care recipient badly. if you were as ill as they are you might not be much fun to be around either. im just glad i got myself educated and made her last several months as pleasant as possible. i know they can drive ya nuts but be careful about saying things you cant take back later.

No, I don't wish my mother would die until it is her time, but I do wish she would quit driving me crazy. She is never happy. There's no way to make her happy, but if I don't try to make her happy, there is something wrong with me. Come to think of it, even if I try to make her happy, I don't do it right so she's unhappy. She's a crazy person and drives me crazy. I do wish she were smarter, but I don't wish her dead.

Take a look at the "www.agingcare.com/questions/handle-taking-care-of-elder-that-is-mean-148971.htm" thread on here too...this is a very, very common sad story.

My mom was not anywhere near that bad, though she had her moments and was overall pretty critical and perfectionistic. And yet when she passed, though I'd hoped for a little more time, I also knew it was in a way a blessing because if it had gotten any worse for her, like not being able to eat, she would have hated every minute.

So, no, wishing the end could come is totally, totally understandable under these circumstances. There may have been reasons she is the way she is, something in the way she was brought up, and thought it seems to be hoping against hope that any positive change could occur, I will pray for that. Some people just build up these huge horrible walls where they do not understand that forgiveness is possible and they therefore cannot begin to admit they have ever been wrong or at fault for anything. It is an unimaginable prison they construct and has nothing to do with rationality or reason, it is just maintained at all costs to them and the other people who can even be in their world at all.

ACOMNM .. I think you should let your mother read what you wrote on here. Sometimes when people read the written word it has a bigger affect on them than hearing the words. It doesn't sound like you would have anything to lose. The only positive thing about reading your story is that it puts things into perspective for me and my live-in-caregiver duties for my mum. It appears at least right now.. I have it very lucky. God Bless ya !!

My mother is a miserable, controlling, vicious, hostile, narcissist who is flailing like a rabid dog now that her enabling husband has died and her near-slave middle son has died as well. I have no shame or guilt in saying that I wish her dead as soon as possible.

She is NEVER anything but vicious, saying unspeakable things about her sister, blaming my brother's wife (not his decades of heavy smoking) for his death, and blaming me for every misery she and my father had for the last decade before his death from cancer. Even the cancer is my fault. Everyone who refuses to support her fictitious reality is a liar and "mentally sick."

She accuses absolutely everyone who comes near her house of stealing from her--when in fact, the truth almost always turns out to be that she hid things and forgot. She claims not to remember any of her misdeeds or cruelties, and concocts preposterous allegations out of thin air against the very few people who bother with her anymore. She gaslights anyone who dares to mention the horrid things she has done--it simply never happened and is a hurtful lie told to be cruel to her.

She has no friends. She allowed no friendships while my father was alive because she was convinced that every female was "after" her husband--even her sons' wives and nurses at the hospital. She has despised every partner her children have had. She wants visits from her children (and grandchildren) only, but spouses are not "allowed" in her house. She screams at her 80 y.o. sister and threatens physical violence. She abused my father while he was ill and kept him a virtual prisoner. She verbally, emotionally and physically abused me as a child, until one day, at about 15, I had enough and smacked her face and her glasses went flying and smashed and then I picked up a dining chair and smashed it on the floor. I wanted to smash it over her head. She never hit me again.

She never has anything positive to say, nothing is ever enough, and she loves to threaten to "cut off" people she is supposed to unconditionally love. Any attempt to call her on her behavior results in instant boo-hoo, poor me, blubbering--she's always the victim.

I have to keep my child away from her to keep him safe. I cannot leave her alone with my child. I caught her interrogating my child when he was a toddler, trying to get my child to say his father hurt him. Nothing could be further from the truth. She actually wanted me to *give* my child to her to raise (and she was in her late 70's and my father was practically bedridden with terminal cancer)--and this is a woman who did not bother to see me while pregnant, nor be present at her grandchild's birth. She tried to convince me how much better my life would be without the nuisance of a child (that my spouse and I planned!).

Sorry to ramble, but my mother is a waste of oxygen, brings nothing but pain and heartache to everyone, and I will rejoice and be deeply grateful if I outlive her. She has never done anything but damage to anyone in her life.

For so many, her death will be the end the pain she inflicts, and we can finally start to heal.

Yes, I believe in God & I believe he knows are pains & suffering BUT I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. It sounds as though you are the only one that your mom can take her frustrations out on. It's a hard thing, being a caretaker. My mother is the same way w/my brother & sister. My brother lives at home & is helping take care of my parents but he does work. My sister works from home & is able to take them to the dr's or grocery shopping or whatever. Because they are around so much, they get the short end of the stick. My mother has dementia & can get very mean & hateful (which she never was before)
I hope things get better for you. Good luck & God bless

My mom is sometimes like that. I will walk into the room to help her and she will tell me to shut up and leave her alone. I finally had it out with her a few days ago and explained why i was upset. She has backed off for the last 2 days and -- according to her-- does not remember anything about it. At least right now she is asleep and not yelling at me. To be honest -- who else does your mother have to yell at? As you say-- noone else wants anything to do with her. As long as i am physically able to handle it my mom will stay home because I guit my job to take care of her and I really do not have anywhere else to live. I dont get paid to take care of her but since i retired early (56) I can't afford to live and at this time I dont know if anyone would hire me. I get people saying that I am mooching off of her but really I am not. she cannot be left alone and i am cheaper then anyone else (free) who would care for her.

Hi, 5 years is a long time I have been caretaking 4 years. May I encourage you to put her in a home. If her assets are depleted perhaps medicaid will pay. If guilt is the only reason you are caring for her you need to deal with that and move forward to do what is best for yourself as well. Being in a constant oppressive atmosphere can get anyone down. If you are not getting paid for caretaking then you need to make the tough decision. I encourage you to be strong. And yes I understand completely. I hope for you the best. looney