Is there anyone out there besides me who wishes their mother would die?

fost40 Everytime I heard someone elderly parent has died, I totally envy them. I used to wish my mom would die so I can have my life back (she has dementia and need constant care), now I'm afraid I wish she'd die so I can have a choice between continue to live or simply end it all. Hopefully when she really dies, I'll choose the former

No, you are not alone or even crazy for wishing your mother were dead. AND not a bad person - I thought I was horrible when that thought crossed my mind...

I went to my preacher with the same question.

No, you are not a terrible person. You don't really want her to die - you want her to no longer be suffering.

If she weren't sick or needing all of this, you would not be wishing she was dead...

and that's it - at least for me.

Where are your friends? This is when we need friends. You do not need them to come to her funeral, or to bring a bag of fried chicken for the repast--you need them now. Try to reevaluate your friendships. When they ask what can they do--tell them to come sit with her for 2 hours while you get out the house.

Believe me I know what your feeling........my 81 mother lives in my home with me at 63....she is an alcoholic 2 gallons of vodka a week and oxicodine 90 pills a month.......and she is in a wheel chair on her own accord when therapist was coming she would use her walker now he does not come she can't do anything and i mean anything., I cook clean laundry bathe do her hair nails you name it i do it.......and its hard on me. I go to bed at night with such back aches praying that she would die or have a stroke to go to a rehab....for the rest of her life.....her bed room is near mine and she has tv so loud at night hard for me to sleep. If she is running out of her oxicodine near end of month its my fault because doctor cut amount from 120 to 90....but her finances she tells everyone she is her own guardian...but she is running up my bills to the point I can't afford it. I have 5 brothers and sisters and none of them will help. I can';t take it anymore....I even have thought of fixing her meds so she will dies...or add some kind of chemical to her vodka to kill her........I am going insane !!!!! She lives on negativity, this is not just age that has done this she has been like this her whole life.......GOD help me for how I feel.

Ladye - you are mad enough to do her in - don't do it of course - but why does she still have her hands in your piggy bank? Uh-uh. She quits spending your money that you don't have or you have her evaluated for a guardianship. Change your account numbers and get her name off if you have to.

Lady, it sounds like time to move your mother somewhere else. From what you wrote, you've had it up to here with her. See if you can get a social worker in to help you find a better place for your mother. You've given it all you can and it just isn't working. She sounds like a very unpleasant person to be around.

I see I originally posted here in August, 2013. My mother had been a mean, evil and generally nasty woman her whole life and with increasing dementia (which she'd had for years) things got even worse., screaming phone calls every day, demanding and berating at every visit and trying to get my home address ... that wasn't happening or she'd have sent the cops around.

One day there was a ministry inspector at the NH. They attend yearly and pick 3 people to ask if they have any concerns, meaning about the home or their care. Mommie Dearest said yes, I don't know where the money went from the sale of my house ... she was kept up to speed throughout the whole process. That brought the government down on my head like I was a common criminal. Of course I presented paperwork showing where the money was invested and that was the end of that

Due to all the stress I blacked out doing 85 in my truck. It only lasted a few seconds but it was a wake up call. It was many weeks before I felt confident enough to drive anywhere but the tiny nearby village. I changed my phone number and made it unlisted so she couldn't get at me any more though I continued to run her errands, filled with dread for a couple of days before and drained for a couple of days after. I have carpal tunnel and went to the doc to see about getting my hands fixed but my blood pressure was dangerously high ... go figure! I was supposed to go back for a recheck and, if it was still, high, get some meds (which I hate the thought of).

She passed on September 12, 2015. I was so happy she'd gone and a lifetime of nightmare was finally over. The palpitations and thundering stomach 24/7 quickly went away. I'm getting my life back together and I've decided to take a few months to recover. I live in the country with 2 dogs and 4 cats and will spend the next while organizing my tiny home and planning veggie gardens for spring.

I'm an only child and friends are mostly far away. I get invitations but Christmas will be just me and my beloved critters, peace and quiet, wood stove going, a nice meal and watching old movies. This Christmas is ours, free of the terror once and for all.

I can relate to all of you. I often wish my mother would die.
At one time she was quite ill and I moved to Oregon to help out. She has some moibility problems but is quite healthy otherwise.
My mother has npd/bpd and thinks and treats me as her slave all the while ruining my reputation, lies constantly to me, about me. Shes never at fault for anything and finds a way to scapegoat me. She trianglates stories, tells anyone who will listen, that Im jealous, stealing, planning to steal. Anytime i set boundries, im mean, nit pics, nothing is good enough, puts on that I have chip on shoulder, controlling. Pits her childern against each other. When confronted, always makes herself victim. Has accused me of making passes at my stepdad. Ive told her there isnt any reason why she cant do anything for herself, im not waiting on her. She tells others she is helpless, invalid. She has and will sabatoge anything I am planning to do or want to. I tell her nothing anymore. Shes relentless. She insists on drving and has had accidents, runs red lights and insists its someone elses fault. She is impossible. She refuses to bath and hasnt for over a year. Claims intense fear to be alone, i think she is faking it. Told me that Im not intilted to any personal life. I can go on and on. Tries to use fear to manipulate and control.
Im angry all most of time. She has told me my needs and wants are insignifcant.
I am financially stuck here, till i find another job.
Right after u moved here i relized shes an npd.
When I do leave, i will have go no contact.
I cant stand her, i will help out for my stepdad, but i dont owe anyone my life because of her sense of entiltement. Obviously, she doesnt care nor has she ever nor will she. Its all been a lie and its only about her.

It is like a deep well of sadness that THIS is who I have become; a frazzled, overwhelmed daughter with two jobs, two kids, and a mother who although immobile on one side with increasing demetnia seems like she will outlive me at this rate. May we all feel comfort in knowing we are not alone in this.

The suffering... I hate the suffering. My dad knew he was sick and dying and within 3 weeks it was over, very quietly and only with about 36 hours of limbo before passing. My mom-6 years into suffering. At first the amount of suffering it was causing me and my family- I'm still raising my own kids, my parents were much older than me- was the unbearable part. Being in prison, shackled, being robbed of the life I thought was meant for me and wished for me by the very woman now taking it from me. And yes, I pray every day now that God would just take her to where the suffering ends- but now it's because I cannot stand to watch HER suffer. The first 5 years, she wasn't really dying or sick- just selfishly demanding of me. Now- she really is sick- and wishes she could come back to my house and have what she then complained was a horrible life as she now realizes it was the best, most worry free years of her life. She is trapped in dementia hell- but the kind that she is aware of- yet haunted with hallucinations, loss of motor skills and kidneys failing- a whole host of things. She is just well enough to call me all day everyday to bring unreasonable things and I do all her laundry which now consists of wanting fresh bedding to match her mood every other day... my husband and I barely get to change our own bedding any more for all the laundry (and oh yeah, we work). I assure you these feelings are normal but it's like anything- kept inside I will control you, so for me- finding this forum has possibly saved my life quite literally as there are days I do not think I can bare another day- and here there are people who understand and aren't judging you for your human feelings. I made promises I couldn't keep when I was as young as 5 when she told me it was my job since I was the youngest to care for her. I am freeing my own kids already from that burden by putting things into place, so if nothing else, the lesson I have learned will impact my kids positively and break this cycle of guilt and resentment that I am held under like an iron fist. At the end of the day- I just want her to feel peace. She hasn't had that in a long time and she can't stand to not force me to live in her state of unrest no matter how big or small. She was an active, full of life woman until about 6 years or so ago... I know her younger self would not want this for her quality of life so I just hope she settles whatever matters are still wrestling in her soul so she can pass peacefully, not afraid, in pain and paranoid... and I hope that I don't keep losing my own health with her as I truly believe there was a time that isn't what she wanted for me. God's will. That's all we have.

I'm in your same situation. I attribute treating us, the caretakers, badly and the ones who ignore her as her dream children is a form of mental illness. Personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder (there's plenty on that with mothers!). You might want to read a bit on that, except be forewarned they often recommend - rightly so, I think - that you break all contact with the person.