My husband and I have been care givers of a non family lady who has known my husband for many many years. So she trusts him. We decided to move in with her to better assit her. We felt it was a perfect idea, my husbands family lives on the same block, his job is 5 mins away compared to the 40 min -1 hr drive. And I would not have to work. But after a hip injury she has became very rude. The first months she was very ill so I had to stay in an entire month to care for her. And eventually I would go to quick grocery shopping trips until we started going out for a quick evening date. We are have barely been married for 1 1/2 yrs. As a new couple we have dreams and hopes of having our own place, decorating as we like traveling and enjoy each other and eventually starting a family. But we felt this lady really needed help and we just wanted to help.
Now she is doing great. She can walk without a walker and do her normal routine, but she should not climb up ladders, go up or down stairs with her home. But she is very stubborn and wants to do everything. She also forgets a lot of things. And gets upset when I make a littlw mess while cooking.
For a while she insists we dont help pay the bills, we waste a lot of gas and electricity! When the weather has been very cold and that made the bill quite high! She is also a neat freak! I clean very good but she is always inspecting with a flash light and considers a few extra cans of food in the cabinet as a big terrible mess.
We live in the back side of the house, same floor but divided by a sliding plastic door. We have been puttig a baby gate because we have cats and I wanted to keep them on my side but she made me take it out with the excuse that it can cause a fire. Only so that she could come and inspect our side of the house when we are out. And when we come back she complains about how messy our side which is not. I just didnt change a toilet roll and had a few pieces of paper on the carpet. For the last weeks I have been trashing a lot of my stuff to make out side look as clean and empty as possible but all sort of furniture is necessary. So I really cant cook because the stove is on her side. We cant make a lot pf noise or have much privacy. We cant go out every day and if we do we always rush back, because she complains we go out too much and who is going to take care for her. She doesnt charge us rent but in return we would assist her almost 24/7 since we live there but she thinks we are like servants and she i doing us a favor we dont pay rent. She does not realize the money it costs to have someone care for you 24/7.
I quit my job for her and lost 2 very great job opportunities not just anyone gets. I hardly get to see my mom because making time to visit her is incovenient. I stay at homw moslty all day almost all week, I cant really go out and do my own thing without her complaining so I just stay home. We can't really decorate our side to out like even if we dont mess with the walls or any drastic changes all I can do is move around a few pieces of furniture. And a few days ago she got very upset I changed the curtains in the bedroom we sleep in. I explained we needed thinner bright curtains to let light in becuase we are heavy sleepers and I wont get up if the room appears dark. so I had to change them back. she also rearranges things on our side when we ate gone. now I come home wondering what did ahe change again. i mean its our side, i do respect this is her home and that we are borrowing the room but to not be able to change a few curtains its a little to extreme. we alsp had to buy our own fridge because she says we have too much food on her fridge. It has become very unconfortable living there, I cant cook cant do much inside nor outside. We came here ro help with very willing hearts but she keeps rubbing it in our faces that we are freeloaders who she is doing a favor too. And just this week I found out I am pregnant. So we are decided to move out. But we will still cafe for her visit her every day take her where she wants but jot live with her. Our side is very small if I wanted to make room for the baby we would have to move our small bedroom into the small living room but if I cant even change the curtains in that room how would i be able to decorate for my baby? Its my first and we are all very excited, but her attitude is really killing the excitment. There have been days I cry for her rudness when I have given up so much to be there caring for her. I dont event want a thank you from her I just want her to stop being rude.
We still havent told her im expecting but when we do we would bring out the moving out part. We are still not sure if we should move out but I can no longer stand being there since Im there all day everyday taking in the bad comments and such.
Any advise anyone???