Caregiver not capable of caring for father, not giving me updates, asked months ago to place in care facility! Help?!?

What did the 3 page letter say?

My dad had a wife that wasn't overly particular about his health and wellbeing, so I would call the local sheriff and ask for a wellness check.

This actually worked really well, because she knew that I was not just going to look the other way and let her do whatever she wanted and it put them on the radar with law enforcement, so if anything happened there was already a record of issues. She got out of the way of me checking on him.

So I highly recommend involving law enforcement and tell them that you can not get through to your dad and you are very worried that he is not being cared for.

One thing, he picked her and she is doing the hands on, boots on the ground caregiving, which is brutal, especially if she is not well herself. So remember to appreciate what she is doing for him, it is a big job.

My dads wife didn't even cook for him. She was always out spending the money and she didn't care if he had food as long as she had everything she wanted. I would have felt very differently about her if she was actually takin care of her husband.

You wil, need to wait until this virus thing dies down, unless APS is considered essential. Call APS as soon as you can. Ask for a well check because lady friend will not allow u to talk to him. They will go in and investigate.

If its found that Dad needs more help than she can give, then do whatever you can to get him help. But, I wouldn't take responsibility for her. And I would make that clear. The state can take over her care if she is found incompetent too.

Trgal570, your profile says you live distantly from them and she has been her "girlfriend" for 20-ish years. I think this would be considered a common-law marriage in most states. If I were in your position being treated the way you are I would spend the time and money and go there to check things out in person. Don't tell her you're coming. But don't expect to be allowed to be a guest. If what you find there is any sort of neglect (your father, or both, are in poor condition physically and/or mentally, and you are not their PoA, you may need to contact APS for their county. If you think she is controlling him either maliciously or not, you may need to consider pursuing guardianship so you can make care decisions on their behalf. But is you don't live locally to them, be careful what you wish for. You have already found out how challenging long-distance caregiving can be. There is no perfect solution in your situation, but you can decide what you are willing to do long-term to make improvements. Good luck!