Why do I feel alone in caregiving?

msTish,

My husband, also my soul mate, is my best friend but over the last few years sometimes I've thought "he just doesn't care

I am just visiting here but can certainly empathize with feeling alone and also the frustration of not being able to change the person who I give care to for depression. In many ways it is a thankless job, but it allows me to give in a way that the self-centered person I was 20 years ago, could only rarely do.
The most important thing for me is that I have a life of my own. I take time in the morning and evening to pray or meditate or walk in nature. There I feel a different aloneness like being a kid in a homemade tent or playing make believe, I experience life in a new way.
There are so many ways to nurture ourselves. What do you do Ms Tish that gives you the most joy? If no thought comes to mind, what do you imagine you would like to do or experience in your lifetime?
Allene

i can't shake this feeling of being alone. Funny that my mom-in-law is right up my butt all day but it just isn't the same. My husband never listens when i tell him i am burn't out .I have been caring for hiss mother since may by myself. Sometimes he will put her to bed, and up in the am, but thats only if he doesn't have a friend that needs him. I always think what am i .. am i not worthy of your time. The thought of spending one more day in this house by myself while he's out running with friends is going to kill me. I am a high anxiety person and being so idel inside is making me crazy. For a year I have been taking 5 mg aof valium a day, but lately i seem to have increased my dose to about 15 mgs aday. This is no way to cope, My children are grown and from the time they left mmy husband and i had a great empty nest life, we did everything ttogether. Then i started taking care of his mother and he has just disappeared from our marriage. I feel like room mates, not lovers. I don't want my life to be this way and no one is listening. What happens to her if I just pack up and leave. Is it worth it to end the marriage to the man i know is my. or once was my soul mate. Why would he pull away like this when i am doing everything to keep his mother in her home,

Fanci I feel for you. I didn't know he had brain surgery and now is like that. Heck, I had a husband who was like that without brain surgery. You may be mildly depressed. My counselor told me to increase my anti depressant or go see dr to do that when I asked her what do you take for emotional pain. You might miss male company.

Cindi

Thank you. My husband says he will help, or try to talk but then goes right back to being the way he is. He is this way: he just sits in front of the tv and when I talk to him he says nothing but shrugs his shoulders or shakes/nods his head. He has had brain surgery and ever since then he is this way. I know that there may be nothing I can do except be a caregiving wife. It gets lonely, depressing, and then there are times I go through life doing my work and chores at home and life is ok. I go through down times and the up times are ok. I have sought caregiving counseling and am waiting for it. Thanks, I did not realize that I sounded like a parent. But, I know I feel like one! I really don't feel like I have a husband anymore. That is what I miss ALOT! I will tell my counselor. Thank you so much for answering!

Hi Fancicoffee

I am wondering if you are a caregiver to your husband or parent. I'm thinking you are talking about your husband? Sounds like counseling would be good. Does husband know how alone you feel? Can he or has he done anything to help? I know that even though my husband does try I still feel alone sometimes. That is just the way it is. I do get counseling. Sometimes I have my down days and it is hard. I take antidepressant med but a low dose. Will increase it in future. I have learned that the loniness is a part of me. Sadness, depression runs in my family. Plus I lost my son almost 3 years ago. I wish you luck and the best in finding your way to more hapiness and less lonliness.

Cindi