Why do I feel alone in caregiving?

I am caring for my husband who has a mild cognitive impairment. Unfortunately, he was a mathematician who can no longer do math, read science magazines or even watch a movie or long TV show. It has changed the whole way we used to live. He has trouble following conversations so he often asks me to stop talking to him. He rarely touches me, thinks I am trying to help him walk if I want to hold his hand. I try to be affectionate to him and he accepts it sometimes, especially if I tell him that I'm the one who needs the hug. We are going to a counselor who tries to get him to be more responsive to me, and it might help for a day or two. I've tried to make it a joke - I won't let you go upstairs until you give me a hug - and he usually will.

I have been handling my husbands worsening dementia alone.. I have so much anger, I didn't know where it was coming from. I suddenly realized,late last night, that I was angry because I wanted everything to be the same as it always was. I started crying with relief. I know now I need professional help to get through this continuing process. I shall begin that journey, finding a therapist today. Wish me luck and thanks for a place to vent.

I am a caregiver for my elderly mum who has many physical problems and has also had mental issues with depression. The tablets she has taken over the years have left her emotionless. She doesn't laugh or cry, doesn't have any opinions on anything and does not know how to converse. As a result nobody visits her and I am her life. Unfortunately I am not married and my friends work full time, so are not available during the day. The isolation is the hardest thing of all to deal with and I find listening to the radio such a help. I listen to community channels on my internet radio and actually call in to phone ins sometimes.

I feel for all of you who are isolated and maybe there should be a radio show devoted to carers who are having our sort of problems. Take care everyone.

bhjos and Annie, I know what you're talking about. I work from home. It is so isolated here, because no one visits. I've thought about inviting people over to try to make things better, but my mother likes to sit in her old ragged pajamas all day long. She looks a mess. She doesn't want company, but then is upset because no one comes to see her. I know the company she wants to see are her sons and family. They are the big blank spot in her life. I'm here all the time, but she doesn't seem to like me much. It makes me miserable to spend too much time with her. She watches The Waltons much of the day. I think they are like family to her. She probably wishes that she had family like that.

One problem I have is that I have so much to do here, working and taking care of the things around the house. At the same time I have the need to get out and be with people. Often my own work goes ignored because I need to get out. I think of how much better it would be if I had my own family about to keep me company so I wouldn't have to go out looking for someone to talk to. I don't need a lot of people about, but living alone in this house of despair is more than I can bear every day.

People talk about how rewarding elder care is. I mainly see it as lonely and depressing. I wish things were different, but it is what it is. I just try to stay happy, no matter what I'm doing. Sometimes that works. Other times I just get angry that it has come down to this.

Every day I get more disgusted with how many caregivers ( and the person they care for) just get out right abandoned by family. I have 4 siblings and to be so ALONE in the care for my mother is the WORST thing that has ever happened in my life, even worse than death. I have grieved the loss of my family as it used to be and will probably never talk to some again in my life. Why would I. If you abandon me in my worst moment why in gods name would I want you around for anything else ??

Golflady, yes, those siblings are either sitting around thinking/not thinking or maybe just subconsciously assuming, "whew, now I do not have to face the sad decline of my loved one, because she (you) has got it all under control - or they truly do not care.

This IS the hardest thing most of us will ever face.

You can't make someone care if they really don't, but sometimes you can make them grasp the consequence of their failure to help and failure to deal with reality. I wish they could feel the impact of your raw emotion that you have so cogently expressed...

I'd print off this thread and mail it to them, probably anonymously, as who cares if they know which one is you or not.

And I'm so sorry you are one of the many who get dumped on. There ARE families who pull together, maybe not without conflict but together; its just that not as many of those folks need to vent on here as badly as those of us who are only children or might as well be.