I am afraid of losing my job having to take care of my elderly father. What can I do to make keep my job and balance caregiving?

I work full time for these past 19 years. I've been helping my dad caregiving my mom for 23 years. Last year, dad had a stroke. Now, I'm the only one at home caring for my 2 bedridden parents. From the beginning, my job has been my sanity. It's not as stressful as home life. So, when dad had his stroke last year, I announced to my 7 siblings that I will NOT give up my job.

I don't discuss to my bosses my home life situation - only on a need-to-know basis. I learned this the hard way. Long time ago, I used to update them in a friendly way. Then, when lecture time came, boss went on and on about my home life interfering with my job. He gave me options and I had to make a decision. So, I learned to SEPARATE my home life with my job. I now only update them on any major changes...like when dad has a stroke and is now bedridden.

Like several posters said above. When you go to work, you must concentrate completely with your job. Learn to put aside the home life. Maybe you can call home during breaks.

I work in a care center and also try to deal with a mom who is not in the same one who is on hospice. In the last week it is very apperent that the end is coming... i am havin promble dealing with wanting to be at work... I am living with death 24 hour a day right now and every time i think about going to work ... I just want to cry and throw up.... ( I DONT BUT I WANT TO) ... IS THERE ANY ONE WHO WORK IN A CARE CENTER AND DEALING WITH A TERMINAL ILL LOVE ONE WHO CAN GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTION?

I agree with the posts above. Communication with your boss is key. Having said that you must understand that especially if you are not a long standing employee there is a piece of them that is wondering why you took the job if you couldn't perform the work (for whatever reason). You did not share where you worker before this recent job and why you left that job. Was the caregiver role an issue?

You have need to understand that no matter your circumstances a body of work must be completed and completed correctly. When you visit wtih your boss don't just ask for understanding. Present a plan on how you can perform and get the job done correctly. Come with an answer or ideas.

Hi there, I use care.com to find people or an agency (but they are alot of money), for now and then take your time and find who you want. Your Dad should be paying for this, Good luck, I juggled fulltime work and my Mom (with late stage alz) living with me for almost 4 years and just retired.

Hello lesl1234
My last day on the job is saturday. nothing to do with my mom. its the owners argueing and closing. What I am brutily aware of now more then ever is how much my time at work helps me with the stress at home. I have a knot in my stomach because for 4 1/2 years I was at home taking care of mom and I remember feeling overwhelmed most of the time. I share this for 2 reasos. 1 See your job as a break from your caregiving. Try hard to leave home at home. If you see it as a little vacation you might look forward to your time at work making it easier to seperate the two helping you focus at work. reason 2. as the other folks said. Talk to your boss. I bet they have or had a mother or father and will show compassion, understanding and flexability
Good luck and this site really helps me and can help you..
now keep in mind. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a holliday inn express last night..lol

Don't risk you job from lack of communication. Deep down most bosses have a heart.LOL Explain the situation and now that your father is going to assisted living. When you get to work leave your personal life at the time clock. Proving to your superiors that you can do your job and well!!! If they can see that you can seperate your life from your job, then maybe if you need days off in the future there will be no problem or risk of losing your job.

I know I should say your dad should come first. But if your in fear of losing your job which benefits your life. Than do your job first and find time for dad on your days off or after your shift ends. Don't ever feel your neglecting him. I am sure he would want you to maintain a job and income.

@sosad2- FMLA does not have to be taken in one shot. Have your loved ones dr. fill out the form for intermittent leave.
@lesl1234- speak with your office manager and be honest. Explain that you tried hard to balance the needs of the job and the care of your dad and that it has been rough on all of you. When you first started caring for dad, you had no idea how his condition would affect your life or the actual care that would be needed. Because dad's current care is exceeding your capabilities, he is being moved to an ALF that will be able to provide the care he needs. I'd also check with the HR dept- they may be able to reassign you or reduce your hours. Read your companies orientation manuel for procedures. Most states are fire at will- check to see what benefits you will get if fired (not if you quit). Also, do not think that because dad is in ALF you are going to be less burdened- make sure that they have a dr on staff and aides who can get him to his appointments. Show your boss that you are good to your word- ramp your focus while on the job and get your productivity up to speed. Good luck.

lesl1234, Wow, i thought i wrote this question and forgot that I did, ha ha. I am so in the same boat having been with this company for a year and from day one, there have only been a few weeks where i was actually able to focus on my job. This opportunity to work was a great one, only to be challenged daily with a juggling act. The only advice I have for now is when you are at work -- stay focused and serious, cause believe me, every day is unpredictable with needs, dr. appointments, and the unexpected needs of caregiving. i thought of taking FMLA, however, there's not a specific illness, --- just general caregiving that can go on and on, who knows .

Lesl1234, I am going through pretty much the same thing right now. I am going to apply for FMLA as I have been with my company 15 years. I am also working things out with my boss whom is very understanding. Hopefully I might be able to work from home when necessary. My advice would be to sit down with your boss and the HR department and be honest as to what you have been handling and let them know that you have taken the first steps to rectify the situation with your dad moving into AL.

I can't imaging if I had a regular job and also had to care for my mom. You are moving in the right direction with getting him in assisted living. As far as your job, hopefully your boss will give you a chance to improve. Take care of your self with a good diet and lots of rest when you are not at work. Set a time limit on your visits with your dad and give yourself a lot of down time to heal your nerves and body from the damage of stress. Let the people at assisted living take care of him for now and try to remove yourself from the daily worries that go along with care giving....you CANNOT do everything! YOU have to put yourself first right now.