Hi, I'm new to this forum, and to caregiving. My mother was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer in 2009 and after multiple runs with chemo and an overall decline there is no more treatment she can do. It has attacked everything in her abdomen and we are now doing palliative care at home (we live in a duplex, she lives above me). I'm a single mother with two young boys (1 and 3) and I am so busy with them that I worry I am doing enough for my mom.
I'm upstairs with her in the morning before I take them to school and them once I get home from that I feel like I'm just sitting around up here doing nothing. We talk sometimes, but mostly she just lies in bed and sleeps. Although I'm an only child, we don't have a super close relationship. We've never been very touchy-feely, emotional, etc. I make her meals (when she wants to eat) and give her her meds. I sit with her and we talk about business type stuff (what bills need to get paid, really just small talk). There have been a couple of times when we sat and talked, and cried together. But it's so uncomfortable for both of us.
I'm not working because I've been a stay at home mom, but am now going through a divorce. So I really need to get back to work, but there's no way I can leave her all day like this. I just really don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know if she's close to passing, or if it could be months. She's really strong and very controlling so I can tell the crossing over period is going to take some work. I expect it will be hard for her to "let go". I know all the signs to look for. I guess I really not ready for it to happen, but at the same time I feel like I'm just sitting with her every day waiting for it to happen.