Will I get kicked out of mom's home when she dies? I've lived with her 11 years but it's not in my name.

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I have been living with and caring for my now 84 year old Mom. I have been living with her for 11 years as she did not want to be alone. I stopped working due to her being so scared to be alone several years ago She had been developing dementia for several years and it is getting worse, She has always said I will have her home when she dies. As her dementia is getting worse I do not feel this is true and today she said to me "you think you are staying here when I die...is that what you have been telling people?" I nearly fell over with shock. I could have been working for years now and stopped about five years ago. My savings are nearly gone and now I am on disability but I fear I am not going to have a home when she passes. I am scared to death. I can not afford to pay rent. This place is paid for and taxes etc are well less than an apartment would be for me. What can I do?

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deedee22, maybe there is enough in other assets that you could have the house and your brother could have his half in other assets? Maybe that is what your mom was thinking about before. My MIL sometimes makes accusations that are dementia based. Early in her dementia - when we had no idea- while we were visiting her home she said vehemently to me "you can't have my rings when I die!"... I had never, ever, even thought for a second, about her rings. When I called my SIL to tell her, the latest IL hating stunt, she was surprised also - as this was different from her usual mean tactics. She normally just talked bad about us behind our backs.
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My situation was very similar to yours in that I rented a home so that I could care for my father. I never would have been able to afford it otherwise and from day 1 I knew that I would eventually have to leave that house. When dad needed more care I cut my hours back and eventually because just a volunteer because volunteers can call in sick no problem but an employee, not so much. I needed to care for my father so financially I hitched my train to his. I paid all the bills and my dad paid the rent. It worked out. For a while. Then dad went into hospital which became rehab which became nursing home and I couldn't afford that house and needed out, ASAP. My landlord took pity on me and let me out of my lease but I still had to find a place to live that I could afford and get a job. I accomplished all of this in about 3 weeks and the stress nearly killed me. I'm on disability because I have lupus but I can't not work. I have to be productive, I can't sit around the house all day and even if I wanted to, I can't afford it. It was a very scary time, lots of uncertainties and upheaval for everyone. But knowing that I would lose that house eventually kept me up nights. It all depended upon my dad's health and that was not a good bet to make. But we did ok. Found a place we loved, that I could afford (once I got a job) and it seems to be working out.

Have a plan in case that house doesn't fall into your lap. Have a plan because right now your fate is in the hands of someone else. Figure things out for yourself. While I have lupus and associated illnesses I can still work while on disability. Anyone can. And it feels good to stand on my own and be self-supporting. I cared for my dad for years in my home. I earned a life of my own, a life that I pay for. I used to worry "What am I going to do?" But when it came right down to it I figured it out and so will you.
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She has a trust for her estate. It has my brother's and myself listed. This I did not know until this past week. All along for years she has told me I get the home. Yet it is not in writing. She said brother knew this but he and I are not that close and I am very scared. I am doing the nasty stuff, cleaning poop etc and he does nothing. I also am the one that is being abused by Mom as I am with her daily. I feel like I am loosing it many days as Mom can be a handful. It is messing me up so bad and I wonder.........what for? He may walk in and just take over as he is the exicator or the estate too.
He does nothing to help, other than a social visit out to dinner with his wife and they take Mom along. She does not plan reverse mortgage. There are other assets in way of stocks and savings.
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Has she left it in her will to someone else? Or does she plan a reverse mortgage? I ask because I wonder if she was just being mean.
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