How do I keep from hating my siblings?

Yes, siblings aren't what they are cracked up to be. My siblings were elated when I told them I was moving in with mom because that got her off their backs. They didn't have to worry about calls regarding her blood sugar dropped, she fell and hurt herself, etc. I call myself moving in to make their lives easier.

This sounds like a page out of my book on my life. My brother has helped as minimally as possible in the past year since our Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. ThoughI have asked for help over and over again, and for him to call our Mom twice a week, and have dinner with Mom once a month, he refused. I told him I can't handle all the stress by myself. I am Bipolar (and he always uses that against me, to insult and demean me). The response I got from him re dinner 1x/month was "I get along better with Mom the less I see her" and "you can't function in the real world." To me, that meant F*ck You! So I just walked away. I didn't want an argument. He is a "right fighter", verbally abusive, and his temper scares me.

Recently, (bc I suspected he's been stealing money from my Mom), i looked at his email. He has been selling items on Craigslist for her. But I have her POA, and I am supposed to be involved in any financial matters. But he has no respect for me, so he ignores whatever I tell him.

I truly believe he tells her he sold an item for a lower price, and pockets the rest (because he doesn't seem to have a job, sleeps all day, and locks himself in the room he was (temporarily) staying in. Anyway, when he found out, he exploded, and pushed me. I fell really hard, hitting my head on a tile floor, sustaining a concussion, and injuries to my neck/back. I'm still having problems problems with dizziness. When I finally could drive again, I filed a Temporary Restraining Order against him. To get back at me, he has called Adult Protective Services SEVERAL TIMES alleging I am emotionally and financially abusing Our Mother. So even though he made these claims AFTER the assault, and it's obvious he's retaliating, APS keeps contacting me for more information. I am going to hire an attorney ASAP to fight his bogus claims. What is truly ironic is that our Mom filed an Elder Abuse Temporary Restraining Order against him last year because he was always screaming at her, calling her (and on occasion me) names and refused to move out. I hope the Judge can see through his bullshit. We go to trial re the Temporary Restraining Order on the 24th. I'm going to bring all the charges that were incurred at the hospital and ambulance (they come to about $11K). I'm still in shock over his claims. I never knew he could sink so low. So sad.

"No one else will take care of her" ? Actually, raisin2012, that is what they do in group homes, nursing homes, and assisted living places. There are lots of ways an elder can be taken care of. Family can continue to participate in the care to the extent that they can and want to, no matter where the elder lives.

You made a decision. You would rather take care of your mother yourself, than have professionals do it. And you went about arranging that, because it was what you wanted (even though it apparently wasn't exactly what your husband wanted.)

Your "idiot siblings" also made decisions. None of them wanted to personally take care of Mother. All of them apparently thought she could be well taken care of in a care center. I have no idea whether they made these decisions sincerely with Mother's best interest in mind, or out of selfishness, or because they don't particularly care about your mother's welfare. But they did what you did -- they made decisions about what they were willing to contribute to Mother's care.

You want them to support you in your decision. You want help from them. You want at least their good wishes. I don't blame you a bit. But you have no authority over their lives. You made the decision that this was how mother had to be cared for. They did not.

What if one of them had taken over the decision-making, and said, "I picked out a care center for Mother. It is awesome and she loved it when we visited. It is too expensive for her income so we will each have to contribute $565 per month. It is due on the second of each month." Would you be outraged? Would you meekly turn over the money even though you didn't agree with the decision and were not consulted?

If your sibling didn't agree with the decision of you moving into Mother's house and did not promise to help you implement the decision to care for her at home, it seems a little extreme to me that you would hate them over it. Yes, it would be nice if they did help, and it would certainly be nice if they respected your decision and didn't insult you. That you are calling them stupid and idiots makes me wonder if the insults are going both ways.

How do you keep your hating your siblings? Respect their right to make their own decisions. And, by the way, if you "so regret" the decision you made (and are trying to impose on them), you can make new decisions.

My husband and I have some of the same expenses we had when we moved in with her (including storage of our furniture). She only expense we don't have is rent/mortgage. My husband didn't think this would be a good idea moving in because I was breaking my neck getting out the door with all day visits. I got tired of her looking like a bone, threats of putting her in a nursing home from my idiots siblings. That's the only reason I gave up my happiness for her welfare. I do so regret it but no one else will take care of her.

Both the guys gave you great advice- I can only commiserate. My hisband's brother sent his mother flowers for her birthday. The flowers arrived with a small box of chocolates (8) for me - the inlaw who is carrying this load day in and day out - Am I supposed to be excited?

i think eddie said what i was thinking. i would only add that family illness stresses entire families and misconceptions and misunderstandings run rampant. when a little time passes i think you will all realize the reasons for the blow-ups and likely reconcile with a bit of aquired wisdom and maturity. my sister and i have had some on the spot disagreements too but after a few months weve found out we have much in common and might even be a little closer. weve certainly learned a few things

He probably means that you've got it made b/c you're living in Mom's house and apparently don't have any personal expenses. Put simply, he thinks you're mooching and shouldn't be complaining about anything. Caring for Mom is, then, your job. So why should he help?

Without calling him names he wasn't born with, have a heart-to-heart with the guy and explain why help with caregiving is needed. You probably resent him for pushing your buttons, but I don't think you're capable of hating anyone; no matter how hard you try.