Follow
Share
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
It will never work.
Most siblings do not have compassion or they would already be there.
Powers that may be, old issues that we think are dead or at least not breathing are usually brought up at this time.
Take a deep breath and if you need help, either you will have to be rich or public aide ready, but they could go to a daycare or assisted living close to your home.
Let the social worker at the hospital help you make decisions, they have access to all the programs or placements, if you decide you need help ask the social worker what might be helpful for both of you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In my experience it doesn't help for three years I was my mothers sole care giver. I have 5 brothers and sisters and very seldom did they help or even offer to give me a break and they all went on to live their lives, I cried, begged, and pleaded for a day where I could sit and just breathe but nothing, you can't tell a grown person what to do, they've completely made up their mind before you even ask. I've met some really great people up here and they told me somethingive known for years and its the same thing im going to tell you....take care of you first...because sometimes its just you that cares and after of being the only one while everyone else sits by criticizes and watches youre slowly but surely loosing your mind
..people usually do exactly what you let them do..if you dont demand better you'll never get better....:) everything will be ok..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

An intervention, by its very nature, is confrontational. If you want to enlist their help, try appealing to their sense of compassion; or pour on the guilt, but do it persuasively. Bottom line is that there isn't enough of you to go around and need their help. Last thing you want to do is alienate them.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Raisin, ask them each once a year if and what they can do to help for the coif year. Maybe brother at a distance can contribute financially for you to go on a vacation and pay for a caregiving service to come in round the clock. It should only cost him $10K. That's right. Local brother should be available for sleepover every weekend from Friday afternoon until Sunday night After dinner. Rich sister--well, what are they ever good for but whining about broken nails and needing another facelift? She could pay for you to have a day of beauty once a month.
Bottom line, not including slightly dense local brother: you can't depend on them. They are selfish, thoughtless, shallow, and lacking compassion and loyalty.
I dare you to print this and send them each a copy. Hey, blame it on me. Lol xo
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Yes everytime I talk to my sister and update her on my mom's health she just starts lecturing me on all the things "I" should do. She is married and has a child so basically her mother doesn't exist in her eyes. I have always been here to care for her and so she assumes I can do it, but then also questions why Im not married. Well that is another discussion for later trying to date, care for my mom and work fulltime LOL She has never had a close relationship with my mom and uses that as another excuse. I tried a couple times to take my mom up to her place just for 2 or 3 days and it took me days to calm my mom down...I am able to have my brother come to our house to watch my mom but he gets bored and needs step by step instruction but at least he tries. Hoping your family meeting goes better than mine. Before my father died he gave up on the others helping because he told me knew the one that would always be there to help was me because they were too selfish...guess he knew his children well.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She is in the hospital. Now, is an excellent time to get her to an AL facility. They can take care of her and she can be around other people. It is easier to do, once they are hospitalized, because her doctor might help you.
I would tell him, "I am not a full time nurse. She needs better care."
Detach, with love. (I am not saying it is easy.)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with everyone here. It has been so difficult getting my brothers and sister to help out. I live the farthest and work the longest hours, yet I too take the most and best care of my mother. There are days it gets me angry and very depressed, but I have to keep telling myself I'm lucky to be able to have the patience and brains to do this for my mother. She took very good care of me when I was young, so I guess it's my turn. I'm not belittling your feelings at all, because believe me, I feel the same quite often! Getting resources to help out is a life and mind saver, so that's the first place to start. This website is another valuable resource!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I was talking to my sister yesterday about my Mom, and I let her know that I physically and emotionally can NOT do this any longer. I told her Mom is in the hospital (again) because she refuses to follow orders & now has a huge blood clot in her leg because she won't get up and walk like she's supposed to - hell she won't even stand for a couple of minutes an hour like they expect her to (yet she tells them she does). My sister said "Well maybe she's depressed - maybe you should take her to a therapist". EXCUSE ME????? maybe YOU should get off your a&& and start HELPING ME with YOUR MOTHER!!!! Oh my gosh I was SOOO UPSET with her for saying that!! But that's the way it is - I do all the work, & they just take that help for granted. I honestly don't know why I even bothered telling them she's in the hospital again - it's not like they're going to call her.

You know your siblings better than anyone - if you think an "intervention" or a family meeting will work, then more power to you and I truly hope it does. In my experience, all I got accomplished was wasting my breath.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

What do you have in mind for an "intervention"? A family meeting? Dropping your parent off at their house and saying "I'll see you next week"? Telling them you'll be out of town for a week next month and asking how they see that Parent is cared for?

There are over 200 articles (in addition to MANY posts) on this site regarding this topic. I suggest you do a search and read some of them for ideas on how to hold family meetings, how to deal with your own resentment, etc. etc.

From what I've seen on the many, many posts on this subject, getting siblings to help when they decide not to is pretty hopeless. If they are just ignorant, if they haven't ever thought about it, if they would help if they only knew what to do, then, yes educating them and inviting them and meeting with them can produce some results.

But if they have decided that they are not going to help? I just don't think you can reverse that. [Maybe the people who have been successful just don't come to sites like this. But the picture painted here is a very low to non-existent success rate.]

You need help. It doesn't have to come from your siblings. If your intervention does not result in the level of help you need, get help elsewhere. If your parent cannot afford help, look into aid programs such as Medicaid.

The critical thing is that your parent has the level of care needed. It would be nice if it could all come from the children, but that isn't essential. Childless people can get the care they need. Your parent is very lucky to have you to see that they get care. That doesn't mean that you have to provide it all personally, even if your siblings will not help.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I have been taking care of both of my parents for years and my siblings always just pretend that nothing was wrong. My father died 5 years ago and now my mom's condition is worsening...over a y ear ago she was recovering in nursing home from broken hip and couldn't get anyone to do anything. I have two brothers and one sister. My sister lives about 4 hours north but since she got married has forgotten how to drive to her hometown even though she has a new car and plenty gas money. I have a brother that lives locally he tries to help but has to have step by step instructions. The other brother is 700 miles away and know nothing is going to happen there. I have tried to get all of them to help to give me a break but it seems everyone is too busy with their own lives to worry about their mother. My sister is always so busy but doesn't work, can't even call her but maybe once a month if my mom is lucky. I give them updates on facebook but usually end up getting more concerned comments from my friends than I do my family. I don't understand how they can just forget about her but it seems so many people can just forget their loved ones when they get older.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I feel for you and know many that are in the same boat. Actually I think it's better to rise about them and send occasional updates; just don't expect a response. The other day my mother needed a ride to an appt. (I could not take her) and I sent a message to one of my siblings and never got a response. It's almost unbelievable that one could just ignore a request like that, but somehow they do. If they don't care enough to call you to offer help, visit your mother or call very often, they may simply be relieved when your updates stop coming so frequently.. one less thing for them to worry about. It's still amazing to me how some people go through life like that. I could not.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have had many meetings with my family and what I have found is they will make all kinds of promises but not follow through. I am to the point now that, as power of attorney, I will no longer give them regular updates on mom's progress (or lack of).
One less job I will have to do. They can visit her and see for themselves.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.