I am an only child, married and in my thirties with 3 children. I have always led a hectic life, with my 3 children actively involved in sports, activities etc. I work full time and my husband works full time. My mom has suffered from MS for 40 years and progressively gets worse each year. She has difficulty getting in and out of bed etc. and now needs a motorized scooter/wheel chair to get around house. She can barely walk with a walker, very unsteady on her feet and falls all the time. My dad was her primary caretaker but he passed away from cancer last year. My husband and I then moved her into our subdivision, in a duplex that she built, so it could be all handicap accessible and moved her in after my fathers death. My mother has been struggling with depression since my fathers death, (understandably so), refuses to seek counseling or group counseling to deal with grief. All the stress from my dads death has made her MS worse and she has progressively gotten worse over the last year. She falls all the time, My husband and son go over to pick her up when she falls, I can't physically pick her up off ground. I am afraid she will hurt herself severely when she falls, but she refuses caregivers and assisted living. We are constantly fighting, I try to tell her she needs more help then we can give her, I want to hire home help or take her to view assisted living facilities and it winds up in a huge fight. She will not do anything socially when other relatives have tried to take her out to eat or visit etc. It is like she solely depends on me for entertainment. I cannot give up my full time job.. as we need the money. I offered to hire cleaning lady to clean her house and she almost bit off my head. My mother only wants to use myself or my oldest son for help to go around and I don't want to burden my kids with that task. My mom has fallen so much and used her emergency alert system so much, (it is obvious that she either needs live in care or assisted living, but she has refused both for this past year.) that the police have advised my husband and I that they are going to report her to the state elderly services if we do not fix this situation, as they feel she is not safe and needs more help. If this happened then the state would assign a case worker and evaluate and force her into nursing facility. (if they felt it was needed, when clearly it is). We asked for some more time to decide, a I feel a live in would make my mom happier. I cannot find anyone good, with the amount my mom is willing to pay, no one will work as live in. I try to reason and say nursing facility will be far much more ( she does have a nest egg that would get her by for next several years), but she doesn't listen.
She refuses to listen to anything I say, and everything I say, my ideas and suggestions are crazy. She refuses to go to PT therapy, and since she won't go, now gets bed sores from sitting in chair all day, We had to take her to ER for infection of bed sores. and both legs were wrapped up in soft cast like gauze for weeks while they healed.
I also feel like my mom is starting to get dementia as she does not remember anything, often repeating herself, forgetting things, calling people wrong names all the time etc. I am loosing it! This past 2 years, with my fathers death, and then dealing with my mom at the same time, has my own health deteriorating, I suffer from migranes, constantly, now have high blood pressure. I am not overweight, have always taken good care of my self but this stress is taking toll on me. I don't sleep well and now take meds from my DR to help me fall asleep. It has taken a toll on my children, all the stress, as my oldest, a teenager, has become very defiant, getting caught using marijuana, so I am dealing with all these issues too. Husband is very supportive and does all he can, but I just feel so overwhelmed.
Sorry for long post, I just need to vent, and at my age, I really cannot find anyone going thru this, I just feel so alone.