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ok, you guys have helped me before, so here goes. ok, since ive moved back to my 85 yr dads, ive been having the weirdest health problems, skin legions that come and go that 2 derms dont what it is, way too many odd things..im 44, peri menapause has crossed my mind, everything has crossed my mind.now ive always been very in tune with my mind body and surroundings,i see whos really behind the eyes, if that makes sense..ok.. now its been a lot of deja vu as well, i remember my mom for many years complain of the most bizarre things, we all thought she was nuts, she died last year dementia. im wondering if her dementia wasnt 'helped along', ill explain..she would say 'bills trying to poison me with the water'. we all drank the same water, were ok.he tell her 'its all in your head'.words he tells me now..i think hes tampering with my food, just enough to get me bloated,and skin broke out...thats one example, im trying to keep this kinda short.. and yes, i have gone though all possibiltys, and my gut screams that he wants me too sick to date, too sick to do anything outside of here.now, even sick, im never sick for long...my symptoms ARE weird, but when i went to my last doc, he strongly urged me to 'get out of the house' as a trial run to see if my symptoms improve. and sure enough, they do.this last time i left for 5 days,i hobbled into my car my ankles were so swollen, skin was so ugly, but he kept on piling more and more junk here for me to do, like putting stuff in the way of the shower so i HAVE to clean it if i want a shower..like leaving sticky dripped everywhere knowing im allergic to bug bites and MUST have a clean kitchen, he 'helps' by dripping or dragging dogpoop/mud on the bottom of his shoes all up and down the hall, i vacumn it or i step in it..ya know? i had to crawl to my car to escape, i got a motel that had a spatub in the room to get my legs to work again! gone 5 days, i had lost 5 pounds ( YAY!) skin cleared up after the second day..im wondering, since this doc has known my folks for a while, if he knows something that he cant tell me, like that my dad did this to my mom? and i hate even having my brain go to this place, but my instincts have NEVER let me down, except when i ignore them.the more i hear 'its all in my head' the more i know that if i start to secondguess myself, that'd be it for me.. im rambling, sorry.venting a little too here) now. ive asked my dad not to buy or cook food for me, i think ive mentioned that before here, and so long as im eating single serving foods, im ok. when i eat anything thats open in the fridge like milk, it starts up again.few days ago, my ankles swelled up again, so i asked how to fix the hot tub in the back yard. it needed cleaned.. first he tells me it cant be heated the usual way, he has to run a hose from another area of house .??.when i ask why he gets mad,' you think you know more than me? ive been electrician for blahblahblah'..and now the hottubs filthy...with what looks ike sediment..whatever, ive got open sores, im not getting into that water! so he yells again 'you think your smarter than your doc;....its like, jeez...i understand, stressfull, but the things my mom used to say, im now seeing! only im NOT crazy, not like he wants me to be. he does things to test me, i know him better than he knows himself i think, i see him going from one age to another, one day its 'super bill' the man that can lift a car, to 'bratty bill', the michevious boy pulling pranks on the nuns,'scary bill' the one that sees me as his siter he hates. theres 'perv bill' that goes in my undie drawer, its a different dude every day. ok. i can even handle that, but i cant handle dude trying to poison me! am i crazy? what do i do? theres so much more, dont fit me for that straight jacket just yet..i am very strong, but if taking care of him means i have to be sick by his hand, then im outta here! i dont know if he knows he does this, or an unconcious effort not to be alone.either way, im not gonna let him do to me what it sure looks like he did to my mom. its weird, my sisters son is going through stage 4 cancer that just hit this healthy 25yr old kid, makes you wonder if stuff runs in the blood? im adopted, im not that blood line. ( im not accussing anybody of anything here,just pointing out what keeps happning.over and over)
ok, ill be happy to get in more detail, ask me, i refuse to belive my mind and body are failing me, it doesnt feel like that at all..my instincts are dead on accurate...that doesnt change with age.

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I wouldn't normally respond on an old post but Maggie makes a point that's worth addressing.

Our community DPW has notified residents to run tap water for 30 seconds or more to allow any lead to run off. I've learned from DIY forums that lead tends to settle when faucets aren't turned on, such as during the night. So I run off hot and cold water every morning or after several hours of nonuse.

The ideal solution is to replace the pipes, but that requires funds not always available, especially for someone whose only income is SS.

There's also the issue of lead in paint. Popular remodeling shows feature homeowners and professionals hacking away at walls, pulling out insulation and engaging in other activities which expose harmful and toxic substances. I cringe every time I see someone pulling out old fiberglass insulation with bare hands and w/o adequate respiratory protection.

If you're remodeling, especially for caregiving purposes, research the safe methods first before smashing up drywall and pulling out insulation.

And please check the labels of cleaners, cosmetics, lotions, etc. The Environmental Working Group has extensive lists of chemicals, some of which are found in cosmetics and cleaning products.

And on the subject of lead, did you know that it used to be an ingredient in lipstick?
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I wonder how old the house is. I know someone from suburban Chicago whose wife passed away after having been "sickly" for years with maladies no one seemed to be able to diagnose. After she passed, they found she had high concentrations of lead in her system.

From the water pipes. From the EPA:

"Lead is rarely found in source water, but enters tap water through corrosion of plumbing materials. Homes built before 1986 are more likely to have lead pipes, fixtures and solder. The most common problem is with brass or chrome-plated brass faucets and fixtures which can leach significant amounts of lead into the water, especially hot water."

http://water.epa.gov/drink/info/lead/
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As for your question about whether "stuff runs in the blood," indeed it does. Or rather there are inherited traits that are passed down through genetics.
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Stress can cause psoriasis to flare up. Mold and carbon monoxide could be an issue here too. Both can cause weird physical and mental symptoms. When you got to the part where you mentioned him going through your underwear, that's when it became clear that you need to get out of that house and don't go back.
Really, like in the original Amityville Horror movie. Get out!
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I am not sure why you feel you need to stay in this situation which is obviously unhealthy for you physically and it sounds like emotionally you are stressed beyond a place that is affecting your quality of life.
I think if you put a little distance between you and the situation you would see how the obvious is to leave asap. When you went away and got better, the situation speaks for itself.
Maybe contact a counselor or social services, even Dept of aging to get help to formulate a plan to leave and have your father cared for. He does not sound too competent at this point. A family meeting to put your needs on the table??
I am very concerned about you, and urge you to get professional help immediately.
Meaning this situation is soo complex and intense, anyone would need outside support.
Good luck and remember taking care of you is not selfish it is survival
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OMG, you sound just like me! except im not married ( and never will be if im here!) im trying to tell him, work with me or im going to go. im not his wife and im not a punk, if he treats me like a punk, im out..im not gonna stay where i have to battle him, i raised my son, im 44 and id like to be able to get a date, have a life, my sense of obligation kept me here too. im adopted, it was kind of my way of helping, but ive done that.i came here to do 3 things.run the dope fiends off, i did that. clean the house and get it liveable again, ive done that. get his finaces in order,( dope fiends had credit cards in his name he didnt know about,etc.they drained him bank account) i put him on a monthly credit reorting to make sure nobody takes out more cards in his name, got hm on the CARE programs and he has the nerve to yell'i pay the bills, my house' I HAD A HOUSE i was doing fine!
lately he lies to me about everything, stupid crap that doesnt even matter,just to try to fight.and i dont want to fight! its so frustrating, you understand, jaime you seem the most like my situation, im glad you posted what you said.. he doesnt understand that even though i gave up my sec8, that im not stuck here. ive got almost all i need to go camping for a while, haha, the beach does so much good for me,i dont know. i guess im waiting for it to get a bit warmer, haha, its so cal but its still cold. sleeping in my mustang gonna be a bit hard sice im not a tiny gal, but ill manage. i cannot let him bulldoze me like he did my mom, im the only one that looks out for me,ya know? just hate to leave on a bad note, but im not gonna stay where im not wanted. there are a lot of people out there that need a good strong honest housekeeper/organizer,, but i cant work if i cant walk.
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sorry I have to clear up a typo in comment above. When I was talking about my sister. She is the one who likes the young guys. My point really is cause her children are older she should be able to help me. But she is too busy acting like a teenager. Its so bad that locals in the neighborhood have a name for her.... Which I won't mention.... LOL!!
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I totally understand where your coming from. 2 years ago before I moved in with my mom I lived in a mobile home that was rent to own. Yeah, I know it was just a trailor but it was almost paid for. I was working 2 jobs. I was basically content in my own little world. But then mom was diagnosed with dementia. My lazy ass siblings volunteered me to help with mom. Which ment I quit main job, then eventually had to quit the second. Within months I ran out of money(at the time me and my hubby was seperated). Mom needed me to be there 24/7 so I gave up everything. It was very hard for me cause my mother and I never got along. Yeah, in the beginning when I was just coming to help her 8hrs aday it seemed to be just another job. My siblings agreed that mom would pay me(very minimal let me tell ya) Well, once I moved in mom couldn't actually afford to pay me for 24 hr care. So I quit getting paid. I keep track every month what mom should actually pay me. Let me tell ya it really adds up fast. My mom owes me almost 6 figures and climbing. My hubby and I got back together. I couldn't be 2 places at once so he also gave up his rent to own place and moved in with mom and I. My siblings lost it. What do they think that my life evolves around mom???? I am 32 now I feel I deserve that I need a life also. My sister is almost fifty single, with one teenager and an adult son who has an obsession with "20something" boys.I guess that makes her feel young. She used to brag about going out on the town and partying, while I am her wiping my moms bottom. And my brother is a closet drug addict whom robbed my mom blind for years. I understand your frustration, I deal with it everyday. I sometimes wish I would have thought harder about looking after mom. But I have that caregiver personality and I know I would be feeling really guilty if I wouldn't be helping mom. My siblings and I feel out over money. They was furious that I was spending moms money to fix up things around the house. They seen the mold issues. Mom s dementia started years ago after dad died. She left the house go. Yes, I had to spend money to get the house back up to living conditions. In the mean time I was sick,constant headaches, itchy skin,puffy eyes etc.. I was also having trouble breathing at nite(possibly mold related??) I was diagnosed with SEVERE Sleep Apnea. I had to go on a breathing machine at nite. During a sleep study test I stopped breathing over 300 time/hour. I am glad to say that with help of cleaning up the mold and an operation on my airway. I no longer need that machine at night to breathe. The air here no longer feels heavy with that musty smell. Mom seems to be breathing better as well, she used to have a chronic cough.
I do know that if mom was in here right mind she would have fought me on "cleaning" up her house. Because this is her house and she was the only person who knew how to do it.
Don't feel like your being selfish for thinkin of yourself. You should come first. Don't be like me. I have put mom first along with hubby and kids. There is no longer room for me and my feelings. I know I am depressed but I won't admit that aloud. Somedays I just want this to be over. But then what??? my hubby and I will be out on the street HOMELESS!!!
Do what you need to do before you get in under your head! I really feel for you and your situation. You seem like your fighting a never ending war with your dad!! I don't know what to suggest to get him to see whats going on. From what you said about him, he sort of reminds me of my grandma (94). She is a pistol very bullheaded and way too PROUD to think she needs help. She is in excellent health memory is great for her age the only thing that is wrong with her is her knee had detoriated and she needs a walker/cane to get around. Well, you know where her years of stubborness got her??? A personal care home!!! She has been there since August 2010. She of course gives the aides hell constantly. They used to call here all hours when she was on her rants, till I told my uncle he had to deal with it!! Lucky him!!LOL
I looked online for EMF detectors. you can buy them online the prices range some was pricey! Too bad you couldn't get someone in the house(electrictian) they I am sure would be able to help you!! Even with the mold there are specialist out there that will come and test your air and check the home for mold. Is there anyway you can get your dad out of the house for a few hours?? Then maybe you could sneak a professional in the house to check things out??? Could others in the family talk to him that he will listen too?? Sometimes intervention with several people help.
I am here to listen if you need to vent!! As long as you don't mind me venting back!!!LOL!!!
take care
JAMIE
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wow, i hadnt even thought of EMF exposure, how would i go about having that tested/checked? i love ghost busters, but i cant call them in for this,.lol.yes, there is mold here, it makes me crazy he refuses to fix the most simple of thinga, i think because he yells at me how he was an electrician ( before computers and cells of course) but he wont have anybody in here because hes afraid that someone will see the wiring he did and see it isnt perfect. now dont get me wrong, not being perfect is not a problem, its refusing to fix something that can be dangerous simply because of pride that i have a problem with.. for example.. i am a big beliver in keeping certain lights on outside to deter burglars ( this street is the darkest street at night and we have a corner house) my dad would yell it costs too much money to have a simple floodlight on outside my window( we also have security cameras that need a light to 'see',but it makes me feel safer with a simple light.) well, it costs him money because he thought it would be a good idea,50 years ago, to run 220 through this house, as well as 110 ( most houses are 110, he has a tablesaw,bandsaw,a few big things in garage) well, of course its gonna cost more if he ran the whole outside lighting 220, but rather than letting me hook a new,low cost bulb, i get the 'you think your smarter than me? im an electrician.blahblahblah...) grrr. ive never tried to make him look stupid, i understand how fragile the male ego is, but i have feelings too and when the 'im man,you woman, and therefore stupid.' that gets on my nerves.ill post pics on my profile to show the mold, pics i took around here.. oh, he was in the frozen fod business all his life and he claims he doesnt know what a drain fly is? we have standing water at the hot tub, i put a pest strip and within a few hours its full of knats and tiny flys. i told him this is whats biting me, according to my biopsys, and 'its all in my head'..im a strong person, i can let almost anything roll off my back, but after a while it gets very heavey, especeially when im in a ton of unnessisarry pain.now i have no problem getting a room for a few days, btu when i get back, its overwhelming how big a mess he will make in just one or two days! i gave up my sec8 to move in here against my better judgement. i wated to close by, found a place, he knows that if im not here, mike or one of mike drug buddys will be so he dad wanted me here. he assured me that i wouldnt be left homeless if mike comes back ( in prison for beating dad up) and i explained over and over that once i give up my sec8 i cant get it back. now, for him to not only know that im gonna be homeless when he passes, but to watch me get sicker and sicker everyday it just makes me wonder what the hell im doing here/ my sister treats me like the adpoted kid, my health isnt so gone i cant work, but its getting close. if im gonna be out a place to live, ok, then i need to start to work on one for myself. nothing free, im more than happy to pull my weight, but if im sick, i wont be able to work, where does that leave me? is it too selfish of me to think of myself? im 44, hes 85.. were not supposed to die at the same time! i dont know, its just so much.. im so glad i found this site tho..
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hello,
Mold can cause a lot of symptoms. For example: my moms house had some mold issues when I first started helping her. I had unexplained problems. I accidently came accross a tv program about mold. I looked into it further and realized all my symptoms were coming from mold. It took months of bleach and cleaning.(I got rid of clothes, furniture, replaced paneling in the downstairs etc..) you name it, I either scrubbed it or threw it away!!! I did more throwing away then really needed LOL!!!!But my symptoms went away after a while.
Also, I know this sounds way out there, but you said your dad was an electrician? What about the wiring in the house? I watch Ghost Hunters alot and they talk about "High EMF exposure". Thats when your around high levels of electricity and those people that are sensitive can get symptoms of being sick. I did a web search before I wrote this. I did find a web article suggestion exposure to this can cause "skin rashes" among an array of other issues.
So I guess either one could cause a mess load of symptoms, but when you leave that enviroment it would diminish.
Just thought I would suggest. Maybe its not your dad that is hurting you its the house. And if he won't let you get it cleaned up, remember you health is important, and leave. I know that might be mean but you need to protect yourself.
I am sorry your going through this. Its hard enough to be a caregiver but then you are dealing with more issues that affects your life and well-being.
If I can think of other suggestions I will let you know.
take care!
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oh, im sorry. im getting used to being yelled at and called selfish, i need to retract my claws i guess. i need a vacation... BAD
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I was not referring to your sister...I was saying for YOU to take care of YOU
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I really did not mean to say to stay out of your sister's business. I meant if your worried about what it happening just take care of yourself ...get out the house....do you have to live there? I would not live somewhere I was afraid...Good luck
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well this house actually is worth saving, but he wont let me get anybody in here to work on it!! i think that hes so worried about somebody coming in and finidng out hes NOT the master electricion, hes not the master planner his buddys think he is. he would rather let me and my mom get sicker and sicker than to admit he didnt do it correctly. and thats a horrinble feeling.
so im kinda starting to go ' do i save the house, and put money into it. if i do, who can u cakk? ans
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You could contact the Health Department to inform them of the mold and carbon monoxide problems. They might even have to condemn the house. Also, there are Environmental companies out that check out environmental concerns. It is his house so you probably can't call them yourself. But you can call the the Health Department and have them check out the house.
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cindy, ive had 2 skin biopsys, 1st one had so many technical terms, i didnt understand a word of it, but that doc said 'paraphoriasis'..ok. then it got way worse, i started seeing dr moats, hes a great derm, he did skin biopsy, it simply said 'lbug bites'. he has perscribed me dofferent things, to not much avail. he had blood tests done,a culture , no word...( im assuming no news good news meaning nothing came up? id like to think hed tell me if something bad came up on the tests, i have to pay cash to see him so i dont go unless i really really have to.) im soooo thinking mold.. absolutly... now. where do i go from here? ive got pics of the attic, ( not really attic, more like the space between celing and rafters.) its ugly up there,it smells so musty, i KNOW everytime he goes up there ( he like to stash paper products up there, of all things) and anytime hes uop there, he coughs, i cough....
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Sounds like mold could be a problem?! Have you considered having your doctor do a toxicology screen on you? Maybe I've watched too many docudramas on tv but you never know . . .
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sandi..stay out of it about my sister? oh, i totally agree.i really shouldnt have put that in there, its just this big old web of stuff, all things are connecting in very strange ways.. .
now an update, so im walking around here, cleaning the yard, figured id take a picture..then i start noticing things.. like the mold issues right outside my window, like the seasoning bottle ( dads fav) almost empty, in the shop by where his truck usually sits. ( not a place where he would toss this.) im very tempted to send it to a lab to see what they come up with...but see, i know i sound paranoid, but the more i look at, the more questions that dont get answered, like, why would a man that took such great pride in this beautiful house he built with his own hands , let it go to pot while refusing to let anybody repair things? anyway, i get to the hottub out back, the one hes been pushing me to sit in, and i was horrified to see this hot water heater ( thats attached to the tub to heat it) totally scorched! i called the gas co right away, they came out and they agreed thats it not in my head, in fact, about 6 months ago we had the house fumigated, the gas co must come out to relight all pilot lights, they told him THEN not to use this water heater! i wonder if i can post this pic..and the attic, the one he loves to go into, is dripping with mold. thats why he was going up there all the time, trying to clean/cover up how bad it is!! these are full on health hazards, im thining his mind says ' im 85, passing away in a few years, why repair?' but see, he putting me at risk, the water heater outside was putting out an carbon minoxide off the charts when the gas guy came, i dont know what to do! im gonna have to figure out a lot of things here, me myself, im ready to grab my dog and go, camp at the beach is better than having my skin and health go straight down the drain.now, do i abandon ship save myself/ do i make sure hes ok when hes looking at me like im just there to serve him till hes dead? my sister treats me like the adopted kid, so why the hell am i here? that water heater thing really freaks me out..he HAD to have seen it that bad, he turned off the gas to it, but he didnt tell me? worse, hes been bugging me like crazy to sit in it? id be dead....
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Very interested in your story....about what you are experiencing and what happened to your nephew...very scary to think of,,,,but just watched a movie on it....Me, I would get out and stay out

Goof luck,
Sandi
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Run for your life woman!!!! I, like you, rely on my gut instincts and the bottom line is, if you are healthy away from him, then get on down the road. It breaks my heart to think he did something to your mom and will get away with it. You are not crazy, crazy people never question their sanity. So get going and let us know how things turn out
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