I have a caregiver who has put herself in the position of correcting my ways. Any advice?

Possible words to use:

You are so good for my mother, but she and I are different people. I have my own path. I understand that you are trying to be helpful to me, but I don't find your words helpful. What should we make Mother for lunch today?

I respect your beliefs, and I request that you respect mine.

I'm so sorry, but I really can't listen to this. Mother would appreciate a backrub right now.

I'm sorry, there's someone at the door.

In response to an email, "Thanks for the reminder about needing more wipes. I read what you wrote about my well being. I appreciate your good wishes, but your focus should always be on my mother, not on me."

"Your email was deleted before I read it. Was there anything there I need to know?"

I'm assuming that you want to try to get her to STFU before canning her ass. LOL

If you really think you will not need her services in a month, and there aren't a lot of other choices, maybe you could manage to tolerate it. But, really, an hour lecture from your employee? I think not!! Humility is the most powerful way? Well, then, she sure should start practicing it!

If you MUST keep her, ignore the emails and cut her lectures short, by saying you need to go do something. Or flat out tell her you are not interested in her theories, just in the help you are paying her for.

Are there any adult day programs in your area? Somewhere you could take Mom while you work?

tell her you have your own beliefs and shes making a fool of herself by promoting her own. then remind her that shes a guest in your home and best watch her yap. if these dont work, replace her with a secular leaning professional. nothing will get me bent more quickly than someone claiming to have what i need and by doing so implying that im lost without it.

she should be answering to you and following your instructions. thats the nature of employment. im an occasional employer and i must have control of the work site. i dont want to babysit a loose cannon.

OK, that e-mail was pure BS and psuedospiritual speak and you need that like a hole in the head. Watching mom decline is emotional, and if you need help sorting out what is behavior that Mom is in full control of versus dementia, you need that kind of information and not a pile of gobbeldygook pop psych lingo. I would ask this person what she is trying to do - console you? lecture you? prosyletize you? look down her nose at you? If she has good practical specific advice on something, fine, say "thanks, that's I good Idea I can do that, but the rest of the things you are saying make no sense, come across as vague and critical, and don't help at this difficult time..if I want counseling, I'll go get some, from someone who makes sense more than (whatever percent of the time she is making any sense) of the time." Just my $0.02.

Thanks Jinx, you got me to laugh and I didn't think anything could make me laugh today. I love your list of comebacks.

Loritabby, I would vote for putting up with her since it is just one more month and simply redirect the interaction or not acknowledge the information coming from her that's negative. Looks like you've already got some great tips on how to do that. Still the best laid plans can go awry and you mother might need help after a month. I'd suggest interviewing on the sly the other caregivers in town just in a friendly chat way - tell them you might need them in the future and just want to form a connection with them now if they will keep it confidential. That way you'll know if you like them and can call them up right away if you need to fire the current one or just next time around once you need more help. Good luck!

LOL Jinx!!! Oh I can't stop laughing.. Your last line is hysterical.. Must be the snow and cold weather, feeling cooped up?

lori -why did you listen to her for an hour. It would have been more appropriate to cut the conversation short saying thank you for your input, I have to go now. You can do that face to face too.

jinx has given you some good examples

I think advising her to focus on your mum is a good idea,

also as Jeanne says -if you can make it work out for the time remaining...

be prepared to deal with her wanting to stay in your life - you mentioned she did not charge for a period, You need to set up some boundaries now. I think pts has a point. I don't know if it is that bad, but this lady wants to be in control and the situation needs you to give her some very firm limits.

Cut her off whenever she starts talking like that to you again - what happens in your house e.g. the glass shelves is your choice, not hers and she needs to understand that very clearly.

You can tell her that this topic is not open for discussion, that you will work it out with your mother, that her job is to ... (care for your mother) but not to advise you etc, Figure out what you need to say to her, and don't let her get that involved again.

Good luck and come back and tell us how it works out (((((((((hugs))))))))

Counter her email with this:
Lastly, it is time to pivot your focus on the job you were hired to do, instead of forcing unsolicited beliefs upon the one who pays you. Work your job as you were hired to do. Humility is the most powerful way to keep your job and earn a paycheck.
May your current employment stay flourished with you

Ugh. God bless you. Seriously. People like that are going to keep on telling you what you are doing wrong I swear. Maybe every time she calls have a sudden emergency like yell oh my god mom stop!!! Then say oh my goodness dear I have to run mom needs help right away! Then hang up. Maybe also get another email address for your friends and business and dont give it to her