I recently placed my mom in a skilled nursing home due to a snowball of things that happened in very quick order. My mom lost control of her swallowing muscles about 2 months ago, and began choking and aspirating on everything she ate. She lost about 5 pounds in a weeks time and became very weak and unstable in her health. I talked with her doctors and her and we decided to place a feeding tube. She was ambivalent about it but I really pushed for it because I didn't want to see her go downhill any further. She had the tube placed and we brought her home. Long story short, I could not feed her adequately. Her stomach was slow to empty and I was spending all of my waking hours trying to bolus feed her, and then trying to work. We have a sitter that stayed with her during the day but she could never get comfortable with the feedings either. We put her in rehab where she did regain strength. The rehab people really pushed for me to take her back home. I honestly in my heart of hearts could not see myself trying to feed her 4 times a day, seven days a week. So I put her in skilled nursing. I retained her sitter who she loves dearly, to continue to be with her in the day at the nursing home. I visit her for two hours every night after I get off work, and I visit her 2-3 times on Saturday and 3 times on Sunday. I feel so bad because other than the feeding issue, she is fairly healthy. She has gained weight while there and gets around fairly well. She doesn't see herself as frail, and wants to come home. She has expressed that she understands that I can't take care of her at home while she has the feeding tube, but she thinks that she may get to remove it one day and eat again. All efforts at therapy have failed and the professionals have told us that she will not be able to eat again. I don't have the heart to tell her that the tube will never be removed. I just tell her that "it will be a good long while before it can come out". I don't want to take all hope away from her. Theres a part of me that feels I am just wearhousing her because I can't take on the 24/7 responsibility of the feedings--but I really just don't think I can do it and have any sort of life. She lived with me for 3 years before this happened. She couldn't have lived alone safely during that time. I know I have done a good job with her deep down. Yet I still feel so guilty for letting her be in the nursing home. I have siblings but they do not live close by, and cannot really be a source of help to me. Am I being selfish?