Why do I feel guilty that I never cry about my Mom's situation?
I've brought Mom 400 miles north to live closer to me due to her diagnosis of dementia/Alzheimer's type. My husband and I tried having her live in our house, but her sleeplessness, disrobing, and wandering made it impossible for me to get any sleep. We looked into in-home care, but it was much more affordable for her to be in nearby asssisted living, which is a very nice facility.
My only sibling, my brother, has come several times from out of state to visit. Each time, he gets all choked up and emotional upon leaving my mom.
I have yet to cry, except the one morning when she was still in my home... I'd been up with her 12 times during the night and cleaned up her messes, bathed her and helped her get dressed and spent an hour with her at breakfast without a single word out of her. I pictured my life for the next ??? years as a constant repetition of this nightmare, and I sobbed into my pillow uncontrollably. For me.
All I can feel now is relief. She is doing much better now that she's in AL. The staff love her. She loves her room, enjoys the food, and participates in all the activities. I visit her 3 times a week, minimum, and she gets to see her granddaughters and great-grandsons often.
All I feel is relief. I know she's got Alzheimer's and this is as good as things will get, but I guess I've accepted it and feel that I can once again enjoy life, now that she's enjoying hers.
I go to support group meetings and people watch the videos and cry, or they share their stories and cry. Not me. Am I in denial ??? What's wrong with me?