I feel guilty, should I leave work and remain with my father?

I think it is very important to ponder how much you are putting out verses how much you are getting back. In terms of investment..........is there a dividend or a return on your investment?

As a caregiver I think the world assumes we are all "Mother Teresa's" or "Florence Nightingale's" and that we never have needs.............nothing can be further from the truth! If we are expected to wait on someone 24 hours a day and be at their beck and call every time they need something, we would clearly die before they did or least lose OUR minds.

Caregiving is a noble profession with little pay or appreciation, yet it is funny how much they are needed now with baby boomers aging and a ballooning demographic of Seniors. Very little emphasis is put on the strain and stress that caregivers endure and the sacrifices they make. And yet someone needs to be there for them and show compassion to them without fear of judgment.

JessieBelle,

I really enjoy reading your comments because I can relate to you.

Cindy

Rileyann -- I hear where you are coming from on your comment. I wish I would've known about an actual "contract" like you'd mentioned. I asked one time in the years of caregiving so far, if I could be paid $10/hr which wasn't much above the min. wage, and yet would've helped me financially with paying for child care when needed, plus the cost of maintaining my car and the gas. I did a lot of paperwork, errands, and cleaning -- I thought it was a fair request. My parent looked at me as if I was from another planet, so I dropped the subject. My parent said I'd be reimbursed "some day" but never defined what that was. Sometimes I'd get a little gas money or a meal out which I didn't really want or need; she just wanted a companion to take her out to eat. She thought that was fair and I had no say-so in the subject. I've seen agency caregivers get pay without any argument from her. I now live in a different town and this was the only way to keep up her caregiving. When I do visit I have to roll up my sleeves and clean, do errands, and generally catch up on everything that she will not ask them to do -- she saves it for me. I protest (reasonably) and she gets angry. Yes, I feel trapped too, by a situation I should've put my foot down about. A little hourly wage would (then and now) help so much. She lives in a different town because she does not like the town we are in -- her choice -- we offered to move her to where we live. So, I'm back to long-distance management. My "trips" there are not "vacations" as she thinks they are for me and she just does not get it. I wish there was a law on our side that mandated a requirement for recompense. I'd gladly pay taxes for the part-time income. No, I guess that's stupid, we get suckered into this because of guilt-trips.

TheirDaughter I sure wish I'd read your comment 10 years ago, or even 3 years ago when I had a slight opportunity to escape.

DrHope, I certainly do hope that you read the comments here and choose NOT to quit your job as TheirDaughter said, she noticed that all of us that made that choice usually did it out of guilt (I did) pressure (yep) and are miserable (uh-huh). For me, this has been going on 10 years and each time I start to catch my breath, it's something else they need and I end up totally too depleted to get my life back.

One thing people aren't addressing or I haven't read yet and that's become a HUGE factor in my situation - in addition to getting buried in debt and going through my savings (because I never planned or dreamt this would still be my situation 10 years later)............. is now while I'm running my parents to their doctor's appointments because they have medicare and blue cross and dental - I find myself resentful because I have ABSOLUTELY NO INSURANCE and they don't notice or care. And I am several years from being able to get social security (which will be minimal because of all the years without income) and medicare.... I haven't seen a doctor in 10 years...I really could use counselling but can't afford it...now am having dental problems. Thank God I did find a wonderful dentist that's been extremely compassionate.

Bottom line is unless you have huge amounts or cash or your dad does and plans on paying you to give up your job - DON'T. Best of luck & God bless you all that are reading this post.

Candy, can you find or go to a support group or do you need counseling? If you do, check with your state for behavioral health services. Some states, if not all, offer psychiatric and counseling services for minimal payment or sliding scale, whichever you may qualify. If not, another thought, I was told by a counselor that a university with a psychology program takes on clients for the new to be psychologists to learn. They have a REAL psychologist there in the room overseeing the new psychologists and step in if or when needed. There is NO cost for this program but only so many people can participate in a year. I hope this helps. Blessings

Rileyann, can you get a part time or full time job and get a day nurse? Neglecting yourself and your own future is not an option. Also, talk to a lawyer about this - most lawyers will give you a free consultation.