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I sit here crying while being on here, like I'm going behind my moms back, Yet what I read is mostly all very helpful. I am an in home caregiver to her for almost 2 years now with little reprieve. I guess I'm also thinking that anything you say can be used against you if that subject ever does come up. :,(

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One twig may be easily snapped, but a whole bunch bound together becomes unbreakable. That's the point of this site. All the folks on it share common situations and coming together even in an online forum helps us become stronger.
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Well, they (whomever they are) are more than welcome to use anything I have said on this site, they'd get a snap shot of what hell my life has been.
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Please do not feel that you are alone in feeling this way, ihanaa! I'm right in there with you. It will get better & you will stop feeling guilty...I promise. You are stressed beyond all imaginable daily occurrences as a caregiver for someone who is elderly; lots of time even the most understanding friends don't "get it" and are hard to talk with; and at this state you might just be feeling hypervigilant, at the end of your serenity--of course that would make you feel miserable. DON'T GIVE UP! Writing here and reading the posts & advice has gotten me to drop this fear and I know it will occur with you too. May you have many, many bright moments, many silver linings in every dark cloud, and much love. Your mom is suffering from an chemical imbalance in her brain and can't control herself. Just keep repeating this to yourself, let it be your mantra and you will start feeling the fear & anxiety lessen. Bless you & lots of fond wishes!
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Please go to a website like legalzoom and read up on what the various legal documents are all about, and what they enable you to do. I think if you have the healthcare proxy you shoud be able to sign for her since she cannot make her own health care decisions due to her dementia. I am fairly certain this is how it works, but check it out. There is a no-cost resource I recently learned about that you can take advantage of if your Mom qualifies financially. The county has many senior service resources, and this one is for legal assistance. You can actually get legal advice and necessary documents drawn up. I am in the process of using it for my uncle to get various legal documents drawn up for him. In my state (NJ) it's the county legal aid service. Check your state website or the phone book government listings.
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ihanaa - being a caregiver is very confusing and exhausting. And you have every right to come here for insight, guidance and venting - and shouldn't ever feel guilty or scared about it. You have to take care of yourself before you can properly take care of someone else. And that's what you're doing here - taking care of yourself. You're not snooping on a site on how to rip her off or treat her bad. So please don't feel guilty about something that is good for you. You are right - that is what the Healthcare Power of Attorney is for - so you can sign instead of your mother. I had the same problem with them always wanting my mother-in-law to sign too. So I take whatever needs to be signed and sign it myself and then put /POA after it. I never get any problems. They may ask for a copy of the POA, but that's to be expected. Good luck!!
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Thank you all for your input on my concerns, It's just hard when you have never had to ask for help before. Just feeling lost and insecure about how to go about taking care of mom, so many laws and things that keep you from even being able to fully get the whole picture about how to care for her, even after getting her health proxy (I guess that's the word) I have trouble talking to some of the places about her. She has been declared incompetent yet these places want her signature for consent, Isn't that what the power of attorney for health is ? Isn't her signature deemed unacceptable with the incapacity letters? Again, Thank you for your time and caring words.
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I found this website when I needed it most. I was going through a rough time with my mom and No help from my only sibling. It has helped me immensely. Yes, you deserve a place to vent, to asks other people's advise on how to handle certain things that only we can help with. We need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.
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im guessing your on here to learn better carer coping techniques and in turn make your mothers life better. nothing to feel guilty about..
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Well, depending on how computer savvy your family members may be, you'd wanna do more than log out... you'd wanna delete history too :-)
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Hi Ihanaa, I've found this site last year in June. And I still come here under cover. My niece had looked over my shoulder and memorized this site. They live just next door. I have vented about my 7 siblings these past months and was able to get rid of most of my anger, hatred and resentment. At the same time, I've learned LOTS of stuff here.

Just sign out every time you leave the computer. If a family member has access to your email, you can uncheck all the boxes that would send you email from this site.
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Peace to you! I know it is hard.. speaking for myself, I came on board to get some support as I don't get support from my siblings... and I need a safe place to process, and to learn from others... There is a sense of understanding here. Caring for a parent is really challenging and unless you've done it, there is no way you can understand or empathize. We do understand.
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Dear Ihanna You are entitled to a reprieve, so try not to feel guilty. You have to take care of yourself to remain well enough to take care of your Mom. Taking time to yourself with a support forum like this, or meeting friends for coffee - anything - is vitally necessary. It keeps us going!
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Hi there. I know what you mean, it does seem like we are betraying them in some ways, but we are just being human beings, who are desperately tired and often closed out from any sort of real and significant social life. I love my mother dearly, but dang this is a difficult task. And she should know, as she took care of my father for a number of years. I came here for the same reason, basically... to find answers... and understanding. I hope you will feel safe here. I won't tell if you won't? Lol!
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