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Why everyday I feel like a hamster in a cage on thatwheel going in circles and nothing gets done,How can I move past the sadness and Depression of My MOMs Illness to pull things together more and also take care of myself beause been 11 years now and just found out I have lesion on my liver with other things that are wrong,very concerned,,and how do you no what stage of Dementia your loved one is in or is there no stages.Appreciate all advice even critucal if going to help me Thank you

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That's why taking your loved one to adult daycare helps alot. Adult daycares are beneficial for people with dementia or Alzheimer's at least they are being watched while you're getting respite.
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Sandy,
Try exercise. I can't make myself do it, but maybe you can! See about getting an antidepressant. Being depressed makes it SO VERY hard to get things done. Have they checked your thyroid?

Pray. Meditate. Count your blessings. (1. You don't have dementia!) Love yourself. Tell us more about your situation. Come here often for support, information, and a safe place to rant and rave.

Get some respite or put Mom into a NH. This is an extremely hard job, and 11 years must feel like forever. I've been at it for less than a year, and I want to know when my poor, crabby but really OK husband is going to die. Don't feel bad if that's your question. You can stand it if it's just one more year, but it could be another FIFTEEN or TWENTY! Get help. God bless you, and I hope you find a way to lighten the load.
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Sandy22: 11 years of caring for your Mom is a very long time! I have been doing it for 7 and about a month ago, I was ready to put her in a nursing home because I could no longer handle her behavior. I sought medication for her that has helped but has caused some additional confusion. She believes her Mom, sister and husband are alive and asks for them along with other things.

I absolutely know what you mean about feeling like you are on that exercise wheel just spinning round and round and nothing seems as though it is being accomplished. No matter how hard I work or how fast, I cannot get everything done that needs to be done, while being her companion, caregiver, nurse, etc.

I am her POA for Finances and Healthcare, so I clean the house, wash the clothes, scrub the floors, cook meals, clean up messes, then there is always paying the bills, banking and that is just what is done inside the house! I also paint, water plants and grass, take care of the outbuildings, cut trees, etc. So when I say I do EVERYTHING that is what I mean.

When you are trying to take care of everything and forget nothing, you have to let some things slip or you have to take care of the most important and the others must wait. Today however I washed the dogs plate and place mat and set it behind the kitchen faucet to let it dry. My older sister was home and saw it and blew up that I was "White Trash" for doing such a thing! I said, "Okay well if it bothers you that much then when you are home YOU can dry them and put them away, while I am trying to put the dog food away and clean off the counter top! This from a person who hasn't lifted a finger to help me?

I did not mention that I have two siblings and one of them lives in the house with us. Because they work outside jobs they do not help with Mom's care, it was basically just given to me. Now one sister lives about 30 minutes away and has two children so I can understand her not helping but not the one in the house.

So not only do I know how you feel running on that wheel, but I know what its like to run that wheel with an able bodied person right there who could help you, but doesn't.

You need to do whatever you can to give yourself some relaxation and time off. If you are ill you need time to take care of yourself. If you keep going at the pace you are currently going and you become worse, who will care for your Mom then? You really need to seek out help of some sort to give yourself the care you need.

Can you hire in home help? Is Mom well enough to go to Day Care? Would you want to put her in Assisted Living or is she ill enough that she needs a Nursing Home? These are all hard choices, but you are talking about YOUR life now and being able to have one after Mom is gone.

The beginning of this year I was told I had gone into Renal Failure and I was where you are. After additional testing I was told that they were wrong and I was basically doing pretty well for my age. I was having to consider all the things I mentioned to you because I have a 21 yo daughter, that I am not willing to leave this early in her life!
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im divorced and work hard physical labor. i cant do everything that needs to be done so i have to let some things go. my house isnt very clean right now but i dont care. im working on long neglected masonry equiptment. im just sayin work smart and let less important things go.
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Sandy, some types of dementia, including Alzheimer's, do develop through fairly recognizable stages. Others do not. You can easily find a list of the stages of Alzheimer's on this site or by searching for it via Google. You can examine the stage descriptions and see if any seem to match where Mom is on the journey, and where she has been. If she doesn't seem to match the pattern at all, she just may be an exception or she may have some other type of dementia.

Even if you can determine with some confidence which recognized stage Mom is in, that may not be of enormous benefit. She may not follow the next stages very closely. They may be mild or severe. The duration of each future stage is not known.

I know the feeling of being a gerbil in an exercise ball. I was busy every minute of the day when I was caregiving, but it was often hard to tell if I got anything done. You are sad and you are depressed over your mother's illness. In fact, you are in "ambiguous grief." You are mourning and yet your mother has not died. You have legitimate reasons not to be able to get your act together and accomplish things. Try to sort among all the things you feel pressure about and pick out those that really need your attention. Taking care of yourself and taking care of your mother are your priorities. Let other things go, but do focus on both of those. It is not really important that you get a lot of things done, but your health and your mother's quality of life are worth the effort of getting your act together at least enough for those things.

I recommend a wonderful book called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," for more about the concept of ambiguous grief. It is by Pauline Boss.

You are in mourning. Cut yourself some slack. You can't fault yourself for not functioning at peak efficiency. But please do find a way to attend to your own health. Seek counseling if you think that kind of support will help. Take advantage of every respite opportunity, if that is what you need to take care of yourself. Your mom is worth your care, and so are you!
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Get some respite and think of your own health even a week or two just to focus on you and definetely check out daycare you cannot do this 24/7 its not possible! Good luck and let us know how youre doing as im in same boat and am waiting to hear back about daycare!
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Frequent the park as often as you can. It is said that just being in nature has one of the highest vibrations. The park that we most frequent is one where we can feed ducks. After we leave the park, we feel so uplifted we can tackle the rest of the day and have more energy. Read this article on why being in nature is important for your health:
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I think I know what you're talking about. Many days I just feel dazed and get nothing done other than dealing with the way I'm feeling. As much as I try to do my regular job while being a caregiver, the caregiving takes over and becomes my main job. All the frustrations and emotions that go with it can make it hard to concentrate on my paying job.

Eleven years! You poor thing. Your liver may be letting you know it is time to get help so you can concentrate on yourself for a while. I don't know what is possible for you to do, but if your mother is very ill, perhaps she could enter a rest home until you're able to get well yourself. It is so hard to know how to handle things unless there are a lot of family members helping -- something that few of us have.
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As a caregiver to my grandpa who has dementia, I take him to adult daycare so I can get respite for myself and so he can be watched and fed and be around other people over there. If you haven't taken your mom to adult daycare, I strongly recommend it so you can get respite for yourself and try to get your tasks done. My grandpa's medicaid for all of his daycare expenses. So check with your mom's insurances if they cover adult daycare and other respite programs.
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