Caregiver gone to far. Why is she is pushing hard for my in-laws to be institutionalized?

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My inlaws live on an island 2.5 hrs. from my home. Ferry ride to visit. He is 85 she is 84. He has alzeimers and is fairly checked out. Local caregiver who runs adult daycare program called APS on my M-I-L claiming she is not capable of good enough care. APS came to the location of the daycare and questioned my M-I-L. Caregiver calls me and informs me she has called APS and that my M-I-L failed their cognitive test. Caregiver is pushing hard for my inlaws to be institutionalized. Caregiver requested I call APS and report also. I am not going to do this. My M-I-L is tired and worn down but loves her husband and is planning on keeping marital promises of keeping him at home for as long as possible. She has caregivers set up 5 days a week at the house and seems to be holding down the fort. My F-I-L is calm and chill and tired most of the time. He does respond to M-I-L and is still eating, walking and taking a shower. However, this caregiver is not giving up. She has inserted her opinions to other medical providers and tried to encourage them to call APS. Recently, F-I-L was admitted into hospital for failure to thrive and then on to skilled care for about a week. He is home now, but the home health nurse seems to be tied into the original caregiver who called APS. The new home health nurse is now coordinating care for OT, PT and speech therapy. She is pushing, has had my M-I-L sign electronic paperwork without leaving copies or emailing them and is asking questions that indicate she has been told false information by original caregiver - hmmmm. This is all very unsettling as my M-I-L is providing adequate care and love, food and protection, and is bringing in help. Should I be concerned by this over zealous caregiver who seems hell bent on getting my F-I-L institutionalized. The inlaws own 2 homes, have long term care ins. and a little savings. The problematic caregiver works at the nursing home on the Island. Does she have monetary reasons for her pushiness? I appreciate people who care enough to make sure that a fellow citizen is being cared for; however, she is not backing off. I have been working closely with a social worker who has approved of our current care plan for the inlaws. She is the discharge social worker from the skilled nursing home that he was recently discharged from. I have discussed this problematic caregiver with her because this same caregiver called the skilled the nursing facility that the social worker works at and suggested she call APS on my inlaws. After long discussions the social worker agreed with me that this caregiver really needs to mind her own business and that our family has it under control. However, this issue seems to be more layered each day as each person that comes to the house seems to have "heard the news" from this original caregiver....very frustrating. At first I thought my M-I-L was maybe paranoid, but now I realize she is correct. Maybe a restraining order and gag order is needed for this person? Maybe time to get an attorney. Your thoughts??

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The caregiver is the person I would trust most. They are with the elderly and see many things you do not. There is no financial gain for a caregiver. Many times, the family is afraid of financial assets being used for home care or losing control of financial assets, if the person is put in a nursing home. I am an elderly person that lives in a complex where most of the residents are suffering from dementia or Alz. or some sort of disability that we need help. We rely on home health aides more than we do on family. The elderly can be very needy and demanding. We resent needing help. I find many of my neighbors relying on me or my family to do things for them. They have family but not all families are the same. My next door neighbor eats food that has been sitting for hours. Her 3 daughters are all in the area but they are living their lives. Not until the daughters noticed Mom had spent too much money in one month, did they become concerned. She had an outsider going to the store for her, to get cigarettes and coffee she was not supposed to have. The outsider took advantage of the situation. If the daughters had been more understanding, it could not have happened. My neighbor is not capable of independent living any longer. She will burn the place down one of these days, eat something that is poisonous or she will die from having coffee and cigarettes (which is the way she prefers). Trust the caregiver. There is not one thing gained by them, if your parent goes to a nursing home. I see finances being a major source of contention in families. If your parent has money use it for their care. That is why they saved it. Just my two *sense.
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Good point - mandated reporter considerations may be applicable. Actually we had a similar situation with neighbors. A very stubborn husband and a slowly failing wife. He adamantly refused help, but a friend (trained nurse) of the wife's worked to help her and to intervene to get her into a safe situation. Yes, she pressured Adult Protective Services, etc. and she did the right thing. She disrupted that old man's life but his wife was really hurting. Maybe being stubborn helps in some cases, but life situations change and refusing to recognize that doesn't cure anything.
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I worked for a VNA agency and it is one of their obligations to Office of Aging if they feel a patient isn't being taken care of. Just like a teacher has to report abuse of a child.
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CM raises an interesting question. Is this caregiver a private duty caregiver or a medical home health worker? I'm not sure about the mandatory reporting obligations of a private duty caregiver as their focus is not medically based, nor do they always have medical qualifications. I learned this in the process of finding one for my father.

In fact one guy who owned a franchise bragged that he could train his caregivers in about 4 hours to handle a dysphagia patient on oxygen. I think not; first and last conversation with him.
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It appears that the caregiver is passing on false hoods.

To quote the OP "There have been several other things that have happened and been said - things that are simply untrue that have been told to their health care providers; things that are coming from this particular caregiver. Things she said to me on the first phone call that I didn't know and then found out thru investigation that were not true. These things she told also to my S-I-L - were not true. We were at the hospital visiting FIL and making future arrangements with the social worker and with our MIL -- and I had the opportunity to ask questions to the doctor, that were confirmed, that what this caregiver told us - was not true. "

This raises red flags for me. The caregiver is not a reliable reporter. 
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Countrymouse,
You opened this discussion, it looks as though you're closing it as well. Your insight as to what's going on, what should and shouldn't take place, and not jumping on the bandwagon against the caregiver, who's dealing with unreasonable resistance with zero support doing what they're hired to do I applaud. If God forbid something dreadful had happened to one of those elderly folks, this discussion would have focused on the caregiver not doing what some are claiming is going to far. Thank You.
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Just on a point of order: if a professional in healthcare observes a problem, it is not only okay for her to report it, it is mandatory.

I agree that discussion with the family is important. The difficulty is that, with the best will in the world, you can't be there enough to know better than someone who is with your in-laws during their daily routines. In seeing a problem with her client and reporting it and following it up, the caregiver acted entirely correctly.
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Also, wanted to mention that although I did use the term "failure to thrive" as reason for admittance to hospital...I actually heard that term not from the doctors at the hospital but from my close friend who runs a memory care facility. When I was telling her that the doctors were holding him and going to administer tests on why he was weak and tired; she actually used that term - that term was not used by the doctor to us. So, my bad for being unclear in my original explanation of what was going on. He has been eating okay - drinking okay - he has lost weight over the past couple of years but he is not as active either and just doesn't eat that much. My MIL has a loaded fridge and is pretty on him to eat - when I ask him to eat or when we are around he always says I am not hungry and she still puts food in his mouth. Getting old sucks.
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Thank you for your responses. It was good to get some different perspectives on this situation. Most important is the care for my family. Second is dealing with this person if they don't back off.
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Revealing personal information on a client to a hairdresser as well as to people at church is as others stated a clear violation, not only of privacy but probably of the terms of her employment, if she works for an agency. Fire her ASAP. The agency can provide someone else, but make sure the owners understand why she's being fired.

Assuming that you learned this information not only from her contacts with you but also with your other relatives, who don't have dementia, you may also have grounds for either slander or libel, depending on whether she "shared" any personal information verbally or in writing, and how much she advised others that you were not providing proper care.

I'd go after her legally and shut her up. Perhaps a threatening letter from an attorney would stop her and you wouldn't have to go any farther. But her employer definitely needs to know.
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