I am a caregiver going through mixed emotions. How do I deal with all of this and where do I start?

Follow
Share

I have been a caregiver for my wife for 5 years. She was diagnosed with scleroderma. I love my wife and I am glad that I can take care of her and love her. I am tired and losing energy. I try to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think about what if. I never knew you could grieve for someone that is still alive. My wife is pain 24/7. I feel so bad for her. I feel helpless and it brakes my heart. I use to have so much energy and now I am tired. I never thought I would say that I am depressed but I am. I fear that I will find my wife dead. If I can not deal with it now how am I ever going to deal with it when she is gone. I am physically, mentally, emotionlly exausted. My health is being affected. Everytime I go to church, I just cry. I have never felt so many different types of emotions. How do I deal with all of this and where do I start?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
16

Answers

Show:
Oops I forgot to look at the date 2008!!! You'd think I'd know better by now...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

IS4031 You are a women's dream.. Your wife is lucky to have you, I'm sure she knows that!

Don't be afraid or guilty to find help for yourself.. Reach out to local sources.. Make time for yourself.. You'll be a better caregiver to your wife, without feeling overwhelmed..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mom has dementia and is now in a facility. My sister and I struggle everyday if we are doing the right thing. My sister recently took her in for a couple of days and now realizes she cannot care for her. The problem is my sister thinks I do not care but I have been there 100 percent. I cannot take my Mom in as I have realized I cannot do it and have gone to support groups to get through this. I am there for Mom whenever she needs to go to appointments or anything happens I am the first one to be called. I am hurt by what my sister said and feel it just pushes us apart. What do I say to my sister?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are a hero. Can you get respite care. Maybe a sister or parent could take over for a few days. Getting away and reconnecting with who you are works miracles
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear IS4031,
I totally understand how you feel, as the other posters do above. I took care of both Mom and Dad for over 2 and a half years and it was the most difficult job physically and emotionally that I ever had--and everyone who has done this say the exact same thing. The plethora of emotions that you feel are totally normal and sometimes I know you may feel like you're losing your mind. The conflicting emotions of total and unconditional love, guilt, mental and physical fatigue, etc...will wear you down . First, you must take care of your self. If you do not, you cannot take care of your wife. And most importantly, you cannot do this alone. You need assistance. No one CG can do it by themselves no matter how strong they think they are. I am super happy that you are going to church. Give all of your hurts, anxieties, pains, worries, everything to the Lord. You cannot control what happens to your wife, only the Lord can. He may not change the situation you are in, but He can change YOU. He can, thru his strength, power, love and infinate understanding can bless you with the mental and physical strength to get you thru this. Trust Him, ask Him, beseech Him for help and He will answer your prayers. He see's and carries your tears in His bottle and He loves you and your wife more than you know.
"Lean not on your own understanding, but thru prayer, supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God, and the Peace of God, which surpasses all human understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
God bless you, may the Lord make His face to shine upon you, may the Lord bless you with His peace IS4031.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

IS4031

I'm sorry for what you're going through. My ex-husband had scleroderma. It was 20 yrs from the time he was diagnosed until he died. He went blind, and it went into his esophagus, then down into his digestive system. We were not married when all this happened, but were still very close because of the kids, and I was with him just before he died. It is a horrible disease. You and your wife have my sympathies.

As all the others here have suggested, I would recommend medication for depression - it really does help. You have a large load to carry, and the medication can help make it a little easier to bear.

I am currently caregiver for my 82 year old mother. She is mentally alert most of the time, but in a lot of pain and wasting away. It is difficult to deal with as well. I have a wonderful husband who helps me cope, though. That, and anti-depressant medications help me get through each day. This forum has been a godsend as well. Just knowing that I can get on here and read about other people's situations is a big help. Sometimes it helps knowing that others are in the same situation you are.
Hope this helps just a little bit.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am a new Caregiver 2-1/2 months. My mother who now lives with me has mid stage Alzheimer's and Chronic pain. She needs more than I can give her while working full time. She is going to fight hard when I tell her she needs in-home care. How do I approach her?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

IS4031
I hear your call for help in what you are saying. I speak from having gone to the brink of a breakdown from spending all my time on caring for my special loved one. I woke up one day and realized if I did not do something for myself, I would be unable to cope and both of us would be helpless.
What comes to mind is what the flight attendant on an airline says when demonstrating the drop down oxygen masks in case of emergency:
"First put your mask on so you can breath. Only then put on the masks of your companion."
Perhaps it is time to "put your mask on" and find a way to get rest or help. It isn't easy putting your needs first, but think of what the airline stewardess says and put on your "oxygen" first so then you will be able to deal with your beloved's situation.
My heart reaches out to you in your hour of need.
Stillsongs
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

IS4031, your feelings are perfectly normal because you love your wife and have been faced with a serious, life-altering event. There are no words to describe the pain, the feelings of isolation and the fears of "what-if." This may not make any sense, but if you allow yourself to go through the range of emotions, with time, it is possible to arrive at a place of greater peace and acceptance, if only because continuously try to reconcile our pain with the reality of what we face in our individual caregiving journeys. When you are exhausted, be sure to slow down and rest; when you are feeling most vulnerable, remember that you are not alone in your feelings. May God bless you and your wife.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My father cared for my mother the same loving way; she has alzheimer's. He passed 4 yrs ago. I now (the only child with no spouse or children) took over caring for her. She cries constantly throughout the day for no reason. It is not easy and I feel you. Please hang in there and I will pray for you and please pray for me. I can't attend church any longer because its hard to get my mom out. Church services give you strenght and courage to go on a few more days.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions