My friend has been caring for parents for 4 or 5 years with increasing responsibilities. Parents won't go to assisted living or allow her to see medical or financial records. She has a husband who has depression had to quit her job because of added responsibilities to parents. 5 siblings won't admit that parents dementia and health problems are as bad as they are. My friend is about to totally give out. Is there anyway she can get them into assisted living without their permission?

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Does your friend have Power of Attorney for her parents or does one of her siblings? And, has she asked you for advice? If you give your opinions, you will be in the middle of a family war.

If her parents will not allow her access to their personal information, who pays their bills and handles their finances? How does your friend pay her own bills? Your friend sounds likes she’s not much more than an unpaid slave. If her parents would happen to go to a facility and your friend has no income of her own, how would she pay her bills, especially if she stays in their home, which, by rights, doesnt belong to her. She’d be no more than a squatter and could be evicted. Could she stay with you if she washes her hands of the situation? And, if her husband has mental issues, is he under a doctor’s care? She could be going from one bad situation to another.

Unhelpful sibs can seldom be made to “see the light” and suddenly start helping. Why should they? Sister does it all.
If she truly wants out, your friend needs to have a plan for the future before she drops out of the caregiving role. When that’s in place, she should write a letter to her sibs and send it registered mail. She should tell them that on such and such a date, she will no longer be caring for their parents. They will need to make other arrangements for them because she will be out of the picture.
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