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They never ask me how things are going or offer to help. Any suggestions?

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Artnip, I have 6 siblings and most live close by, but I rarely see them anymore. They each visit Mom when the guilt hits, then I don't see them again for months. Usually they show up 2 at a time, so I know they talk before they come. I no longer tell them If I have to take Mom to the ER or doctor visits. I gave up on obsessing over their absence a few years ago and my life got easier without that stress. If they want to know how Mom is doing, they will have to either call me or stop to visit, otherwise I assume they don't want to know. When I did keep them informed with health updates, etc., I got feedback that they were tired of hearing my "complaining " about Mom. I guess they felt that my updates on her status were just a chance for me to complain about how I felt about the situation. Thank goodness for my youngest sister telling my witchy sister that I talked about Mom and her issues because it was my life, 24/7 and had nothing else in my life to talk about!
I guess what I'm trying to say, Artnip, is that care giving is what you make of it. If the sibs are causing you stress and won't help, then forget about them. One less thing to add to your stress. As for them being the first in line for $$, use it all on your mom for her care and needs. That's what I'm doing. It's Mom's $$ and I don't care if there isn't any left, even for me! I am so far in debt after being out of work for 5 years, that Mom's $$ wouldn't make a difference to me anyway! My youngest sister is POA and is an absent daughter also, but will come right away if I need her. She knows how much 2 of our sibs have borrowed from mom over the years and says she will ask them for that $$ to help pay for Mom's care when the time comes. Good luck with that!
Do the best you can and when you can't do anymore, them maybe you should think about placing your mom in a facility. Then you can let your sibs deal with that decision!
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Isn't it interesting that the siblings who don't help with caregiving are the one's who mowe down the lawers to get the money when the folks pass away.
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You cannot change anyone's behavior, ever. You can only change how you react to it. Continuing to ask your siblings for assistance might help somewhat, but they probably won't respond the way you'd like.

Is there a way for you to go away for a week and have one or more of them come stay at your house to ensure that your mother gets some company while you are away? Because it is a limited time frame that you are asking for their help, they may be more willing to help you out "just this once." It might serve as a real eye-opener for your brothers and sisters, and could get a conversation going about how, exactly, they can help you in the future.

If your mom is willing and able, perhaps she could call them, with your help if needed, and tell each one how much she misses them. How can they resist going to see dear Mother ? Yes, they are busy, but so are you.

Whatever you do, don't play the martyr role, because they will just resent you and think that you are fishing for compliments. Advocate for yourself just as you advocate for your mom - with confidence and with no apologies. Just give them the facts!

Good luck!
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All you can do is call them or better have a family meeting -but if they have not steped up by now they probably will not at all-maybe give them the benefit of doubt -they may not realize all that you have to do each day and at night also-write down all your duties-maybe one of the sibs would be able to do the doc visits or help with the paperwork or cook a meal once a week or what ever-have you done what I did and be vein about and do it all yourself to prove you can-I did and soon no one asked if I needed help and when I did ask I was ignored-do get together and lay out what you are doing and ask for help. Call your office on aging and see what assistance is available-I hope your sibs do help you-let us know how it goes either way-we all aducate each other-our senior center has a caregivers support group where 2 social workers and former caregivers meet with folk who are caregivers-some hospital also have such groups-I was helped in the past and now am helping those going through it themselves.
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My married sister visits our folks about 3 times a year, yet she lives only 20 minutes away, and her days are wide-open. She calls them about once every 2 months. She does not work and has two kids away in college in another state. I think that she truly believes that since she is married that she is "off the hook" relative to caregiving duties. She is usually a nice person, but when I bring up the possibility of helping me with caregiving duties, she gets quite unpleasant. I believe she feels as if I am invading her free time. She does not help me in any way whatsoever with our aging parents. Unfortunately, what I have noticed from other similar situations is that when it comes time to settle the estate (in other words, money) the children that did NOT help out with aging parents are first in line to collect the inheritence. My theory is that they have the least integrity, and they feel no guilt for not helping out, yet they feel they deserve a large piece of the financial pie. Believe me, the children that "did not have the time" to help out with aging parents, WILL "have the time" when it comes time to collect the money!
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I haven't had a formal sit down with them. I guess I didn't think I had Too! Guess I was wrong. Will try that.
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I might add that I asked my sister to share in the care of our Mother, and asked my brother to help when she was still in her marital home. I got the deer in headlights stare from weak brother along with whiny selfish excuses from sister.
I was always more attentive to our Mother; my brother took from her enabling and my sister would visit her when she had another task to do in same location. Kill two birds with one stone-- so that tells a lot about people, doesn't it?
I did not Choose to care for her alone, but I became the caregiver by default.
Jeanne has loving, helpful siblings, and she is Blessed. And she is a Blessing to all of us:) xo
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Your sisters and brothers didn't have anything to do with you caring for your aging parents. You each had a choice. They made their choices; you made yours. Aren't you proud of the choice you made? I am!

I have no idea why they made the choice they did. If I heard them maybe I would think a reason was valid (ill health, caring for a handicapped child, having been abused as a child) and maybe I would think it a selfish excuse. But whatever their reasons, they had the same opportunity that you had: decide whether to care for parents.

Depending on their reasons, you might try to influence their decisions. But generally that is a lost cause.

Even though you have chosen to care for your parents, you don't have to do it alone. Do what only children do: bring in help from other sources.
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This is highly typical and a much discussed subject. Many articles written and available on AgingCare.
If they don't care, they don't care. They don't call their Mother, and underlying guilt --which most will not admit and is ingrained -- prevents them from asking about YOU. Remember when we were little and thought if you cover your head you are invisible? Same concept. Out of sight out of mind. If the obvious is not mentioned it does not exist.
To save yourself more anguish try to accept it. They will get theirs. Lol. Most people do not escape this life without stress, worry, and burdens. You will have a life after caregiving because while you are in the throes of it, you are Dreaming and Planning. You are visualizing the life you will resume only better.
People don't change. Siblings have thei roles in the family that were set up long ago. Think of yourself as a strong, generous Angel, because you are. xo
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I wish I had an answer, going through the same thing with my four siblings. Most don't live close, but they don't even call her at the nursing home or make any effort to check on her. One calls me occasionally and never asks about our mom. Have you sat them down and had a talk with them? I am a take charge person, so people automatically assume I have it under control and don't need help. I did email all of them and told them to call mom, she feels abandoned, 3 of the 4 called one time.

I am anxious to see other responses, since I am the in same boat.
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