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i was told sheis slowly dieing and hospice is here but this disease pd is horrible it has been very hard to watch andave advanced stages of pd im so lost now thats it no more family i feel like a orphan but mostly i feel so sorry for my mom this is the hardest thing i have ever done oplease someone did anyones parent h

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You just did, by venting it. You should call her doctor or your hospital and ask if they have support groups for you to attend. Sometimes support groups help. Your mother is very lucky to have someone like you to take care of her. I take care of my mother and she has dementia. I have people come in and stay with mom while my sister and me get out of the house twice a week, it's not easy to watch your love one change or think it would happen to her. But somehow we all get thru it and go on. Your not alone in this, we all are here because we have someone who have medical problems and we need to support each other to get thru our own problems.
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ANN:

As my Dad faded, it became more difficult to keep him comfortable and keep myself from unraveling. Running on fumes, my sons became my Higher Power. For me, then, family support was key. Months before he passed on, I don't know how many times I went through the Stages of Grief.

It wasn't until the last day when I finally accepted his life had come full circle. I was relieved ... for him.

This family will be here 24-7. Just holler okay?
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My heart goes out to you. No doubt this is the hardest thing you have ever done. In the natural course of things children outlive their parents, so most people experience the death of one or both parents. That it is universal does not make it less painful. And watching the progression of a debilitating disease at the end is especially painful. Take advantage of the experienced hospice staff. They have helped people through this many times, and have a sense of what you are going through.

You have had your mother in your life for many years, and that is a blessing. Hard as it is on you, it is also a blessing to be able to be there for her in this last part of her life's journey.

Hang in there. You will get past this. You need time to heal.
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Sandraann,
Prolonged grieving, the type of grieving that so many of us caregivers must endure, is very different from the standard grieving process that most people must face at the loss of a loved one.
Because the usual process of grieving can be interrupted by the length of time we must watch our parents die, and the various stages of grief are not able to proceed in the usual steps and tend to get all mixed up, we can suffer from some trauma that the standard process would help us to avoid.
I agree that you should speak to the Hospice folks and for some help for yourself to cope with this difficult time AND for when you must face the true grieving after her passing.
Stay strong.
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Mom was scheduled for a week of respite a month in advance. Who would have thought that it would be her last week on this earth. I sat with her for the last 48 hours and I agree it was excruciating. The nurses were wonderful but watching the whole procedure of dying and waiting for her to finally be at peace was mentally and physically exhausting. As hard as it was in the end. I have no regrets. She was the best mom and didn't deserve dying with dementia.
In time those memories will fade and all the good times will be remembered. God bless you for being with her at her time of need.
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Hospice has wonderful counselors/socialworkers. The nurse comes to see my Mother at our home and the counselor comes to see me. She has been a tremendous help. And so is reading this website.
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As I read your question my heart went out to you. Last November 11, my father
passed and that was the hardest experience I have ever faced. He had lived
in my home for 14 years after my monther passed. He was active and gardened
and the last 4 years were so difficult, I stopped working and stayed with him with
some outside help. I was not prepared for the emotional loss at the end.
But I wanted to share with you that I immediately started teaching art classes
at the local Art Center ( I am a former art teacher) I found by getting out and
continuning in something that I loved helped with the emotional pain. I also
stated taking Yoga, and have focused on taking care of me....this 9 months
after and I have days of tears and emotional "fall-out" I really try to remember
the Great times we had not the last few months....although at first I had dreams
that disturbed my sleep. I am better now and miss him everyday but I am doing
things that I have always wanted even if I don't want to. When I teach I realize I
cannot focus on anyone except the students and find joy in their Joy of learning.
Please Honor YOURSELF if you want to cry or sit or walk ....Do what you need
and Know if you did not LOVE so deeply you would not hurt so deeply...and for
that I would not trade for anything....I was there because I loved and gave what
I had until the end...and I have peace in that. May you find blessings in this day.
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Sand - I am going through the same thing !!! Hospice has been involved for a couple months now but just about 3 days ago my mom decided or can't eat or drink. Her meds have to be liquid (as you know prob) with a dropper. When we had to open the "comfort kit' and just couldn't handle it!!! Giving her morphine for the first time signaled I'm 'really' losing her - and just broke. I'm alone in caring for her outside of hospice here and there, and family every other week for a day.....so this transition is me leaning on my higher power for guidance and tuning into her needs before passing. Sometimes I don't even want to walk into her room for fear she passed......it's scary, confusing and breaking my heart. But 'we' will survive and better for it. You will be in my thoughts - stay soft and loving.
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A few years ago my husband and I nursed his mother through Stage IV cancer. While hubby had sibs who lived close to Mom, they just could not accept that she was dying, so in addition to the 24/7 caregiving, we also had to battle with his sibs who insisted that she was not dying, and criticized everything we did. They wouldn't help, they just criticized.

One thing that helped us a lot was a booklet that a friend (who went through the same thing) gave us called, "Gone From My Sight." It describes what to expect at the various stages of the death process in someone who is terminally ill. Knowing these things helped us accept what was happening, and, unlike his sibs who insisted that she had to FIGHT this process, we accepted the process and were determined to give her a "good death." This is really what she wanted, and she told me this as soon as she knew that she was terminally ill.

So hubby took the day shift and I took the night shift. We pretty much ignored his sibs (not easy) and took all of the near-death behavior in stride. On her last day the hospice nurse told us her time would be a matter of hours. His sibs all left, not wanting to be a part of it. My husband and I sat by her bedside, talked to her - even though she was not conscious - prayed for her and held her hand as she drew her last breath. We then called Hospice and I helped the nurse prepare her for the funeral director to come get her.

This was not an easy experience, by any means. But I was able to accept her death because I believed that we had given her the best care possible at this critical point of her life. I would not trade that experience for the world.

As for his sibs, they still struggle. Some accuse us of hastening her death because we didn't encourage her to fight. Others thanked us for having the courage to do what we did.

Now I am in the situation of watching my own parents die by inches. They are basically healthy, but have congestive heart failure and some other organ and orthopedic issues that come with old age. Their bodies are just wearing out. When the time comes, my sisters and I will know we did everything we could. And we will be ready for this to end.
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Mulata, I found a you tube video of Barbara Karnes speaking about the dying experience called Gone From My Sight to be very inspirational, you might want to check it out.
And for all the rest of you still struggling with grief, whether recent or not... ((hugs))
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