How do I get over the grief of watching my mom die while taking care of her?

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The minute I saw my mother die, did I let it all hang out!
When I asked my shrink about the "dying process", he simply stated, it is the opposite of life. Well I guess I knew that and found his comment too simplistic; I was hoping for some type of guidance through it. After all, we as caregivers are on a constant state of grief. At the end of the story, death is the outcome, and we cannot change it. I have a 12 yr old chihuahua, and I know she's getting up in age... my mom is 90.5......my husband is 72..........the other day I felt "surrounded by death.....explained to my shrink this past week and he tells me that it's normal. Well, intellectually speaking I can see what he means, but I think I needed more comfort that anything else. I actually felt very depressed and spent a long time in bed. Mom is very self sufficient and she worries about ME!...............The Bible is right when it calls death "an enemy".
I had talk therapy sessions with a social worker after I lost my mother plus I did Griefshare group therapy. I went to a morning session, and then I switched to an early evening session which was closer to home plus they brought in their Golden Retriever dog so I had a dog to play with. I liked the early evening session of Griefshare. I go to senior center on Fridays; three weeks on and three weeks off since my center is in another town and I don't like the town in which I reside in. I play bingo, I have lots of fun, and I even won a round of bingo this past Friday.
I cry all the time.Anywhere.The tears just come and it happens at the grocery store,walking through the house,at a restaurant...everywhere.I wonder if they'll ever stop but I am worried about myself talking to myself and Mother like she.s here and it's not a cool thing to do at the grocery store and I'm sure people think I,m crazy.Surely,this will get better......and Gershun,you hang in there too!
Lucky you just keep on crying. I see things every day that remind me of Mom and set me off. Its normal. We'll get there.
Lucky, Sorry that you are suffering. I think self-talk is a good remedy for grief and working things through. Keep talking, even if people look at you funny, just keep talking. You will get where you are meant to be.
Also, talk to us more.
Mulata, I found a you tube video of Barbara Karnes speaking about the dying experience called Gone From My Sight to be very inspirational, you might want to check it out.
And for all the rest of you still struggling with grief, whether recent or not... ((hugs))
Thanks Gershun....Mulata88,I think your Doctor gave you a quick easy answer and didn't really hear you,hurting.I swear,I saw my doctor one week after Mother passed and his first question to me is"So what's new?"...I still can't believe he asked me that...Every single thing is new or has changed!And he was my Mom's doctor too,so he certainly knew our situation.....I still can't forget some of the mean comments people said before Mother left me and they ring in my head sometimes,like this one supposed good old friend of Mom's from Highschool who said"When your Mother dies,I want that outfit" or my brother,who said"When Mom dies,you'll have to get out fast!"(which has changed) and other things...Anyway,the doctors who have to deal with people who have lost someone like us,probably have standard answers so they can move us along.(Not all doctors).
My grief began with my Mother a long time before she left.I watched her loose one thing after another ...I have no idea what stage I am at and no one to talk to but very thankfully you all here on Aging Care.To All Take Care...
Hi Cwillie & Luckylu, thanks for sharing. I will watch the video on YouTube and let you know what I think. Thanks!
Concentrate on the job at hand, which is caring for your Mum in her last stages of life. Afterwards, there will be time to grieve properly, but for now give your Mum your attention, but do allow yourself time to recharge your batteries, sleep. All the best. Arlene Hutcheon

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