I am the only child left my older siblings have passed away. I retired early from my job because of stress and health issues and too help out my parents. These last 3 years where not bad but now my Mom is acting horrible and being very mean my Dad is also very ill and has lots of health issues I have tried to help them with solutions that would be good but she hates having anyone come in too help and does allow some. I have gotten sicker myself I just do not know what to do. I am at my wits end . I do not want to be a caregiver I really need to take care of myself. They wanted me too move in with them but I refuse they are always bickering since I can remember I can not live like that, that is why I live alone and am divorced. Now we are not speaking at all I hate this

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They are not speaking to you because you won't move in? Wow, that is pretty extreme, don't you think? And it is good confirmation that you made the right decision. That kind of controlling attitude would be very hard on your health.

While they are not speaking to you I guess they are going to have to come up with other solutions for themselves. That might not be all bad.

Certainly you don't want to go the rest of your life alienated from your parents. I hope you will eventually be able to establish a cordial relationship, but not at the expense of losing yourself and giving in to their unreasonable demands. It sounds like you had some solutions in mind. Perhaps some of those solutions will look more attractive to your parents if they see that having you move in is absolutely not an option. If they finally accept that they cannot have their first choice (no matter how much they pout and hold their breath), perhaps they will look at the other choices more objectively.

Good luck ... and don't weaken!
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I take care of my mom,my dad past away 2010,My mom is now on Hospice,I talked with my mom's Doctor to get her on Hospice,I'm not well either I have C.O.P.D.and severe bladder problems and my mom sleeps all day and is up all night untill 2am or 3am and then up at 5:30am and I'm in the bathroom all the time don't get much sleep.My mom has heart trouble,C.O.P.D. Osteoperosis,and she's on oxygen and my mom smokes cigs.The doctor has told my mom to quit smoking now she could have throat cancer that's what killed her dad.But she will continue smoking the nurses come see her they call in her meds. for her.her nurse says she has about 3weeks to 3months to live,Hospice is a lot help ,she has an Aide to help her with showers,so if you want help you could call Hospice.They have been a blessing.
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Countess, I don't know how many will respond, but many will validate the challenges inherent in your situation. Like the rest of us, the best you can do is the best you can do. Make your decision. Then take responsibility for it. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing what they want you to do if it will harm you to do so. Lots of government money exists to toss your folks in a home and let the home collect medicaid money for their care. It's not a great solution, but it beat having you take them on until the pressure kills you, at which time they will go into that home on Medicaid anyway. Good Luck. God Bless You.
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If you are not physically or emotionally able to take care of your parents, then there are other options for them. If they get to the point that they need assisted living, you can help them check out what facilities are available. You may be able to find a facility that they can afford and that fits their needs. You don't have to be physically available to make sure your parents are being taken care of.

Many seniors will object to assisted living (AL) because they don't want to leave their homes and because they believe AL is too expensive. AL is expensive, but so is staying in a home. Homes have to be maintained. Taxes and insurance have to be paid. Utility and food bills are expensive. If people did the math, they would often find that AL doesn't cost much more than they are already spending. AL gives the freedom to enjoy time, instead of worrying about the work and maintenance of a house.

If you were to move in, it would really be AL, but you would be the person providing the assistance. I help with two parents, and believe me, it is a time-consuming thing. I work at home, so I can do it, but most people couldn't. Sometimes I laugh at how my day goes. I've adopted a motto of "one more thing," because when I think I'm finished for the day, I remember a few more things I need to do. My whole day is spent doing one more thing. The bad thing is that at the end of the day I feel I didn't accomplish anything, but the whole day is gone. Doing things for three people is like that.

I would definitely look into AL when you believe your parents need it. And don't feel guilty about it. You'll be taking care of them and you.
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