How can I get paid for keeping my mom? I am 55, taking care of my mom. I was working on weekends but now no one will keep my mom. How do people make this work?
And for the reasons stated above, I declined the role of caretaker for my mother - she asked me 9 years ago to quit my job and take care of her - yes I was eligible for retirement, but after that I would have had to 'make-do' until my SS started - thereby cutting my retirement investment years short, take SS before my full retirement age. This would have been based on the doctor at that time saying, it won't be long - 'the train has left the station' on her getting any better.
Here we are nine years later and mom is still going strong. She lives in an adult foster care home nearby and I visit often and provide as much support as I can. However due to COVID lately that has been limited as she doesn't get to leave the home and we have to sit outside to visit...but at least she's very well cared for by professionals who can 'handle it'...
In the meantime, I'm very happy in my career and my boss very much appreciates my experience and dedication to my job - in fact he says 'Why retire'? I tend to agree...for others who may be reading this ... try to keep your job and find another way to care for your elderly loved ones if at all possible!
Sandra, the vast majority of grown children who are caregivers to their parent do not get paid..... unless that parent can pay you from her retirement fund.
If your Mom cannot do that, then see if your Mom can qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Each State has their own programs and rates they pay. Don't be surprised if the pay is close to minimum wage for a few hours each week. Give your State Medicaid office a call, there might be other programs that are helpful.
There are many articles on AgingCare and on internet that may also help. Use your favorite search engine and type in "Getting paid as family caregiver". Explore the website for your State and Medicaid as well as the US Medicaid site. This program is a combination of State and Federal Funds. Do know that we often hear people who give up home and job to care for an elder who end up homeless, without a job or place to live and with no job history. It isn't a good place to be. Wishing you good luck.
In order to care for Mom she moved in with my husband and I. I eventually had to quit my great paying job as a Paralegal. Without even suggesting my mom said for me to use her social security money as payment fir rent/utilities/food/etc. I paid for all of her medications, personal needs and wants first. Then the rest I used which was equilavent to part time work pay for me.
That work out fine. The problem came after she died. I was still able and eager to work but now I had been out of the workforce for 5 years.
Unless your patient indicates something contractually separately or in an inheritance, getting paid to be a caregiver is virtually impossible. Another way is to contractually work it out with the other beneficiaries in a separate contract. I did caregiver for free myself at your age as well. I didn't even want that pay, even though I relocated and downsized my life, sacrificed my career for that. The aftermath of caregiving is actually worse than the brief time as caregiver. For me that was 2 years. Society low balls you for employment during & after the caregiving, I basically started over and really never recovered from being the "chosen" one to make that caregiver sacrifice. Coming to terms with it, I realized my siblings were around for the good times, I ended up with the worst of the shift. That said I still wouldn't charge for it. Rewards are on the other side. The human race is a cheap bunch and it's no coincidence who gets the job & when. I & many others end up paying for this well into the rest f my life, this world will bleed anything a caregiver gets as inheritance.
In the end I endured accusations of living rent free & doing little or nothing. The others were concerned that I had a bed to sleep in a spare bedroom. I moved to rural America, best job I could get there was to 1 hour commute as a contract temporary to Jacksonville, FL for 1 month of Christmas seasonal work with FL Blue. Straight wage & no benefits, brought in Thanksgiving week and released the Friday after New Year's Day. Other than that locally I took work stocking shelves at the 24/7 Wal-Mart. Certainly nothing near what I was compensated as an IT Professional.
What is real, price out home healthcare for a week for 24/7 care, you'll find that company charges $ 20/hour for 24 hours, $ 480/day. They won't maintain the house for that figure, won't run errands, etc.. Getting the other listed beneficiaries to sign on to a fair compensation ? Nope, they're more like co-workers avoiding work. I did get a verbal Thank You from siblings though the day Dad passed away. What I didn't expect, the younger brother's wife accusing me of trying to get more than a trust or will indicated I would get. That was about 12 hours after Dad died. She had a few drinks too many over dinner and made her move. I have nothing to do with her to this day. I really don't interface with many people, when you see their motives, you tend to not trust anyone much anymore. And when you try to negotiate your next paycheck with an employer, you'll find out they really only wanted you to work for them if you don't cost that much too. This is 3 years post death for me. 2 pre-caregiver, 2 as caregiver, the 7 years anniversary in mid-February 2021.
Unless the estate is fairly large, be careful about counting on "remuneration" from an inheritance. If the parent ends up needing nursing care but has insufficient funds, the potential inheritance may have to be spent, or if Medicaid is involved, the latter could claim it.
Sandra I am in your shoes. As a matter of fact, I have siblings that won't assist that live closer than me. The best piece of advice I received was to consult an Elder Law Attorney. Many of the attorneys will give a free consultation. They assisted me in getting my mom qualified for various programs. Don't let the word "Attorney " intimidate you. There are many, many programs that our parents qualify for that the average son or daughter caregiver has no clue about. My mom is currently aging in her own home with plenty of assistance. The time may come that she has to be moved, but in the meantime, I am stressing a little less and being thankful I heeded the advice to consult an Elder Law Attorney. Be Blessed
I just had to move in with my aging mom for the winter, after my dad died in January. It appear there may be few slight memory issues.
I work full time remotely for a call center. There are many opportunities to work full or part time as a COVID contact tracer or call center rep. Check out Flexjobs.com and remote jobs on Indeed.com.
Self care should not be neglected.Granted setting boundaries is a little more difficult with some with memory issues. It can be done gently and with repetition.
Wishing you well. Enjoy the time with your mom. Live in the present and not worry about the future.
I hope this all works out as well for you as you anticipate it will. Many others on this forum have found caregiving to be much more complicated than they had expected, and their respective futures didn't simply "take care of themselves". But I agree with enjoying the time with your parent (assuming it is possible with your parent--it isn't with many of them, or if it was initially, the parent's condition changes such that it isn't, especially if dementia creeps in and drastically changes the parent's personality).
I hope people in this situation (as was I at one time) start realizing that one person CANNOT do it all - not without serious physical/ mental consequences. Other family members should provide some degree of assistance when feasible, and the parent must be told - lovingly but firmly - that assistance BESIDES yours is necessary! ALL siblings should pitch in, in some way or other. If you’re an only child, you WILL need reliable help. Best of luck. Speaking of my own experience: an only daughter can feel like an only child, because she’s the only one expected to be available! Times are changing, fortunately; wish it were not so slow, tho.
"...an only daughter can feel like an only child..."
THIS only daughter will BE an only child when mom passes on! Two brothers. Already cut OB out of my life when his old abusive ways restored (realized it never really went away, he just wasn't local.) Over 2.5 years now no contact, with the only exception being I notified him about mom's recent stroke (she's 97, finishing up year 4 in MC.) YB isn't like that, but issues with him as well. I let those slide as she needed his help when we could still do the Mac Deg treatments. She wasn't walking or standing unassisted for the last year+ and I can't support her weight. These were 4x per year, but you'd think it was every week! Considering I have taken care of EVERYTHING else (including visits, when it was allowed), this was not much to ask... apparently I was wrong. Sometimes it would take a week or even more just to get an answer about something from him!!! AUGH!
Eldercare attorney for estate planning and caregiver's contract, and tax lawyer to set up a "corporation" to maximize deductions. Your mom will legally become your employer. Don't do this "under the table" as it may affect her Medicaid eligibility. You will find out just how dirty the government is when it comes to money.
Only a daughter knows of their mom's money. Does she have any? Who's POA? If no money, check into medicaid. They will evaluate her & her money. Allow hours for care usually $14-an hour. Goodluck
Here we are nine years later and mom is still going strong. She lives in an adult foster care home nearby and I visit often and provide as much support as I can. However due to COVID lately that has been limited as she doesn't get to leave the home and we have to sit outside to visit...but at least she's very well cared for by professionals who can 'handle it'...
In the meantime, I'm very happy in my career and my boss very much appreciates my experience and dedication to my job - in fact he says 'Why retire'? I tend to agree...for others who may be reading this ... try to keep your job and find another way to care for your elderly loved ones if at all possible!
If your Mom cannot do that, then see if your Mom can qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Each State has their own programs and rates they pay. Don't be surprised if the pay is close to minimum wage for a few hours each week. Give your State Medicaid office a call, there might be other programs that are helpful.
There are many articles on AgingCare and on internet that may also help. Use your favorite search engine and type in "Getting paid as family caregiver".
Explore the website for your State and Medicaid as well as the US Medicaid site. This program is a combination of State and Federal Funds.
Do know that we often hear people who give up home and job to care for an elder who end up homeless, without a job or place to live and with no job history. It isn't a good place to be.
Wishing you good luck.
That work out fine. The problem came after she died. I was still able and eager to work but now I had been out of the workforce for 5 years.
In the end I endured accusations of living rent free & doing little or nothing. The others were concerned that I had a bed to sleep in a spare bedroom. I moved to rural America, best job I could get there was to 1 hour commute as a contract temporary to Jacksonville, FL for 1 month of Christmas seasonal work with FL Blue. Straight wage & no benefits, brought in Thanksgiving week and released the Friday after New Year's Day. Other than that locally I took work stocking shelves at the 24/7 Wal-Mart. Certainly nothing near what I was compensated as an IT Professional.
What is real, price out home healthcare for a week for 24/7 care, you'll find that company charges $ 20/hour for 24 hours, $ 480/day. They won't maintain the house for that figure, won't run errands, etc.. Getting the other listed beneficiaries to sign on to a fair compensation ? Nope, they're more like co-workers avoiding work. I did get a verbal Thank You from siblings though the day Dad passed away. What I didn't expect, the younger brother's wife accusing me of trying to get more than a trust or will indicated I would get. That was about 12 hours after Dad died. She had a few drinks too many over dinner and made her move. I have nothing to do with her to this day. I really don't interface with many people, when you see their motives, you tend to not trust anyone much anymore. And when you try to negotiate your next paycheck with an employer, you'll find out they really only wanted you to work for them if you don't cost that much too. This is 3 years post death for me. 2 pre-caregiver, 2 as caregiver, the 7 years anniversary in mid-February 2021.
I am in your shoes. As a matter of fact, I have siblings that won't assist that live closer than me. The best piece of advice I received was to consult an Elder Law Attorney. Many of the attorneys will give a free consultation. They assisted me in getting my mom qualified for various programs. Don't let the word "Attorney " intimidate you. There are many, many programs that our parents qualify for that the average son or daughter caregiver has no clue about. My mom is currently aging in her own home with plenty of assistance. The time may come that she has to be moved, but in the meantime, I am stressing a little less and being thankful I heeded the advice to consult an Elder Law Attorney.
Be Blessed
I work full time remotely for a call center. There are many opportunities to work full or part time as a COVID contact tracer or call center rep. Check out Flexjobs.com and remote jobs on Indeed.com.
Self care should not be neglected.Granted setting boundaries is a little more difficult with some with memory issues. It can be done gently and with repetition.
Wishing you well. Enjoy the time with your mom. Live in the present and not worry about the future.
Speaking of my own experience: an only daughter can feel like an only child, because she’s the only one expected to be available! Times are changing, fortunately; wish it were not so slow, tho.
THIS only daughter will BE an only child when mom passes on! Two brothers. Already cut OB out of my life when his old abusive ways restored (realized it never really went away, he just wasn't local.) Over 2.5 years now no contact, with the only exception being I notified him about mom's recent stroke (she's 97, finishing up year 4 in MC.) YB isn't like that, but issues with him as well. I let those slide as she needed his help when we could still do the Mac Deg treatments. She wasn't walking or standing unassisted for the last year+ and I can't support her weight. These were 4x per year, but you'd think it was every week! Considering I have taken care of EVERYTHING else (including visits, when it was allowed), this was not much to ask... apparently I was wrong. Sometimes it would take a week or even more just to get an answer about something from him!!! AUGH!
Looking forward to my "freedom"...
If no money, check into medicaid. They will evaluate her & her money.
Allow hours for care usually $14-an hour.
Goodluck
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