My situation is I am caring for my aging mother, age 87, in my home which is shared by my roommate. I have been there for my mother all of her life. She used to live in another state, independently, but as a result of open heart surgery during May 2009, and consequently being ventilator dependent and suffering from countless facility acquired infections (Sepsis/C-diff/MRSA), she finally was able to be discharged during October 2011 to our home. Throughout the time she was in one facilty after another, I was there for her. Initially she was at Pittsburgh for her sugery and when discharged to another facility I had her transferred closer to our home in Maryland. This has been a nightmare in terms of all that I have experienced. She came to Maryland to a skilled nursing facility during September 2009, but I then had to have her sent out three times to a hospital and finally had her transferred to a chronic care facility at Baltimore,which is 33 miles from my home. Nonetheless, after work I would travel the 33 miles to Baltimore to see that her needs were met and for companionship. I work full-time and am 62 years old. I have a roommate who is very important to me. I have known her for 13 years and my mother is simply jealous of our relationship. I have tried to be candid with my mother and ask only one thing....that she please show respect and kindness to my roommate. My mother never owns her disrespectful behavior. In fact, most recently my roommate returned from an out of town trip, and while I was at work, stepped into my mother's room to say hello. My roommate reported to me that my mother made it very obvious her return was not welcome and she was simply rude. So, my roommate and I have been seeing a counselor to try to deal with all of this rudeness and negativity and the counselor advised my roommate to stay out of my mother's room and I could not agree more. My roommate has a very vivacious personality. She is friendly and has helped me get my mother settled in our home. My roommate gave up her office space on the lower level of our home for my mother. My roommate has rearranged my mother's room, has done her laundry, has bought her a closet for her room, etc. I made it clear to my mother that if she doesn't like my roommate, can't she at least act nice to her because my roommate does not have any parents and had hoped that my mother could learn to love her. I am so angry at my mother. I take her to her mobile home in Pennsylvania from Maryland once a month so that she can visit her family, who by the way are of absolutely no help to me, and so that she may have a quality of life. My mother is stable physically and has no dementia. I keep continual tabs on her medical care. I do it all. I do have in-home assist while I work five days a week. I have told my roommate to not to anything further for my mother. So I am sandwiched between two people whom I have done nothing but show kindness/assist to. My mother is a negative person. She never had friends nor wanted any. She never has shown me any willingness to embrace any relationships I have to include with my Goddaughter. She is a jealous person. Shame on her. I asked her once Mom, don't you want me to have anyone in my life someday if you pass first? She never got along with any neighbors in Pennsylvania; she never became close to my inept brother's wife, etc. Me on the other hand is not like my mother. I know how to set boundaries but I would never be so selfish. I am a people person and I feel I deserve to have my roommate in my life. She and I plan on growning old together if she doesn't simply leave some day due to having to deal with a negative, mean-spirited old woman (my mother.) I have seen traits in my mother, now that I live with her, that just disgust me. But, like so many of you, I will continue to care for her but it is just so sad to have a mother whose daughter (me) took her on wonderful vacations, bought her a mobile home, met her every need every since I was a young girl. When my father abused her I was the one who always heard it all. Thankfully for me, I left home at age 19 and began my career in DC. But I still was always there for her. I am sorry but if all I am asking of her is for her to treat my roommate with respect and be nice to her, considering she is living in our home, I feel that was not too much to ask! Anyway, my roommate and I are abiding by our counselor's advice this past week. It seems to be working as best it can. My roommate stays elsewhere in our home and does not go into my mother's room, which is on the lower level. I meanwhile find it ridiculous that my mother could not give me one thing...the only thing I have every asked of her in life. Thanks support group to those of you who take the time to read my issue. I appreciate being a member of this group. It's nice to know we are not alone. I never thought life would turn out this way.
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