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It sounds like you became the adult in this mother daughter relationship years
ago (during the abuse time?). She placed a lot on you as a young person listening to
her adult problems, and I am sorry you had to go through that. I would suggest a behavior plan with a caring discussion; and on a paper or contract,
give your mom your expectations in YOUR home. We find with young adults at school they need to see things and not just hear them. You could even rate each day or week- not placing blame, but "How did WE get along?" on a calendar.
Just a short list that you can both sign as you try to better the situation. It should only be between
the two of you although you should address the treatment of your roommate.
Something in the hand that she can touch and read, may help her to see your
resolve. You can renew it at intervals as things change, but she needs to respect your home and your friends. Can mom go out for treat day/lunch if things improve? I don't know if you take her out, but a reward system works. Pick
something that she likes even if you don't. Then she will see you are giving
something on your part also. This might help with the jealosy if Mom sees that
she has special time with you. Even a special dinner in with just you two.

Caretakers will never receive the gratitude and thanks that you deserve......the
deserved amount is too staggering. God bless you as you care for her!
Helpful Answer (4)

Your comments suggest that your mother suffers from some type of personality disorder and narsistic personality traits. There is alot of information on this site regarding classic naristic personality disorder. Not a pretty picture and will not change. Illness and old age exasperates the issue.

As for your roommate, your mother simply does not care about your relationship as her world revolves around her own needs. Whatever you do most likely will not be acknowledged or appreciated. She does not care if she is hurting you or your roommate/ partner. It is not a concern for her and never will be.

I have had a lot of heartache because I refused to accept the fact that my mother has similar traits. Your mother is deliberately causing problems. Don't sacrafice your plan of growing old together with your roomate. Investigate and evaluate alternative living arrangements. I suspect more heartache will come otherwise. Please give this considerable thought. Regards, Sand56
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I feel totally played by not one, but two elderly parents. One still has the strength to call me an asshole on an almost daily basis, while the other one, not so much. They could care less if I dropped dead from doing this shit. Then I have somebody who doesn't lift a finger to help but criticizes me for complaining that this job is too hard. Should I feel anything emotionally for these people?1 Quite honestly, no, absolutely not. Hey, y'all have a nice day. Best to all of you. Hang in there Joan, as Bettie Davis said in one of her movies, her more memorable quotes, "Im paraphrasing here, " Hang on, its going to be a bumpy night" Well caregiving is going to be an extremely bumpy ride. :-) W
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I'm right here :-) Wayne
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Thank you for joining this group, you find many good suggestion and answers to your questions. God Bless you and Welcome
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